Holy cow! This is..*searches for word inside vast brain* incredible!! I can't even

I can't even

I can't even

*Pause* Okay I've regained myself. I just read your song, obviously, and this is so dang talented. I mean, you are! The lyrics flowed easily, I basically sang them in my mind *way to go, telling a stranger you did this* and it was beautiful.

I looked over this fantasticalawesome work but I didn't see any typos so that's a positive. You rhymed at some parts, and others didn't, which I do enjoy because not all songs or poems need to rhyme! Ikr? It just went very smooth, and the title is what captivated me. Anything "broken, lost, sad, depressed, angry" all these mysterious, sometimes unexplainable emotions, forces my thumb to open it up in a new tab and read. Hah, sorry I ramble a lot. But still the fact of the matter is that this is amazing.

Like holy cow amazing.

Like Batman finally dies excitement amazing. Well, not necessarily so. But heh I guess I really loved this.

I so look forward to reading more of your past work and the work that will hopefully present itself in the future! Have a wonderful night *it's 12:32 am here* or wonderful day depending on where you are.

Again. Thank you for posting this. I loved it.

~ Freak

thumbs up! And follow!

I don't want to dwell on what has already been said but I like this and I believe it could be a cool song and an even better poem, if you just work on the arrangement.

Like for example, some lines in a stanza rhyme and others don't, then some line are so long and other are really short, it's not a bad thing bit if it is arranged in a way that makes it seem like the narrator is telling something by making the poem the way it is, it will definitely catch the attention of the reader better.

Don't mind my nitpicking, your poem is LOVEly.

This poetry reads like song lyrics. It fact, it might be better categorized as such.
Last line of stanza one - 'refuse *to* take', line four of stanza three, 'carefree', maybe drop in some more punctuation. Nitpicks.
This poem feels like it's supposed to feel happy. At times, it does feel happy! For the depressing chorus and introduction, the tone is otherwise rather mellow sweet. The third and fifth verses especially are toeing the line; a narrator trying to figure out how to smile and what it all means, perhaps. The transition from sad to happy throughout the verses is a kind of cute.
The first and last stanzas rhyme along with the choruses, while the third and fifth do not. That damages your flow.
The varying lengths of your verse-stanzas is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is certainly a noticeable one! Especially the third verse-stanza, where all of the lines are 50% larger than the previous verse-stanzas. (Strange phrase there.) This is especially odd because the places where the dashes are are easily places where line breaks could be.
You mention in your A/N that you weren't thinking when you wrote this, and... it shows. It reads like you were making up the format as you went. That can be fine in writing, but this doesn't seem like that sort of poem.
Good luck!

omg love it <3

Hello Myjaspercat!

Basia77201 here with a brief review! I love this poem! I did have a couple things to nitpick at though...

The last line says "the hardest part has already been won." I would change it to "the toughest (or hardest) battle has already been won. Since the phrase is typically said as, "The hardest battle has already been won. I just feel like that might make a little more sense.

Also, how exactly does the "Count it 1-2-3 part" fit in? I feel like it is misplaced. There is nothing else in the poem that ties in with "count 1-2-3."

Also- have you thought about being a song-writer? I feel like this would make an awesome song.