This is the School of Chaos

I feel like I need more from you. I want so badly to feel something from this poem but there's just one little thing missing. The rhymes are a bit forced to me but I'm not going to sit here and tear your poem apart either. I saw the intention was good and I can almost see where you are going with it but in order for it to blow my mind I really want to see some raw emotion. I adore the title! I don't think it's necessary to repeat it throughout the poem. I find that repetition does have its place sometimes but overdoing it leads to monotony. I like the central idea or the theme or what have you. I just think you could play around with the words a little more and come up with something even better. It's not a bad poem but a great poem has 3 important characteristics that give it the wow factor. Originality - you have that. You can harness it a little better by exploring your central idea a little more and by going into a little more detail. Use a thesaurus to weave words that are a little less common and communicate an idea a little better. For instance, stressed is a pretty common word that doesn't express an emotion aso deeply because it's a very vague and general type of emotion. Using a thesaurus to change little words like this to something more profound will definitely help you communicate your fresh idea a bit better than if you use too many common or general words. If someone is sad, most of the time we delve into that emotion and say devastated, or emotionally exhausted. ..or something to that effect, we won't just say sad because it doesn't give the reader a far enough look inside the true emotion. ... 2nd is Flow. A great poem rolls off the tongue rhyming or not, no matter the length. For instance, the part that says Stressed teachers, children called creatures. It doesn't quite hit the mark for me particularly because it's too short for me. If you take a moment and read it out loud you will see what I'm talking about. It's a bit choppy. Just look at it like this....a poet is a weaver of words, the words you use decide the quality of the poem and also how long it sticks in someone's mind. It's got potential, just let the pen go and take you to different places, don't be afraid to express the raw emotions. Yes we get that actual school is the school of chaos but do u think u have really captured the concept in such a short poem ? The line
Smart people
Bullies not gleeful
seems way too forced.
And number 3 to a great poem is how relatable it is which works so great for you because this is a very relatable subject.
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

I feel like I need more from you. I want so badly to feel something from this poem but there's just one little thing missing. The rhymes are a bit forced to me but I'm not going to sit here and tear your poem apart either. I saw the intention was good and I can almost see where you are going with it but in order for it to blow my mind I really want to see some raw emotion. I adore the title! I don't think it's necessary to repeat it throughout the poem. I find that repetition does have its place sometimes but overdoing it leads to monotony. I like the central idea or the theme or what have you. I just think you could play around with the words a little more and come up with something even better. It's not a bad poem but a great poem has 3 important characteristics that give it the wow factor. Originality - you have that. You can harness it a little better by exploring your central idea a little more and by going into a little more detail. Use a thesaurus to weave words that are a little less common and communicate an idea a little better. For instance, stressed is a pretty common word that doesn't express an emotion aso deeply because it's a very vague and general type of emotion. Using a thesaurus to change little words like this to something more profound will definitely help you communicate your fresh idea a bit better than if you use too many common or general words. If someone is sad, most of the time we delve into that emotion and say devastated, or emotionally exhausted. ..or something to that effect, we won't just say sad because it doesn't give the reader a far enough look inside the true emotion. ... 2nd is Flow. A great poem rolls off the tongue rhyming or not, no matter the length. For instance, the part that says Stressed teachers, children called creatures. It doesn't quite hit the mark for me particularly because it's too short for me. If you take a moment and read it out loud you will see what I'm talking about. It's a bit choppy. Just look at it like this....a poet is a weaver of words, the words you use decide the quality of the poem and also how long it sticks in someone's mind. It's got potential, just let the pen go and take you to different places, don't be afraid to express the raw emotions. Yes we get that actual school is the school of chaos but do u think u have really captured the concept in such a short poem ? The line
Smart people
Bullies not gleeful
seems way too forced.
And number 3 to a great poem is how relatable it is which works so great for you because this is a very relatable subject.
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

Nice poem! I particularly liked the way you ended each stanza with the same line; it gives a lyrical feel to the poem. And my favourite stanza has to be
" Loud cafeteria,
Infectious bacteria
This is the school of chaos.".


Lol. Anyway, nice job! I know you wrote on your wall that you don't like people reviewing your old works, but I couldn't help it, I love your poems.

Mysticalxx

Hello!
So, wow, nice poem! Love how you ended each stanza with "this is the school of chaos" it really caught my eye. Nice rhyming, too. I wouldn't have changed it myself. Though your poem was great, there was one thing that I wasn't too fond of. On your last stanza: "Smart people, Bullies not gleeful," as I said before, I'm not too fond of the wording. The way you said bullies not gleeful, it just didn't seem right to me.
Furthermore, it is still is pretty good how it is. I hope you take my advice if you want it, and keep on writing!
- Sunset101

Hi, there. Let me dive in. *coughs*

Okay, so this is simple but so very relatable this is killing me. It's one of those things where everyone can feel like they can relate, but not everyone can actually express and write a poem.

