like a blooming chrysanthemum-
beautiful and bold
i stand here
my heart is as deep as the mariana trench
filled with scars that you may not feel
the ways i feel them
filled with millions of secrets you will never know
filled with the hurtful words you blazed at me like a roaring forest fire
filled with pain you will never understand nor feel the way i do
filled with the feeling of loneliness
from the thoughts of your hateful proverbs
preaching that i love wrong
filled with-
hope
the kind of hope that makes me feel guarded
from your hateful, dehumanizing libretto
the kind that reminds me that the bad times are bad-
but it will only make the good times better
the kind that radiates off of me and brings rays of positivity to the saddened
like a blooming chrysanthemum-
beautiful and bold
i stand here.
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139,616 Literary Works • 672,627 Reviews
I like the theme of self-assurance and standing up for yourself, but there were just a couple errors:
1. "Mariana" trench should be "Marianas".
2. In the ninth line, I think you're missing a word. "Never" or "neither" should be inserted before "understand". Either word would work, in my opinion, but you should ask other people which word they think would fit best--I'm no expert.
These don't detract from the poem at all. Good work!
I didn't even realize that second part. Thank you! And also, I think it's just "Mariana" singular.
Hi!
Ok so I really love this poem. I really relate to it in a sort of way. Like I understand what you're feeling and thinking, and even experiencing. I loved how you weren't blunt about the bisexual part, but it was in the title so the reader would know what these feelings are attached to. I also love your word choice; my favorite lines are
"the kind of hope that makes me feel guarded
from your hateful, dehumanizing libretto"
I just love how the lines flow and sound rhythmically. I also love relating hope, which has a positive connotation to it, with being guarded, which is kind of dark and scary. I think you do a great job at capturing the two sides of what you're feeling in this poem and how they play off one another in some sort of duel in your heart.
I can't wait to read more of your work in the future. Please keep up the good work! Hope you enjoyed this review
-E
Beautiful poem. I love the way you presented the emotions. Wonderful piece of work! Keep writing
Hi Iridescence! Becca here for a review.
I love this poem. I think you chose a great name for the poem, and extended the metaphor of the chrysanthemum from beginning to end.
A few constructive comments: I love the name "chrysanthemum bisexual" but I guess I was waiting for the bisexual part to see its day.
I also loved the imagery of the "Mariana Trench" and the "blazed at me like a roaring forest fire," but felt that at other points in the poem, there were abstractions. For example, "pain you can't understand," "abandonment from the hearts of my loved ones," "kind of hope that makes me feel okay/the kind that reminds me that the bad times are bad/but it will only make the good times better." How can you show us those sentiments without telling us?
Keep writing!
Legacy here for a review.
Just a nitpick before I get started. You don't have any stanza breaks and it makes your poem seem longer than it actually is. It also makes your poem read faster. I would recommend a stanza break after the word hope. I say this because it is on it's own line and the stanza break would make it more dramatic and make people stop for longer.
Onward. I love the content. I love how you wrote it too. Your ideology of this subject, and I agree with it. You have nice imagery and metaphors. I honestly see this read as a slam poem.
Overall, this is a nice poem that doesn't need many edits in my opinion (just the stanza break, but not necessary). I would love to hear this spoken. If you do decide to record yourself reading it, please let me know as I would love to hear it. Legacy out.