(one poem at a time movement #1)
June 8, 2017 1:34am
What if I told
you that my biggest fear was dying?
Alive one second and not the next.
If
I told you that I lay in bed on short summer nights
listening to the crickets
annoying but beautiful melody as
the rain rolls slowly down the pitch of my
roof and to the ground
thinking about what it be like if I died.
What
would happen to my family, my friends, my stuff.
How would I die?
Would it
be painful or painless?
Would I know it's happening or would I one day fall
asleep and never
wake up.
If I told you that I'm afraid of what comes
next.
Do I go to heaven or hell?
Do I start over in a new body with a new
life after a new conception
or am I just gone.
Nothing.
Rotting away
six feet under ground until I'm dust.
What if I told you that my biggest
fear was being alive?
Feeling each rush of fresh oxygen run through my lungs
after every inhale.
When I lay in bed on New Years morning and I think about
the months gone by.
I'm now a year older, wiser, closer to death.
What if
it's the fact that I can see myself age?
Through every picture on my
wall,
I watch as I grow taller and taller and my cheek bones become more
pronounced
but I don't feel a thing -none of us do.
Because one day we
look down and we realize were not small anymore
we have large hands, grown up
teeth and we no longer fit in a crib.
What if it's because I'm afraid of the
fact that I cant feel myself aging
but I am.
Because at one point I was
seven
now I'm seventeen
and hopefully I'll make it to seventy.
What
if I told you that my biggest fear is realizing that everything I believe in
doesn't exist?
That there is no God, no happy ending, nothing.
Or that
none of our beliefs for that matter exist.
That we're all just fighting wars
for different reasons
without truly having a reason.
I'm afraid that
everything I have ever believed in
is just an illusion of my mind
taught
to me from the illusions of others.
That I have nowhere to go when I
die
or no one to cry to in hopes that all my problems
will
disappear.
That our
beliefs aren't
real.
What if I told
you that my biggest fear is what people say about me?
Not the bad or the
lies
because I've heard the bad and the lies
and I've stood in their faces
and I have yelled.
I yelled until I no longer had a voice.
Until they went
deaf and they stopped making their sound.
But that I'm afraid of the good.
When you tell me that I'm a leader,
that I'm strong or that I'm going
places.
Because I'm afraid of disappointing you.
Because more then half
the time
I don't see what you see.
I don't see strong young women
who
has her life straightened out
but a little girl who is so scared
of taking the wrong step
and going tumbling down a
C .
L .
I .
F .
F__.__
What
if I told you that my biggest fear is not being who I am?
That I'm going to
wake up one morning and not
have the ability to do what I do.
That
suddenly I wont be able to write anymore
because my w-w-words no l-l-on-on-ger
flow.
Or that I cant read,
every letter jumbling around with the
next,
Or maybe that I can no longer enjoy music.
It has all become white
noise in the background.
A ringing in my ears that I
cant seem to
stop.
And no matter how hard I try
it's gone.
The words. The worlds.
The music.
What if I told you that my biggest fear is finding a
husband?
Finding someone who is just as strange, just as weird and just like
me.
Because it would be then that I know I'm worthy of at least one persons
love.
I wouldn't have to wonder anymore what it is about me
that others
don't find attractive.
And you know, there are hundreds of girls out
there
who wonder what it is that doesn't make them attractive too.
All
because we label people in this society
Fat. Ugly. Stupid....
This list
could go on and on and on.
And I'm afraid of that, afraid for them.
Afraid
that they'll never accept and love who they are.
That is the worst
feeling.
What if I told you that my biggest fear is not feeling anything
at all?
That my emotions are locked in a little box
and I've thrown away
the key.
I'm afraid that I might be able to live that way,
because I don't
know if I'd be able to live that way
a mindless, robotic being.
And it
scares me because I want to feel what others feel,
it makes me feel
alive
which in turn makes me afraid
but at least I'm
alive.
However, what if I told you that my biggest fear is being
afraid?
Redundant isn't it.
Afraid of being afraid.
But that's what I
am.
I'm afraid that one day I might have the ability
to step up and make a
difference
-let it be in only one life or a thousand-
but that I'm going
to be too afraid to
take that step.
Yet, what if I told you that I
learned that it's ok to be afraid.
It's ok to fear those hopeless, stupid
fears.
Because I've come to realize that
MY BIGGEST FEAR IS not being
afraid at all.
See you have to think about what
that country, that WORLD
that we live in
would be like if we no longer had to be afraid.
Some
might call it utopia
to me it's what true fear looks like.
Because if we
don't have to be afraid-
if there's nothing left to fear,
then what kind
of world are we living in.
Is it that we are living in
conformity or
freedom?
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review. I'll go by reviewing this stanza by stanza. My words will have a ^next to it.
What if I told you that my biggest fear was dying?
Alive one second and not the next.
If I told you that I lay in bed on short summer nights
listening to the crickets annoying but beautiful melody as
the rain rolls slowly down the pitch of my roof and to the ground
thinking about what it be like if I died.
What would happen to my family, my friends, my stuff.
How would I die?
Would it be painful or painless?
