Mon amour-
I will give away to you my heart
for either you to take or break.
Because it already feels as if I
can no longer control its beat.
Mon amour-
Cause I'm a little bit of an
awkward person, I never quite know
what to say. And maybe that's
why I always try to avoid
a conversation.
Mon amour-
But there is so much left unsaid.
So much left on the tip of my tongue,
where I am afraid the words will forever stay
left to be forgotten.
Mon amour-
And I am afraid of being forgotten
afraid of having no one to come back to,
for no reason to want to come home.
Afraid of being afraid.
Mon amour
Mon amour eternal
Mon amour-
I will give away to you, my heart
for you to either take or break.
Because it already feels as if I
can no longer control its beat.
Cause you control its beat- Mon amour
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello myjaspercat! LadyShadows here for a review!
Keep writing.
Of course I would be known by you, as I have reviewed poems from you before, and like said, I'm becoming a fan! However in my opinion, this could be a weaker poem of yours. I liked it, but it did not have as much of a 'grab' as the others I've read did. Being a romantic poem, I loved the fact that you used french for 'my love.' It gave it an interesting twist, but how the way the poem was set, it just did not fit. It ruined the flow of the poem. And I think there might have been a bit of wordiness as well. And avoid casual talk. you have the word 'cause' in the poem. I think it would be best for you to have 'because' in there instead. Lastly 'afraid of being afraid' just gets to me. This is all I have to say. However it was a good thing for you to be a bit repetitive in the poem. Not every poem does that. Have a good day
Thank you for the review and I understand that it is more casual then what I usually write and that's because this is what I wrote my boyfriend in a letter when I asked him out to homecoming, before he even became my boyfriend so that's also why it's rather wordy and stuff. It did start off as a letter, but I will definitely take to working on it to make it better so thank you again for the review.
Hey there myjaspercat!
This is the first of your works that I am reviewing.
I am not a good poetry reviewer, but I'll try my best.
The poem somewhere lacked to grab my attention.
I really enjoyed how you used "Mon amour'' instead of its English counterpart 'My love'', it adds an extra kick to the poems exclusiveness.
My favorite verse was
'And I am afraid of being forgotten
afraid of having no one to come back to,
for no reason to want to come home.
Afraid of being afraid.'
Afraid of being afraid. Ah! That line.
Although, the two lines after that
'Mon amour
Mon amour eternal'
I didn't understand why you've put it there. It does not seem to belong.
But, that is the beauty of poetry, not everyone has to or will understand it.
Hope you have a good day!
Cheers!
Alex Blackwell.