"Always write with passion. Think of writing as a way of bringing all your hopes, dreams and thoughts to life." ---Cherlina Works
My heart has finally shattered.
It grew like a dying star
Then burst inside my chest
Until only fragments of it remained.
There, behind this rib cage of mine;
Which is now a partially empty shell,
Sits the remnants of what used
To be a life-long dream.
I can feel my blood
Burn through my veins
As it carries the ash
From it's fading embers.
And as I struggle to reach,
What came so easily
I can't help, but let out a frustrated cry
Because I cannot feel it anymore.
There's no intrigue
Or suspense that would clutch my soul
I can't feel that love
I had when I put my pen to paper
Now, these words just look
So jumbled upon this page
And I am terrified because
I think I've lost my passion for writing.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello there!
Oh no! Is this true? I can relate to this! Sometimes I lose myself from the passion of writing a poem. I can't just help it so bad! Sometimes when I am writing my stories from other places and notebooks. I can't feel but just lose my confident on writing because I feel people discourage me. Some times like you want to just throw everything away! Because you can't just get a thing on your head to write on your story! Worst feeling!
Sigh. I wish I can never lose a passion for writing. Writing is my life. And i hope your passion for writing wont be lost. Are you dedicating this to you or someone else? I'm sure people get relate to thi especially writers and authors. And i know when they read this they wont lose confident on this.
Everyone has way to feel this passion back. They know something that is connected to their life. Everyone feel how it hurt to just leave the passion you already experience.
Anyway, I love the poem. Not only its relatable but its also well written. The format. Well done with that too.
When I'm reading your poem I try to feel it. Which I actually do! I feel myself breaking into emotional break down. Because it touches my heart. I realize that I shouldn't give up my passion for writing. Thanks for this poem!
Everything is good. You express so many feelings here. The readers would feel this if they actually value what every deep word you just wrote.
Well done again!
-ILoveBooks123
hi,
This has a nice flow and I can relate to what your feeling. A lot of the time when you can't find inspiration to write something or think of anything to write down on a piece of paper it bugs you. You start feeling irritated or even depressed and then that tends to worsen. After that stress settles in or some other negative emotion. In a world like this now days it's hard to get inspiration anymore. The fact that all of us still do is quite impressive to me. Before you decide anything get that negative thought "I think I've lost my passion for writing." out of your head. That's just the beginning of it, If you come to this feeling again try and do another hobbie of yours for a while or be adventurous a bit. Use your imagination anything that you think will give you inspiration. There's also a solution that I like to use every once in a while where you just write down random words from dreams you've had or things you've experienced or words in general. After you got quite a few down see if you can spot anything specific in them. In my opinion, you haven't lost your passion for writing. This poem is just proof enough for that.
I enjoyed reading this poem and was able to relate to it. I hope you don't lose your passion for writing and keep up the good work.
-Ranay
Hello, myjaspercat~
and the concept of a heart "shattering." Cliches are bad because they've been used so often that they don't bring an image to mind anymore. You managed to make a heart shattering fresh, but not the soul clutching. You might want to change it.I understand that this poem might have come from a place that was not exactly inspired. But it is written, and I applaud you for getting it out of you.
Let's talk about your poem. You have some nice imagery, but I feel like it's inconsistent. In the first and third stanza, you have purely imagery, which is nice, but in all of the other stanzas, if there is imagery, it's not doing it for me. There are also a few cliches, which I'll point out a bit later. I think the problem is that you're stuck in the problem. Which is understandable, seeing as your problem is you feel like writing doesn't come naturally to you anymore.
I suggest trying to keep the dying star and ash images consistent throughout the poem. Find things that relate to these and use metaphor in the less image-heavy stanzas, to make the poem both more interesting and consistent. A poem is used to express one idea, and it is nice if the metaphors reflect that.
One big cliche that I saw was
Another major issue I found in the poem is that it's wordy. When poems are wordy, there are too many words surrounding the meaning of the poem, and it doesn't read as clearly. What you need to do here is take out all the words that you don't need, and then add some back in if you really need them. Let's look at stanza two as an example.
The first thing we're going to cut is "there." You give the location quite clearly, and "there" isn't really doing anything for the line. Also, we can easily get rid of "of mine" if we change "this" to "my." The semi colon here isn't actually grammatically correct, so I'll change that to a different punctuation for you. "Which is now" gives a time, but it's not particularly important in the scheme of the poem, so we'll cut that, too. "Of what used to be" is unneeded because you use the word "remnants." Adjusting for line breaks and punctuation, this is the streamlined, less wordy version:
It's still your poem, but we've pruned it. Go through this process with the rest of the poem, as well. The result will be more direct and approachable.
There's no apostrophe in the "its" there. "Its" is possessive, while "it's" is the contraction of "it is."
I don't think there should be a comma at the end of that line. The pause feels unnatural, and there's no grammatical reason for that comma there, either.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Aw! Don't worry! You'll get it back. Trust me, I've gone through these stages multiple times. Evrey time I think I've lost it for good but all I have to do to get it back is take a break, recharge my tank and then set out to write agian! As for the poem you obviously have talent. I liked the dying star. Very powerful. Keep it up, but first take a break!
You had me at dying star.
For some reason I absolutely loved this, despite the 'jumbled words' you can easily read the passion behind them.
For the shattering of something clearly so heart felt, I feel like there could be more And I'm left wanting for more but it's also a suitable length to get the mesage across- that the spark has died with the words.
Would love to see more like this! Keep it up!
Thank you, I am glad you like my poem.