A/N: Came up with this while listing to the song by Switchfoot, don't know if it is any good but I thought it be nice to share anyway.
"Every blessing comes with a set of curses." ---Switchfoot/ vice verses
To every day,
There is night.
And for every light,
There is darkness.
May every birth of life,
Only follow with death.
Because nothing good ever,
Comes without bad.
For when I think of this world,
And its inhabitants
I see nothing more then both,
Blessings and curses.
I see peace and war,
Those with homes,
And those who are homeless.
I see well feed families,
And children dying of starvation.
I see love,
I see neglect.
And I think to myself,
Why?
Hoe could a population of souls
Allow the embrace of hatred.
Why doesn't someone
Stand up to these lies?
Break the cycle
Of blessings and curses.
Stop,
The darkness from spreading.
In the depths of night
Create your own light.
Stand up and stand out
Become something
Someone can look up to.
Lend a helping hand
Volunteer.
When you see
Someone in need,
Offer them a
Shoulder to cry on.
Break the cycle of
Blessings and curses.
Make it only blessings,
Choose peace, hope
And above all Love.
"Every blessing comes with a set of curses."
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hello there! Night here for a short review.
Okay, before I get started: I love Switchfoot. Vice Verses is one of my favorites. So thank you for being cool. XP
Some grammar things and then personal comments.
Then -> Than
Well fed or well-fed
Hoe -> How
Did you mean for love to be capitalized as such? Also, I think it would be more meaningful if you added a comma or made "love" a separate line, like:
And above all, love.
or
And above all,
love.
I think it would just make it stand out more and leave us with a sense of finality.
I really loved the line It flows really well off the tongue. This whole poem struck me as more of a slam poem for reading aloud passionately rather than intellectually reading it in your mind.
Anywho, I personally felt that this poem lacked the weight that you were going for. To me, I really failed to draw any meaningful lines out of this that stuck with me afterwards. It seems more like ramblings about the world's failures and successes, but not in a particularly original way. There are quite a few cliches and overused vocabulary. It's a great idea and you have some great points, I just felt that it could have been executed better. I would suggest first deciding what ideas you want to drive into the reader's head that are absolutely necessary. Then work on describing and showing, not telling. Look up synonyms for a more delicious vocab and create your own examples to avoid cliches.
Overall, I felt that you have a solid idea, but that execution can be improved.
Keep writing and being amazing!
~Night
thank you for the review. I know I need to work on it, honestly I wrote it yesterday in class after a test so I wasn't expecting perfect. And yes, another Switchfoot lover, there like my life.
No problem. Switchfoot is amazing.
Wanted to also point out your mistake in saying hoe on line 27 you also misspelled on line 16 you said feed, should say fed well feed families makes no sense. But other than that I liked this poem. I'm not a huge fan of poems but I have found a couple on here whose poetry I liked, yours and ironically since she commented rituparna I haven't seen any other poetry I liked, and it's defiantly my weak area in writing but I have written some poetry. I do it when I'm depressed which is reflected in it, and as soon as I get my computer fixed I will upload some probably. But anyway good job I really liked this and it has a good point behind it, you did a very good job.
thank you for your review.
Your welcome. Honest opinions help writers in many ways.
the poem gives a good message and is simple in delivering it. i would like to do some nitpick
i think the work "hoe" in line 27 show have been how, a typing error perhaps but do correct it
then i think the second stanza is quite confusing.when you say may every birth follow death it sounds quite depressing and pessimistic, and as i guess its not what you want to mean. you can keep the paradox through some other phrase or at least experiment with the work "may".
i like the advises you give at the end and your theme is bright as day light but i think you could have been more precise, believe me i have seem many of the poems of this sort and when you read the things with same meaning over and over again it gets quite dull.
try to introduce some literary devices to ornament your poem that to create an attraction and make it more interesting.
i like your work with paradox and perhaps you can use some more of it
overall the poem is good, try and make it even better
keep writing and sharing with us here-
Rituparna