Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Dear Alexis,
I just want to say something. I know at the band concert, you told me I need to get a "better outfit" , right out of the blue, and people said that you looked like a "slut," considering that your dress wasn't below the knees. They were right honestly. And I know that you think that you are better than everyone and you think you are smarter than everyone. Truly, you aren't that smart considering you share your opinions with everything and you hate my friends. Well, I really don't like you. That's my opinion.
Most people don't like you, really. You say that I don't deserve to be first chair in band, and you make fun of my cousin. On top of that, you told one of my friends that I'm "gay." You have done a lot that you cannot repay. I'm sorry, but to me and most people, this is actually true. No, this is not meant to harm you, I am speaking my opinions, just like you do all of the time.
So next time, think of what you say. What comes out of your mouth is rude and very arrogant. You are not the best. There is someone out there that is the best and will most likely be that forever.
-Sincerely,
Adam
Disclaimer: This is not meant to harm anyone, I am sticking up for myself.
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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Well, I don't try to be harsh, but I didn't like this. It was really harsh and I have a feeling this Alexis didn't quite deserve it. I feel like a counselor does need to review this because you do harbor some harsh feelings towards her, use choice language, and everything that can warrant a mass amount of disrespect. However, I must give you props for grammar. It was v nice, on point, and provided a sense of syntax that grabbed emotion from the narrator, who's most likely you. If it wasn't disrespectful, I would really enjoy it.
thanks.
Hey CaptainSaltWater. I'm not going to call this a review, but I am going to share a very relevant story.
In the early days of YWS, I had a blog on here. I thought I was being "safe" but I really wasn't. I shared my real first name, my age, my town and school name, and the real first names of people I knew.
One day, I decided to blog about someone who said something silly in my biology class. Since I already disliked this person (mostly because she was friends with someone who had been mean to me in the past), I added some insults and mentioned her real name.
Somehow, her mother found it and told the school principal. I'm lucky that I only got a talking-to and grounded from YWS by my parents (it didn't last long because they were not that good at enforcing it.
Ten years later, I think kids are even more accustomed to social media than I was at 15. People are used to sharing things under their real names. But with that comes people saying thoughtless things on the Internet and completely ruining their lives and reputations. Something you post today can come back to haunt you years from now. These days, I'm more careful about what I say and I try to avoid mentioning real names and places.
As a rule, it's good to assume that anything you post will eventually be read by people you know in real life, such as this girl you're writing about. I advise you to consider that when making future posts.
Oh gosh, I didn't think about that. Thank you so very much!
Hey, yo, CaptainSaltWater! Strange here on this lovely day and I have a review for you!
Okay, cool, the discussions that we have had throughout the past often made you think of me like some jerk. Keep that in mind, as this was the most ironic/hypocritical work I have seen so far this year. I mean it, more than "everyone is perfect", which those works have a lot of holes. In a way, this is golden, as I now have a new thing to rant about. Shall we begin?
This was cold and immature. You talk about how you don't mean to harm anyone, you're simply sticking up for yourself. You just called this person a slut. Any name calling and insults is harmful. Just because someone tripped you doesn't mean you can go and bomb their house as "sticking up for yourself". No! It's just immature retaliation that only gets youin trouble. You ought to be a bit more smart about sticking up for yourself.
You just called yourself not that smart :^)
This isn't that wise or clever because you're only opening yourself up for me cheap shots by contradicting statements.
You're just putting her down, acting like you're the bigger person in this situation. You aren't. This isn't the correct way to stick up for yourself. Next time she insults you, come back with something witty. The only way to win an argument and or fight is to not get mad, and you aren't doing that. You're losing! Alexis is getting ahold of you! Now, I have to admit, I am peeved at the last paragraph.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH LORD DOES THIS MAKE ME LAUGH. You are honestly coming off as rude and arrogant. Insulting another person and acting like you're leagues above them? Honestly, you should think of what you say because this was immature, contradicting, arrogant, and rude. I usually would say every work has potential. But I don't know about this one.
