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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Oh wow, this is very simplistic, yet very complex,
The bottom half of it chunks up a bit, like you were just forcing it.
I don't want to become too pushy, or causational here, it is just a review
You need to explore these a little more in depth rather than just summing it up to "jerk"
or whatever,
you have to imagine you're telling this as a story, to someone who is 100% dense.
You have to imagine it for them, and convey that imagination into your words.
Hey, yo, CaptainSaltWater! Strange here on this fantastic day and I have a review for you!
Alright, to start off, this is going to be one of my usual reviews where I'm awfully critical of the morals and stuff. Don't get me wrong, you're a cool cat Cap, but it's something in me that just sparks. It feels needed to talk about it. I want to help you grow as a writer, in a sense, but sometimes it's the themes that turn me off. Let's jump into it, shall we?
The theme so far is the most dampening thing to this "short story". This didn't feel like a story, actually. It felt like it belongs in the "Other" category. It wasn't conventional enough to be a short story.
This is generic and stereotypical. Obviously he abuses drugs and is an alcoholic. That's what most people think true abusers are. However, it has a vast range of who can do it. Doctors do it, I know that. Really anyone does it. A recommendation next time is to make it something a bit less unexpected. Be surprising, not generic.
I have a slight problem with it. You're just explaining on what the step-dad does. It seems like there's no explanation why he does it. You're just simply stating it, hoping that the readers actually feel for the main character. I honestly don't. There's nothing that can drag me into it. You could possibly point out lesions on the skin or anything that isn't a straight down the throat reminder that the MC is being abused.
Boom, it just jumps to this point. No real lead way into it, just right there. It's not the best technique because it isn't subtle and awfully bumpy. Bumpy stories aren't the best. A paragraph or two in between it would help alleviate the burdens of this.
Come on, man! Really? This was expected. It seems like all this is being shoved on the MC just because you have to make it as edgy as possible. Too much edge is really bad for the story. I have seen what you can write, Cap, and I know you have potential. These generic yet edgy stories aren't doing it for you. I have well endowed faith that you can expand on a much more bigger standard and pack a punch. Right now, it feels like a little kid slapping me.
Keep writing, and stay groovy!