The Only Pain in Sports

Aha! Nice and simple poem, and it's very true. A few things, though:

1. The poem is pretty much self-explanatory, but I think if you used figurative language more, it would give the poem flair and make it fun to read. I mean, it's nice, but you've used really simple language.

2. You've over used the word "hurtng" and "lose", and so the poem seems flat. I would suggest you find some good synonyms for the words.

Keep it up!

Mysticalxx

Hello Captain, Wonderwoman here! I like your poem I think it was cool. <3
So true by the way! I know few people use this but, you should capitalize the first word of every sentence because of standard English. I really don't have anything else to say so I will say that this was rather awesome! Keep writing and keep proving the minds of the average citizen with your words! And NEVER get discouraged!

P.s. write another I'd like to read it!

~\/\/onder

Oh captain my captain~

The thing about this poem is this: while your message does hold a lot of truth, relatability, and a nice flow, it doesn't make me feel much of anything. I think you've got a great base and frame here, but no walls, roof, or insulation to keep my emotions from falling right through. But I do think this was a great effort, and if you hear me out, I think we can make this into something great, all right?

So, like I said, you have a great basic theme here to work with. It's an idea toyed with many a time by not only poets and novelists, but by anybody who's failed at something. Everybody has felt the pain you describe at one time or another, so it's easy for me and your other readers to know the place where you're coming from, but the way you've written this, it's not as easy for us to go to that place.

As a poet, my problem is that I often put way too much imagery and description into the central idea of my poem, so that I often digress and my poem is suddenly a million times longer than what I would have liked to be. I think that, judging from this piece, you're the opposite. You get this idea in your mind that you yearn to write about, yet once you write it down, you can't bring yourself to ruin it with overstatements and digressions because you worry that description and metaphors could obscure the raw message of your poem.

But, as a reader, I want a little something extra to pull me in. There's a middle between overstating and understating. I don't know if it's just the way you formatted this, but a way to think about it would be a lined sheet of paper. Don't get in the habit of always just writing between the margins. Write in the margins. Maybe don't fill them up until they're cram-packed with details, but personalize it a little. Add figurative language; incorporate a metaphor. It can even be just one.

Once, I watched this Ed Sheeran Storytellers concert on TV, where object of the show was basically for the artist to explain the inspiration that had propelled them to write each song that they sing. One thing Ed Sheeran said was that for the rap portion of his songs sometimes, it came from times when he was angry, or in a deep state of emotional conflict. Sometimes he would vent and write an entire song from that place inside of him, but other times, it was just a sentence. He would just write a fragment of a thought down on paper. And then a month, or a week, or a day later, he would write another one, maybe not even connected to the first one. Soon, these parts and pieces would add up, and he would have a couple verses to mess with.

After I watched this, I was kind of like, "Huh, maybe I'll try that." So I started trying it. And after a while, ideas just started stemming from those fragments. I think that with something like you have here, you could even do it backwards. Like have this main idea, and anything that it makes you think of—whether it's a personal connection, or some kind of symbolism, or even something that seems completely random—just branch off in all directions, like a flow chart. Then pick and choose your best lines, fill in the spaces, and it might make all the difference.

The only pain in sports
is losing.
You lose confidence,
you lose dignity,
you lose your game.

Spoiler

If you have not watched The Dead Poet's Society, than you should consider giving it a try. It's possibly the best movie I've ever seen. (That's where I got the "oh captain my captain" bit from )

This poem is legit! I absolutely love it! I play basketball year round and I run track in the spring. This poem is one that is so realistic and relatable especially for me personally, it really hit home, so good job on that!

One this loved about this poem was the pain aspect. Yeah, it may be true that physical pain is a part of sports. It's sucks whe you find out that you have shin splints and have to take it easy when you love a sport so much (trust me, I know the feeling) but that doesn't affect me as much as losing does.

Losing, while it may be a part of each and every sport is by exactly fun to go through. Any athlete knows that. And I thin that you have portrayed this well through your writing. I love how you describe pain as defeat. Be sidecar the end of the day, any sport is a lot more about mental strength than physical strength. And because this is the case defeat is pain that most athletes hate the most... Nt a twisted ankle.

I love the way you end the poem. It's do motivating. While the quote practice makes perfect is said a lot, I don't really care because it fits sooo well in this particular poem. Then I love how you don't stop there and that you say that perfection is what makes athletes great. While this may be true in some people's eyes, I don't think this lie was to e taken literally. I think you were telling people thy parctice makes perfect and that there is always room for improvement. Maybe that's not what you were going for but thy is what I got out of it

Overall, great poem! This is probably my favorite poem that I have read on this site since I have joined. Maybe it's because I'm a passionate athlete, or maybe it's because I like your writing. But it's probably both lol. You have insane talent and I am stoked that you are using it.

Keep writing bro.

~#41

I like that this poem has a realistic touch. It's an inspiration for people like me, who lose motivation after losing. I could relate to the lines, "you lose confidence, you lose dignity", because I have experienced these feelings countless times. Sports have never been my forte, so the last three lines bring a sense of encouragement and determination to me.

The only issue I noted was in the wording, especially line 1 and 2, along with line 10 and 11. It sounds rather choppy and awkward.

Let me try and fix that:

"The only pain in sports
[is] not the [pain] in your legs after running a 10K,
[is] not your arms [aching] after lifting weights,
[or] your wrists [hurting] after a volley ball game."

"The pain in sports
[is also of] losing."

"Yet[,] the only cure for that pain
[is] not a supplement."

These are just my thoughts. You don't have to follow them. Hope my review helps!

Well done, and keep writing!

I hope you know that this whole poem has an emphasis on one word, and that word is spelled wrong,