I used to look in the mirror a lot
and what I saw, I learned to fall in love with...
my chestnut hair, hazel eyes and Spanish hips.
In my mind I was beautiful,
a princess --just as every girl believes she is.
But as I grew up I stopped looking in the mirror as often
because what I started to see wasn't beautiful anymore.
Instead I had a fat face, frizzy hair and an ugly body
and I felt as if I just didn't belong in this world
where people gained popularity, hell even friendship,
on the size of their ass and the flatness of their stomachs.
It's been an uphill battle ever since then,
since I gave up looking in the mirror.
I hate the body that I was born in
I long to look like someone else,
thinner, less "curvaceous,"
whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
I used to look in the mirror a lot
and it was something that I looked forward to,
yeah it sounds naïve and rather arrogant
but, I kind of loved my self back then...
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138,220 Literary Works • 672,084 Reviews
Hello myjaspercat! c: Cat here for a quick review! Let's get started then, shall we?
I would change the comma after beautiful to a semi-colon, but that's just a personal thing.Clarity
This is simply beautiful <3 I can relate to this quite a bit myself, and you never wavered from your point. This is one of the most easy to understand poems I've read in quite a while, and I adore it.
Flow
Your flow is beautiful. I never once stumbled, and it just fell so naturally off my tongue. Awesome work! It's hard to get that sometimes c:
Imagery
Also amazing <3 I could picture the speaker just perfectly. I might add some metaphors or other figurative language, but that's just me, and it really doesn't need it that much.
Emotion
This is where I felt it fell a tad bit flat. It's a weird thing to say, but I can tell if the author poured their emotions into their work or if they held back. I think you held back just a little bit. This is also the part that is hard to advise how to fix. You are definitely going in the right direction, I just think it needs a tad bit more c:
Specific line thoughts
Comma needed where indicated in bold. This is the oxford comma thing, which is basically just saying you need a comma before your 'or' or 'and' in a list. There's a few other things in that, but that's the basics of it.
Comma needed where indicated in bold.
The '..since then, since..' is kinda redundant. I would take out the comma, then, and extra since so it reads like this: "It's been an uphill battle ever since
I gave up looking in the mirror."
I'd use a semi-colon instead of a comma again.
Comma goes outside the quotation marks.
Both of these lines take your elegance and shake it, which kind of ruins this beautiful poem for me. I'm not sure how to change it, but just giving my thoughts as a reader.
Overall, a wonderful poem! Great work and keep writing!
~Cat
Radrook here to offer a review. Please feel free to ignore any suggestion not deemed helpful. If I offend it is not intentional. Apologies if I do. That having been said
I really enjoyed reading this poem concerning a person who was once pleased with her appearance but who then became displeased as her appearance changed. Please keep in mind that such an experience befalls all humans if they live long enough because of the havoc that aging inflicts on the human body. Muscles shrink, bone-density is reduced, skin wrinkles and sags, chest sinks, belly begins to protrude, and it isn’t a very pleasant thing to see in the mirror. In fact, looking in the mirror becomes a dreadful thing for those reaching the evening of their life.
In any case, the poem does convey the frustration felt when one doesn’t see what one would like to see in the mirror. However, one thing to keep in mind is that physical appearance isn’t all that is involved in a woman being beautiful. Some women who are physically attractive can be classified as veritable monsters because of a seriously flawed personality while another who is less physically impressive might come across as a truly beautiful woman because of a wonderful personality. In fact, physical beauty is very often accompanied by narcissism and the attitude that others should pay homage. Being physically beautiful while lacking a sense of humor, being incapable of feeling empathy, and enjoying being cruel isn’t a particularly enticing package.
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Question:
What are Spanish hips? I can’t seem to form any specific mental image.
But as I grew up[,]
A very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you for the review. I'm glad you found the piece interesting. In regards to your question, when I said Spanish hips, I was talking about the body shape of most Spanish women who tend to have smaller waistlines yet fairly large hips that give them that kind of hour glass look. Hope that helps
I don't know but this poem talks a lot about me. They say poetry has a manner in which it is written like how people are supposed to look 'beautiful' but your poetry doesn't have that and I like it "IDK if u get what I was trying to say" All i'm saying is I like that you have ur own style and keep up.