the word rolls
off of the tip
of the tongue
and into the saddened
shattered
heart
of humanity
itself
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139,687 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hey Elysium!
Though this was short piece, I felt it was a bold attempt by you to convey such a valuable profound truth in less descriptions.
Content wise, you're on track with expressing moods and thoughts of melancholy and sadness. This is a good start, as there is much scope for literary writing here. In a single stanza, I see you've described the thought of "condolences", thus the significance of the title.
Grammar and Spelling seem to be intact, no issues regarding that.
Structure wise, it's a bold attempt to write poetry in a short single stanza. I appreciate you for writing such pieces as it's a different concept put into application.
It's coherent, obviously, because it's a short description of melancholic feelings and thoughts.
Literary Devices, this something to praise for here. In short writing, you've described this feeling of sadness. I can identify metaphors, adjectives, and personification.
My personal rating for this work is 4.3/5
I'll add a "like" since your work got 80%+ from me
Thank you!
Hey Elysium, tzipwrite here for a review.
Loved this poem. I actually lost a cousin recently and have been pondering the concept of condolences, sadness, and loss. Everyone says "Sorry for your loss" as if it's a rote recitation of duty. And here you put it beautifully - "The word rolls off the tip of the tongue". That's exactly how I've been feeling. And I love "the saddened, shattered heart" - that's perfect. But the best part of all is the last three words - "of humanity itself". Loss and pain is universal. Everyone feels it. And especially now, with so much pain going on around us, it's as if the very foundations of humanity are crying out, begging to be consoled.
I don't necessarily agree with the previous comment. I think the layout is PERFECT.
Good luck, and write on!
Hola! geoffles here to review!
This is a nice emotional poem. The words are very cohesive together and it's dramatic and an interesting read. As far as reviewing goes the poem is a bit choppy in it's flow, so maybe if you changed the formatting a little it might flow more. For example if you rearranged and meshed some lines together like:
See that it flows a little better? I'm no wordsmith or anything, so don't take my ideas deep into your brain or anything like that, but at least the beginning has a rhythm to it.
Anyway, there's my two cents. take it or leave it or do something in between. I really liked the poem and I think with a few tweaks it could improve.
Thank you for the review! I'm no wordsmith myself, and I like to format my poems kind of word by word where one more dramatic word is put on a line by itself whereas a less dramatic word is paired with another word. Although, I do really like your format idea. Thank you for your input!