June 29, 2014
If you think you have experienced a dangerous or adventurous life, think again. Mortals have it easy. I wish I could be a mortal. I want a regular life, but I don't have a regular life. I am a demigod, a child born from a Greek god or goddess. If you are reading this and you want to be a demigod, then that is one of the worst thoughts. Me and four of my friends adventure alone, facing challenges that needs to be faced, battling monsters, and even more treacherous things that need to be left unknown. I am Adam Lancaster, and I live the life of a Greek demigod.
June 30, 2014
"Well, this is it guys. I guess we have to live here for the rest of our lives." I said, not very enthusiastically. I have to live in the forest with my four friends, Tammie Levine, daughter of Hades, Britney Tanner, daughter of Athena, Doug Charleston, son of Hephaestus, and Schyler Greene, son of Ares. I am a son of Apollo. I have no clue why. I don't even resemble a sunny look. Everyone else, they match their godly parent's personality. I'm different, I guess.
"At least we have something. Look on the bright side of things." said Britney, failing to be optimistic. "Plus, it's only temporary until we find a good place to live."
"I guess that's true." said Schyler.
"We better settle in." said Doug.
"Yeah, lets start setting into our dangerous and dark new temporary home." said Tammie.
We started to empty our backpacks. We had everything that was surplus to surviving out here. I had my favorite weapon, my bow and arrow. I have never gotten a chance to use it. My mom gave it to me from my twelfth birthday. She said it was an authentic bow and arrow given to me by my real dad. I had no idea I was a Greek demigod at the time, so she used the term, real dad.
I emptied out everything else, and set it up. Sleeping bag, about one hundred dollars cash, a pillow, water, a kerosene lantern, food, and some clothes.
"Well, I guess this is home now." I said. I was devastated when I had to go. I had to leave my only parents and my only brother. It was very heart wrenching, but I will be able to visit sometimes when it's safe.
"I have an idea! Let's split up and scour the forest for stuff like sticks and leaves, and we can build a good sized fort for us to live in." said Britney.
"Yeah!" Tammie agreed.
So everybody split up, and scoured the forest. We found a lot of big sticks, quite a bit of leaves, and to our advantage, a large blue tarp. We picked up the tarp and took it with us. We all met back at our sleeping bags. Britney said, "I learned about the forts they built in school. I need Doug to help me do this too, since your dad is the god of engineering and building stuff."
"On it!" said Doug enthusiastically.
"Tammie, Doug, and I will watch your backs while you build the fort." I said.
"Okay." said Britney
We spread out in a circle and protected Britney and Doug while they built the fort. I had my bow and arrows ready, Tammie had her dagger ready, and Schyler had his spear up. Suddenly, we heard something. We had no idea what it was. Then, it came out to show itself. It was the ugliest thing I have ever seen. It had flaming hair, one leg was Celestial Bronze, the other was a donkey leg. It hissed in a horrid voice," I am and empousa, one of the daughters of the goddess of magic, Hecate. Son of Apollo, approach me."
I clutched my bow as tight as I could. My palms were sweating of fear. My knuckles were turning white. I walked toward the empousa. When I was face to face with her, she started to pucker up. "ADAM, SAVE YOURSELF!" yelled Britney at the top of her lungs. I ran away as fast as I could. She started to chase after me. I dropped my bow because of the fear. Schyler started to chase after the empousa with his spear. He chucked it at the empousa, and it barely stabbed her. The spear fell to the ground. Britney grabbed her dagger, and tried to climb on top of the empousa. She successfully got on her. She took her dagger, and stabbed the empousa in the back of the neck. The empousa fell to the ground. She started to turn to dust, and then the dust disintegrated.
Britney stood up in amazement. The first kill of our adventures. We were all so surprised, we all high fived Britney and gave her hugs."Britney, that was so amazing!" Schyler said.
"Thanks." I am pretty surprised I did that too. Night was approaching.
"Guys, it's almost night. We better get to sleep." I said
"I will take guard." said Britney.
"Me too." said Schyler.
"Okay then." I said.
So, Doug, Tammie, and I went into the fort and we slept the night away.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
If you think you have experienced a dangerous or adventurous life, think again. Mortals have it easy. I wish I could be a mortal. I want a regular life, but I don't have a regular life
LOL TOTALLY WHAT EVERY DEMIGOD SOUNDS LIKE. AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS LIKE ....
lol... hooked even more than the title...
god(s) I just love this is so amazing. I thought it would be like dear journal this and dear journal...
but nooo.... you give me the most amazing experience EVER THANKS
PLEASE PLEASE. IF YOU CAN MAKE MORE
If you think you have experienced a dangerous or adventurous life, think again. Mortals have it easy. I wish I could be a mortal. I want a regular life, but I don't have a regular life
lol... hooked even more than the title...
god(s) I just love this is so amazing. I thought it would be like dear journal this and dear journal...
but nooo.... you give me the most amazing experience EVER THANKS
PLEASE PLEASE. IF YOU CAN MAKE MORE
If you think you have experienced a dangerous or adventurous life, think again. Mortals have it easy. I wish I could be a mortal. I want a regular life, but I don't have a regular life
lol... hooked even more than the title...
god(s) I just love this is so amazing. I thought it would be like dear journal this and dear journal...
but nooo.... you give me the most amazing experience EVER THANKS
PLEASE PLEASE. IF YOU CAN MAKE MORE
I saw "Greek demigod" and was automatically hooked!! I love this series so much!