Keep writing and stay groovy!
Reading this does make me realize that this is very contradicting. Thanks for the review!
To begin: I understand your frustration with this person, but it's probably a good idea for you to retaliate in a way that doesn't involve name-calling.
First, you're saying that people's talent and skill levels never change. You're implying that the "best" person will never get worse, and that Alexis will never get better. Second, you're devaluing the skill that Alexis may actually have by discounting her and telling her that she'll never be the best. While I understand your frustration with her, as I've said, this falls into the camp of name-calling.Slut-shaming (calling girls or women "sluts", shaming them for daring to dress up, look sexy, wear makeup, or be promiscuous) is generally not seen as a cool thing to do. It's okay to say "you're a cruel person", and it's definitely okay to say "it's not right that you act like this, and we don't like you", but when you resort to calling them a name that relies on them acting in a way you don't like, that makes a reader more likely to disagree with you.
In addition, your argument in this piece is very weak. You say to this person "most people don't like you", but you don't provide many examples. The examples you do provide revolve solely around you (yourself and your cousin). Because of this, I as the reader am more likely to believe that this is a case of enmity between yourself and Alexis, and no one else is really involved or cares.
To strengthen this argument, I recommend picking out more examples that don't directly involve you. If you can find them, without necessarily dragging more people into this, then that would help.
Also, your second sentence is confusing. It comes across as a non-sequitur -- why did she say you needed a "better outfit" when people were shaming her? It looks like you're missing a sentence or two in-between there, and I'd recommend editing to make sure that flows logically.
In additional addition, I'd like to address this statement:
Adding my personal two cents, I'd just like to say: This honestly sounds like a case of a middle-school grudge. And trust me, I've had middle-school grudges, I've been involved in them, I know they can be serious at the time. But as it is, almost none of the things you've pointed out to Alexis have a serious weight.
She told you that you needed a better outfit. (What even?)
She says you don't deserve to be first chair in band. (This comes across as you asking the reader to say you do deserve it. It might not be what you intended, but that's how it comes across. And while I know it can be insulting to have people challenge your position in a performance group, what she says can't actually affect you unless you let it affect your performance and you lose first chair because of that. She can't take it from you, so why bother challenging her on it? Just play better and spite her.)
She's made fun of your cousin. (This is the one thing in this letter that I find to have actual weight, but it would be stronger coming out of your cousin's mouth. Coming from you, it has little weight and contributes to the reader thinking this letter is only about you.)
Overall, I don't understand why this is a literary work. It would fit better as a blog entry, but because you posted it as a work, I'm reviewing it. Your argument is weakened by not only insubstantial points but juvenile name-calling, and we have no basis or proof to show that Alexis deserves the scorn you're heaping upon her. I'd suggest adding something to improve this.
Keep writing!
In addition (not really part of the review) -- I've done something like this before. I called out a toxic person who was one of my best friends, who drove me into a deep depression, who made me feel worthless, and who quite literally told me that none of my problems were "real" compared to hers.
But when I called her out, I did not devalue her problems that are actually real. I didn't point out how people call her a slut. I didn't point out how people don't like how she acts. I didn't point out any of that.
I pointed out that she was toxic, and that she made up some of her problems to get a leg up on other people, and that she made me feel worthless. I pointed out that I didn't like her attitude, and I didn't like how she called me ugly to make herself feel more attractive. I pointed out that her actions had weight, and she hadn't been considering them.
This was at the end of the school year. Next school year, I apologized to her. And she apologized to me. And we've never been super-close friends since then, certainly not as close as we were before (she spent every weekend at my house), but we let it slide. And we're there for each other when we need it.
Not saying that my situation is exactly the same as yours, but I'm just going to tell you that name-calling doesn't solve anythjing. Don't tell Alexis how much she hurts you; show her -- it's the first tool in a writer's arsenal.
Thank you, this is extremely helpful.