I put sunglasses on when I showered last night.
Why would I care?
I'm just weird.
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I did a horrifying interpretive dance to "Wreckingball" in Walmart today.
Why?
I'm just different.
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I like the smell of feet.
Who cares?
I'm just being myself.
-
So instead of following or posing,
just be yourself.
It's an amazing thing you can do.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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138,109 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Things that I liked:
I liked that is was funny. A lot of the poems on this sight are so dark, but yours cheered me up. I hope that you keep being yourself.
Things that I didn't like:
I think that the part about your interpretive dance is a little crazy. It seemed funny but it was a little weird.
Notes:
I like how you put the poem into stanza's to separate your ideas, and themes. I see no spelling mistakes, and good use of capitals. I also like how you used proper punctuation.
Other:
Overall I liked this poem, I hope that you keep writing!
send me a video, if you can, of your interpretive dance.
I want to see it.
I actually didn't do an interpretive dance. I don't go to Walmart, the other ones are true though. XD
Wow...I never thought the smell of feet was particularly attractive. You might want to send an email to the perfume company,Kay?
I will consider it.
Is it just me or is there actually irony in this poem?
Okay! Me here for a review. If it stinks, i have nothing to do with that, i'm just being myself! Did i make any sense there? XD
Anyway!
BE YOURSELF! I think you were intelligenet enough in the naming section. WHY, if you ask me, today if you look around, most of us kids are finding it difficult in being ourselves. So, picking up a good title to attract readers, i'd love to say that, it is what a better writer does.
Your poetry is really good, i loved reading it and imagined the situations you wrote.
"I did a horrifying interpretive dance to "Wreckingball" in Walmart today.
Why?
I'm just different."
It is actually horrifying and pretty hard for me to imagine! XD Did you actually do that, eh? Ah, doesn't matter, you're just different!
In your writing, first 3 lines made me laugh and i am actually making up my mind to try this myself, this sounds wicked and funny.
" I put sunglasses on when I showered last night.
Why would I care?
I'm just weird."
Okay, you drew an end with good notes too.Thank you for that. And, overall, a very nice poem really. Good use of punctuations and capitalization and pretty much motivating!
Good work, fella YWSer.
Have good times.
Cheers, Nire.
HEY CAP!!! Hehe, it's me....(in case you didn't guess >.>). I really liked your poem I thought it was whole hearted and you really lightened up my dark room. You tell the people who read your poem how different you are and then you end it by saying "just be yourself".
(So totally cute!!! XD don't kill me pwease!) I kind of found the part where you said:
I like the smell of feet.
Odd because Idk that'd take some getting used to (or maybe it's baby feet awww!!!) Anyways, this was totally awesome! Keep up the good work. Make YWS proud.
(or yourself. Don't kill me!!! XD)
~Wonda!
Hey, yo, CaptainSaltWater! Strange here on this fantastic day and I have a review for you!
I care for you as a writer. That may sound weird, but I do. The material that you are putting out has high expectations, but never could deliver. You are very eager to learn, and are willing to morph to be a better writer. This is better than your former short story, I'll give you that, but I just can't feel it. Let's jump in, shall we?
Throughout this whole poem, you express the idea of "being yourself". The thing I always look for in works is to start off with a punch. This felt more like a kid punch. It wasn't a proper send off, I must admit. It felt a bit too generic, and non accessible.
This is just force feeding the message down my throat. It lacks a bit of subtle delivery. We understand you're different, you're weird, just no need to force repeat that. I can't feel it, personally. I know it can be delivered a bit better.
I am skipping the third stanza, considering it's the same as the two other stanzas.
You switch it up here, which is refreshing, and you ended it simply. You didn't go for this complex ending, you just set it straight and let the audience know what the message of this poem was. That was smart. Though I wasn't a big fan of the message of the poem, or delivery, you ended this pretty darn well. Actually, I am going to be honest, this was one of your better works in a while (not including the Capitalism Rap, which was somewhat funny). I have to give you props.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy.
Thanks. I will probably end up fixing it, but thanks a lot.