I'm excited you're writing this, as I am a fan of Greek Mythology. Your vocabulary is good. But there're a few things:
First off, the start is really cliche. I mean, everyone starts with "I wish I could have a normal life............". That takes some of the interest out of it. You could begin with some other scene or episode, if you want to.
Second, when you wrote ' I had to leave my only parents and my only brother, it was very heart wrenching'. Well, this doesn't have a heart wrenching effect. On the readers, I mean. You have to elaborate his story, tell more details, emphasise so that the readers feel along with the character. Also, what do you mean by ONLY parents?
Keep writing!
Mysticalxx
This was wrote a year ago, yet thank you.
Hello demigod buddy! *high fives*
).
First off, a bit of advice. I see that some people are confused about some of the Percy Jackson and Greek Myth references. I suggest that you put it in the 'Fanfiction' category. Do this and it's not your problem if they don't know the fandom. Keep it out of fanfiction and it's your responsibility to say what everything means.
Okay, so I absolutely love PJ and I actually really like your first chapter. I like how you began the story just like The Lightning Thief, but you also made it your own. It feels like your main character is narrating their life to me, the reader, so I think you've written it very well in more of a 'talking' style rather than your mainstream novelistic way. You also wrote the fighting scene well, which is really hard to do. I could imagine it all in my head as I read (oops, that rhymes! I must be a kid of Apollo too
Where you say 'my mum gave it to me from my twelfth birthday' just change the from to for and you're right. Also, remember that every bit of speech needs a new line. You did this most of the time but I noticed a couple of abnormally large speech paragraphs.
So, please keep writing! I will definitely continue reading this!!
Hi.
So when I saw the title of this I was beginning to think I was gonna see like a Percy Jackson tribute XD
And I wasn't wrong!
So the inspiration for the piece is obvious, and the way it is written, in a kind of epistolary format fits the voice of the person you're writing from. Diary entries make it more accessible.
You've got a lot of... cliche in these words.
I would consider re-writing some of it.
I also didn't understand what this word was:
What does this mean?
"an imposter?" I'm not sure.
Keep writing!
An empousa is basically a vampire.
Ohhhhhhhhhh. XD I had no idea.
Is it in a different language?
Hmm well it's a Greek monster so I guess it's Greek for something. No idea what, though, blood drinker??
I am confused. But nvm.
Hey, Sillia here!
Greek Mythology is among my top 5 favorite things so I thought i'd give this a shot.
This wording is a bit confusing and your repeating things a little to much. If your writing it from first person you need to word it as if you were experiencing it and as if you were writing down the events. Honestly, you need a better 1st line.
I like the personality and attitude put forth in this sentence, but it did not grab my attention. It kinda made me think...okay? And? You gotta put something like..... i'm not 100% sure how to explain it. But it just needs to be spiced up.
Ehhh....for one thing you shouldn't use the same word twice like that. That's saying, 'Suddenly this happened." 'then this happened just as suddenly.' it just doesn't fit and it doesn't flow very well at all.
You don't really need to say that they travel alone. Its kinda a given unless you introduce like a Camp or more characters.
[quote "Well, this is it guys. I guess we have to live here for the rest of our lives." I said, not very enthusiastically. I have to live in the forest with my four friends, Tammie Levine, daughter of Hades, Britney Tanner, daughter of Athena, Doug Charleston, son of Hephaestus, and Schyler Greene, son of Ares. I am a son of Apollo. I have no clue why. I don't even resemble a sunny look. Everyone else, they match their godly parent's personality. I'm different, I guess. [/quote]
Dosen't make sense and it doesn't flow. For one thing, the part about his friends, its a run on sentence. Also, instead of saying who their parents are right away wait a few. Describe what they look like, but not who their parents are. Adam's yeah, but not every one else's.
Failing to be optamistic? sounds like she's being VERY optimistic to me.
'we found a lot of big sticks'.........
umm...theyre in a forest?? Why wouldn't they find big sticks? The tarp...kinda unrealistic. Why would there be a random tarp in the middle of the forest? at least explain where they found it. and that last part
Wait...who's talking here?
So....you have an okay story line so far. But you need way more action detail and way more description. There is potential here though. Message me if you need some help. Check out some of my works. That's that kinda detail that normally grabs a readers attention. Keep writing!
<Sillia>
Sorry about most of it. I am new to this website and I need to fix up on this story. It's not perfected at all, but as I said I am new.
Thats alright, i was just giving some what i hope is helpful suggestions. Like i said, message me anytime. I'm perfectly willing to give you some help! :- Sillia