Young Writers Society

I am guessing this is a parody of another work on this site under the same title. Personally I found the tone of this poem immature and it ruined the overall message that you could have communicated.
I know that the poem is supposed to be funny, the language used is very silly and it evokes a child-like tone that adds to the idea. Especially when you consider that the start of the poem comes from a children's tale and it could have a lot of potential to contain a moral message. I get the impression that your writing is humorous and sometimes oddball, but this poem just seems a little lost in silly.
However, upon re-reading the message I wrote here I can say that I haven't been very constructive at all and I can admit that and I'm sorry. As I have experienced a completely negative critique of my work recently I would like to add this.
Just because I don't understand the message of the work doesn't make it bad. Your writing is not wrong or rubbish or anything like that and I don't want to discourage you. If I upset you, I am very sorry.
My constructive criticism for this piece would be to say: add more variety to your vocabulary if you want to make the tone of your writing more interesting. And to consider that the title should more match the subject of the work itself, purely to build a stronger image of your overall work.
I hope this works, the last thing I want to do is convince you that your writing isn't good. That isn't what I meant and it is just my opinion anyways.

Keep writing!

I liked the idea of the poem, but I think that some of the descriptions are contradicting. The second line is saying that the character is stuck up, treating everyone badly, but the third line said that the character is sad and envies others. Also, I think the period at the and of the 7th line should be changed to a question mark because it is asking a question: "Why don't you just grow up and act normal for once?"
Overall, the idea was very nice, but the actual poem needed a little bit of work.

This was immature and I don't like how you formatted, though the idea was v nice. For example, you took the idea of "mirror mirror" which is a common staple of fairy tales for kids nowadays and had a kiddish sense of humor describing the topic. For example, the use of dunce as a final word. It seems like you're just saying this to a little kid as a dry attempt to get a kid to chuckle. That can be hit or miss, but it was definitely miss for me. Possibly use italics or bold instead of making your text left and right?

thanks.

Haha!
Hi ChickenBrothWater!

I liked this poem. It was cute.

I'm going to point out all the little things I think could be improved, or at least thought-upon.

First, why in the world would the person be asking who was the most spoiled? I don't know if that's something you could change, because it's not like it would work any other ways (unless you can think of something!) but I thought it was a good thing to bring up.

"You envy everyone and act so sad." These two things don't feel... connected enough to be in the same sentence? I don't know, is there a rule about things like this? Like, I know semicolons and colons have to do with obvious connections and things....

I think you could have something really awesome here if you made the rhythm if not consistent, then at least mostly consistent. Similar lengths of lines and stresses and such. I think you could manipulate it to having a more consistent rhythm without too much effort. Add a phrase here, repeat one there, remove one there, adjust one here... and there you'd go!

The title really doesn't seem to fit this, but oh well, I guess that couldn't be helped.

I think the content of the poem was pretty solid.

I hope this helps you! Let me know if you need any help with this!
Keep writing!

~fortis

Why does my stupid computer always post everything I type twice? Grrrrrrr..........

Greetings Elysium, I must say this certainly is an interesting poem. I am fond of the way you made everything rhyme, and although I would like this to be a little longer, that is just the reader in me, the writer in me knows you did a very good job on this and expanding a work can ruin it. It is a very bold thing to go and state what you did in such a blunt fasion, which gives your poem an air of funniness to it. How ever, I do not like how you put the mirror's dialog off to the side the way you did. It makes your poem difficult to read at first. My first thought I had when I read your poem was "wait, is this only 2 lines long?" I felt like a dunce when I realized that there was more here. How ever, it would be good if you went and fixed that. One last thing I like is your use of punctuation! I severely dislike it when people do not use proper punctuation, even ifthey are writing a poem. Just because it rhymes doesn't mean you can go and forget everything you learned about writing in second grade. I mean really people? =_= Okay sorry for ranting.. Another thing is the title. It has nothing to do with the story at all, and with all the poems just published with the same title, it makes it kind of repetitive. In conclusion, I am very fond of this poem, and with a little editing, it could become even better.