Would I know it's happening or would I one day fall asleep and never
wake up.
If I told you that I'm afraid of what comes next.
Do I go to heaven or hell?
Do I start over in a new body with a new life after a new conception
or am I just gone.
Nothing.
Rotting away six feet under ground until I'm dust.
^This stanza personally is my favorite. I personally share this fear myself. Some sentences ended with the wrong punctuation and under ground should be underground, but other than that good job.
What if I told you that my biggest fear was being alive?
Feeling each rush of fresh oxygen run through my lungs after every inhale.
When I lay in bed on New Years morning and I think about the months gone by.
I'm now a year older, wiser, closer to death.
What if it's the fact that I can see myself age?
Through every picture on my wall,
I watch as I grow taller and taller and my cheek bones become more pronounced
but I don't feel a thing -none of us do.
Because one day we look down and we realize were not small anymore
we have large hands, grown up teeth and we no longer fit in a crib.
What if it's because I'm afraid of the fact that I cant feel myself aging
but I am.
Because at one point I was seven
now I'm seventeen
and hopefully I'll make it to seventy.
^This stanza had its mistakes, punctuation-wise, but the words you chose were smart and has meaning. I would probably suggest downloading Grammarly, it helps out a lot.
What if I told you that my biggest fear is realizing that everything I believe in doesn't exist?
That there is no God, no happy ending, nothing.
Or that none of our beliefs for that matter exist.
That we're all just fighting wars for different reasons
without truly having a reason.
I'm afraid that everything I have ever believed in
is just an illusion of my mind
taught to me from the illusions of others.
That I have nowhere to go when I die
or no one to cry to in hopes that all my problems will
disappear.
That our
beliefs aren't
real.
^Personally I don't have this fear, but many people I know do. Everything was spelled correctly and I didn't see any grammar and punctuation mistakes.
I would continue on, but I don't have the time and I keep repeating myself. The poem's idea/theme is very deep, and you handled it very weel. Good job. If you haven't already, I would suggest downloading Grammarly. It's free, and it helps a lot!
Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
can you tell me where you think the punctuation errors are and why?
Sure. But sorry for not naming these specifically in the review, I felt sick and the computer screens' light was hurting my head. I tried to get it done as soon as possible.
In the first stanza,
Would I know it's happening or would I one day fall asleep and never
wake up. The sentence should've ended with a question mark.
All the others were in the rest of the poem I didn't have time to review, but I'll name them too.
In the eight stanza,
Redundant isn't it. I'm a bit mixed on this one. I really don't know if this one needs a question mark because of the way it feels if you read it out loud like I do when I read poems. Do what you want on that one.
In the ninth-tenth stanza,
Yet, what if I told you that I learned that it's ok to be afraid. This also needs to end with a question mark.
Again, sorry for not naming them directly in the review itself, that was foolish of me.
oh it's totally fine, I understand completely that sometimes you just don't feel well enough. I appreciate you answering though, thank you for all your help!
Hi,
Nice poem. You are a good poet. It is a macro poetry. The more I read it the more i liked to read it. I am a poetry reader and I like to read good balladry. This is one of the best i read so far. You talk about aversion. You started with your fear of dying. Every one hates dying. Your question is good. It is an ask-able question. I loved the part when you involved friends and family. It is a realistic poem. Then you asked how would you die? Death is a sad phase, but we can ask any questions. I liked the way you expressed your feelings. Through out the poem you delivered nice feelings. It is all about feelings.
Keep it up.
thank you so much, I'm glad that you liked my poem
Oops, I don't know what just happened. Sorry about that.
Wow, wow ,wow! That was awesome. It's one of those poems, sotroies, moments, in life when everything else is tuned out. I really liked how you kept going on with different fears, ones that everyone can relate to. This poem was something I can relate to. That is what's such a talent you have. People won't always want to read teh wild the crazy. But the real straight from the heart? Thats what people will be drawn to. It was really amazing. I also really liked the ending when you stated it's okay, good even, to be afraid. Everyone is afraid of something, that brings us all together. Where would we be if no one was afraid of anyone or anything? how would you bond with others?
I feel a bit like I'm ranting here, but that shows you something there. You want to write something that imspires thought in others and this poem did that so well.
Thank you for that.
Wow, wow ,wow! That was awesome. It's one of those poems, sotroies, moments, in life when everything else is tuned out. I really liked how you kept going on with different fears, ones that everyone can relate to. This poem was something I can relate to. That is what's such a talent you have. People won't always want to read teh wild the crazy. But the real straight from the heart? Thats what people will be drawn to. It was really amazing. I also really liked the ending when you stated it's okay, good even, to be afraid. Everyone is afraid of something, that brings us all together. Where would we be if no one was afraid of anyone or anything? how would you bond with others?
I feel a bit like I'm ranting here, but that shows you something there. You want to write something that imspires thought in others and this poem did that so well.
Thank you for that.
This poem spoke to me. These fears are something I have all the time. It's crazy to live in fear but when you're laying in bed thinking about these sort of things, it really takes a toll on you. It's something bigger than being afraid of spiders (me!) and heights (guilty!). Thank you! Hope to see more from you!
~Courtney~