parturient

Hiya there Elysium!!

Here is Eros with a review for you!!

I saw the topic in the Literary Spotlight, and I got attracted to it. First of all, Congratulations for your work in the Literary Spotlight!!

Now, let us begin the review. The title is the first thing which matters the most. The title, as I have said in the beginning, is attractive and catchy. It is related with the poem also.

The next thing is the theme of the poem. The theme was very unique. The poem is based on the sweet feelings of a mother who is about to give birth to a sweety sweet baby. I liked the theme and the main idea it is based on.

I liked how you have expressed the feels in such a sweet manner!

The words which you have used presents a unique idea before us, the readers. The poem was short which imparted the sweetness to it. The words gave told us the meaning f everything you wantd to say. Your style of writing is very awesome and has a good flow.

Overall, it was a meaningful poem which touched my heart softy which was written very beautifully!

Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works like this one!!
Have a great day/night!

Hi!

This is a rather short poem yet I feel more potency in it than I do in a lot of longer pieces. I can feel the raw emotion within the few lines it holds. I am not sure if this is intentional, but the structure pattern thats goes from two, to three, to four, and I find that interesting. Especially since you change it at the end, which surprisingly didn't distract me too much from the set flow of the poem. I love that the word 'life' is completley it's own stanza. It's like the word 'life' doesn't need any descriptors or enhancements. If anything else was added to it, I think it would've taken away from the ending.

I don't have any compalints about this poem and I don't see how anybody can. It seems to be a pretty perfect poem and I am in love with it. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful piece of literature with us.

This is different, but different in a good way! I really did enjoy it! I have nothing negative to say about this piece. So keep up the good work!

Hi! herbgirl here for a review!
So, this is a very short, freestyle poem, which some people can really bomb, but I really liked this. It's very poetic, and paints a beautiful picture of new life.
I had a few things that I wasn't a huge fan of, that I would suggest looking at. First, the way you split the second and third line kind of threw me off. It gives a strange, unnecessary pause that I feel interrupts the poem. I would suggest moving the words around so it was more like "nurturing/and beautiful/holds a". I think this would flow a lot better.
Another thing that I wasn't a huge fan of was the word "fetus." It's a fine word, don't get me wrong, but I felt as if it didn't quite fit with the rest of the poem, it wasn't as poetic. I can understand if you want to keep it as is, but I would suggest using a different word/words. You could say "unborn child" or something similar.
Anyways, despite those little things, I really liked this poem! As I said before, the words you used were beautiful and painted a wonderful picture. Good job!
Thanks for the read,
herbgirl

Hi, Abhipsa here for a review

Before starting, I want to tell that all I shall write are my own thoughts so you don't need to be too serious about all of it.

First of all I will tell you what I liked about your work. To start with, the title is short and involving - very much apt indeed. Next, your writing has a nice flow and the way of description is very good. I liked your writing style too. Most of all, the idea of this poem is very nice. There are many stories related to birth but this is the first time that I'm reading a poem about birth - a beautiful occurrence.

Now coming to the cons (unfortunately, one cannot avoid them) - Your poem is short, too short actually, to be called a poem at all. The lines are also very short and are in breaks. If read out aloud, the whole poem is like a long, single sentence. Moreover, it lacks punctuation.
You can make this poem more wholesome and interesting by adding a few more things like the pain the mother has to endure to bring out something beautiful, the mother's feelings throughout the time and the hopes of other people related to the birth. And overall, the happiness that is spread all round.

Anyway, it is a fine job, without any doubts.

Keep writing and delighting your readers

Yo Elysium,

I hope you're having a good sleep! You linked this in chat before you went off and I thought I'd have a look at it. I like the idea you're working with, the idea of motherhood and new life and the kind of cyclical or connected image of the mother of children and of the wider concept of life in the world.

What is really working against your poem is your line breaks. They're disjointed and awkward and I found myself struggling to move through your poem without stopping and starting over and over again. You may have intended this, to indicate new birth and death? But I feel like that's a stretch. Instead you've just had a bit of fun with your line breaks that just isn't working now. You need to rearrange them so that there's a more smooth flow from one line to the next. I'm happy if you want to end on "life" because I think you meant to lead up to it as a significant moment. Otherwise my biggest suggestion to you, for this poem, is not to end on a preposition. Don't end on 'of' or 'for' or 'to' etc because they flow naturally on to another word, and cutting it before the next word jars your reader rather awkwardly. If you were trying for disquiet or discomfort then that technique would work super well.

For an example of what I'm suggesting your first lines would look like "a woman/nurturing and beautiful/holds a precious fetus/a reincarnation/of life itself" which is much easier to move with, and fits more appropriately with what your message is and the tone of the poem over all. I'd also question the lack of punctuation because it may help with some clarity and reading but if you don't want to include it you definitely don't have to.

Thanks for showing me the poem! Nice work.
- Penguin.