Now, it was almost a little too simple. I would think there would be a last stanza that wraps it all up, I'm not sure how you would do it, but a stanza that's a little different from the rest and a bit more eyecatching and less repetitive than the others would be marvelous.

That is really my only recommendation, though. It was a nice poem and the facts of crowded schools and bullies really sums up a school.

Great work

~ EternalRain ^.^

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. The title of this poem caught my eye and decided to review it since I have nothing else better to do. The poem and title both fit perfectly together since you showed us a school with chaos through only the first stanzas of this poem. I might also agree that many the schools I have been to have been pretty crowed and chaosy (is that even a word?)

Anyway, here are something plus things/improvement needed in this poem:

Smart people/bullies not gleeful This sentence or stanza was redone and i think you made a good choice since it tells how the bullies feel at a school of smart people.

Infectious bacteria This chunk uses a wonderful adjective to describe the food. (If i even went to this school, I would never eat the food.)

Children called creatures I personally think that -creatures should be changed to -monsters since after all children are like monsters

Unlike what i said above, there are some good things about this poem. I like the way you tell the reader how/why the teacher is stressed without saying the main reason.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hey, yo, unknown391625! Strangelove here on this Review Day and I have a review for you!
You know what? I do enjoy poetry about the subject. We all hate school, but I seem to enjoy it. It's either a hit or miss subject, and did this hit or miss? Well, let me get to the good stuff first.
Okay, the flow is rather solid (in a good way). The simple rhyme pattern sure helps. Though kind of a retreaded idea, it does improve the value, though. Other than that, I really have nothing else to say. You can improve on it, though. By a lot. For example, the forced rhyme of

Bullies ungleeful,

Can't find anything to complain about... as per-usual. So I guess I'll just have to give you the cold, harsh, terrifying truth.
I love it.
LOVE IT.
You've captured the scenes and thoughts perfectly in one short piece. And that's an amazing thing to do. No matter who you are.
I do have to gladly disagree with TakeThatYouFiend. I do not in any way think that "ungleeful" is forced. I think it pulls it together in a weird... unusual way. Although, I can not lie, I am one to make up words just because I think it "sounds better".
I also have to disagree in saying, that I believe you ended this in a great way.
I think the repetitive nature of this poem is also a great benefactor of the overall piece.
I believe the simplistic nature, really reinforces the point you're trying to make about the chaotic nature of the school systems. (Atleast of this modern day and age.)
8/10. <- which is a good/ great thing depending on how much of a perfectionist you may or may not be.
Loved this, and hope to read more like it!

Good Luck To You.

Ok, lovely concept, but I think it could do with a few tweeks.
First off, Ungleeful is a forced rhyme. Not only that, but it doesn't rhyme. This is the weekest point in your poem and I suggest you remedy it. It is a small thing, try and think of a different rhyme.
Secondly health and bacterial infection is not a major problem in school cafeterias, any more than anywhere else. What is a problem is crap food. Perhaps try and find a rhyme for that instead.
Thirdly and finally, you have no conclusion. A poem like this needs something to rap it up, or there is nothing to properly connect the different segments. This is entirely up to you of couse, but personally my practice would be to use a coda, a final rhyming couplet, preferably in iambic pentameter if you can manage it. They are mainly in Shakespereian sonnets, but I think it's really cool to see them in all kinds of poetry.
Overall, 6/10. You have a firm idea in place, however there are a few major tweeks required.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend!
P.S. Go Green.

Hi there, unknown.

I don't know how I ended up here... I'm supposed to be writing a paper. But either way, I'm going to be reviewing for you.

I ended up here because the title of your poem made me curious. I love perspectives very much, and your perspective and opinion on school certainly interests me, too. I read your descriptions, which allow me to see what you know of a "school". And, although I know some people might get critical on it, I like how you repeat the "This is the school of chaos" line, because it's what reminds the reader the message you are trying to share. However, if I were to give you an advice, I'd tell you to work more on the description; play with tell vs. show.

In this piece, you've let us know you believe school is chaos, but I don't think you've shown it enough. Mostly, because... for example, you talk about "crowded halls", but I don't know... I like crowded halls and I don't see why it should be chaos. I would like to know things such, what is it that makes a crowded hallway a chaos in your school? Because, perhaps I have never seen a chaotic crowded hallway, or perhaps you have seen it differently than I have and you could share it with me! What I mean to tell you is... try to SHOW the chaos. That will make your poem more catchy and perhaps more meaningful.

That's all I've got! I like this idea very much though. :]

Your friendly neighbor,

GeeLyria