Eyes, colored by the hues
Of a thousand emotions.
Which look upon the world
And see nothing but raw emptiness.
Skin, used as a canvas
But not to create.
Where it is left as a pale white line
To forever remind.
Darkness, so pure
hiding the shadows and lies.
Happy to embrace, arms opened wide
Ready to wash away the slate
A rope, that lays ready
Not really judging.
Whispering in a solemn voice
Waiting... to take a life.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here, a review fro the nest. I would first like to bring out that this poem is amazingly well written and how many people could relate. I mean, not me or anything, but the struggle you try not to commit suicide thinking about your family or how much you might miss your family if you try to kill yourself. You look back onto those days as closed doors without a need or a want instead now, you wonder why you haven't done it yet.
My friend used to cut and never tell me since she needed to release her feelings inside and that was the only way. All she had was me and sadly, her dad had died a few weeks ago just after she had stopped cutting and then she started doing it more. Her father would motivate her to stop doing it since he and I were the only two people who knew.
This poem reminds me of my friend and the people who want to kill themselves. You are all beautiful flowers in a well-fed ground.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
thank you for that review. And I hope your friend eventually stops (if she hasn't already) just be there for her. Anyways, thank you again.
I likd the length of the poem and the style you used in the poem I really dont critique grammar and punctuation bc j suck at that too and theres many things that culd of went wrong or just a habit .but anyway I love how u express urself through this poem . Anyway thats my short review
Keep writing ill love too see more work of yours
-oldsoulxoxo
And plz if u dnt mind read my poem wait and see thxz:)
I was picturing a brightly lit body and it's contrast used as a poetic metaphor for the crevices and juxtapositions of a state of living and being human. Yet I really don't think the last lines were necessary. It kind of ruined it by taking the character; A person, and making it a rope.
Since this is a dark poem, I would suggest editing the title to suit it better, This is just my opinion it's your poem
thank you. I thought that I would change the title eventually myself.
If this is you... *hugs* I've never self-harmed, but I know a lot of people who do, and I'm familiar with the emotions associated with it. It sucks.
Now, first things first--you don't have to capitalize the beginning of each line unless you want to. (I'm not sure if you've been told this yet; sorry if you have.) Microsoft tends to do that for you, so sometimes I'm lazy and just leave it like that. It's common to just leave everything lowercase in poetry, though--the poets on yws get that critique a lot. Basically, since it's poetry, you get to decide what you want to do. If you want to follow the rules, great! If you don't, feel free.
i hope this still works the way it used toYour spacing is ever-so-slightly off. Unless that's a stylistic choice--and if you'd like, you could create a pretty neat effect by off-setting certain lines in this poem--you should remove that.
This feels a bit awkward as two sentence to me. I think you could combine the two without it being a run-on--but I tend towards run-ons, myself, so you might want to get a second opinion.
Overall, you're pretty good at this poetry thing. I'm not very good at things like rhyme schemes or specific formatting--I'm more of an off-the-cuff, can-you-even-call-this-poetry sorta poet--but you got the emotion onto electronic paper, and you show promise as a writer. Keep at it, and you'll watch yourself improve. I can almost guarantee it.
thank you, and about the one line being of thing; yeah I saw that too. My computer is old and I tried to fix it but couldn't so I kind of said 'wtf' and stopped obsessing over it. It's hard since I have OCD
You might try writing with something online, then. writerfeedpad is connected to yws, and titanpad usually works when that doesn't. There's also googledocs, etc.