Two Roads

Hi,
A great theme, I like it.

**Review Starts Now! (REVIEW DAY'S REVIEW)**

This is sparkling. I love many things in the poem.

This relates many things. The vivid words you used, perhaps, is good. This line is piercingly entered my mind.

Today I see the world in black and white,

Yes, the first line. This opening strikes the readers. And I think, "world", isn't an appropriate here. It is simply because I'm bored with it. Of course, "world" bores me, it may bore others too. "World" is a good word, indeed, because of it being meaningful and concise, aye? You don't want to use the word, universe, right? The badness of "world" because it is being too open, too wide, its scope is big. Here, I want you to focus on using a that can move people and bring out a concrete image.

Do an experiment, look around and see what's around you. Now, close your eyes. Open them and look again. Look for things that aren't important. For example, footsteps. In a place filled with people, you will think footsteps as unimportant. But what about footsteps when you are alone in your house in the middle of the night. These footsteps is now acting very important. I want you to find a word that can replace the "world" in your poem. It may be anything. But make sure it is related.

Another thing I noticed in the first line is "black and white". This may be your "emphasis", your biggest message in this poem. I agree with it. You may want to add something else here while revising, but I recommence on highlighting the phrase throughout the world. But not by repeating the phrase. I particularly hate

Each line either a brilliant white or a sun kissed yellow

The sky is a sea of blues and whites and grays.

Don't add the "white" or "whites" here. You already explain your "whiteness" in the first line of the poem. Search another word, I don't want you to repeat it.

And regarding the usage of the words of colors here. Like the above quotations for examples. To me, these words are raw. There are full of possibilities. Abstract, in a simple word. Of course, they are all right there. I can only give you this: Choose the right time for right word. Most of them are fine already, but some are worsening the poem.

I notice some grammar mistakes or I would say them, an un-consistency in your poem. Like the rule of a parallelism sentence,

There are two roads I stand between, To freedom or to a mindless machine.

"To freedom, or to a mindless machine"? Why? I don't question the meanings, but the articles. I feel like "freedom" is lacking "a" in front of it. You said, there are two roads, but I only see one because you didn't put the "a". This mistake happened to other places as well. I want you to skim your poem and check this out. There are places where you missed out a few commas or semicolons like before "I feel free.".

Every whisper hits me like a wave

I like this particular line. But is "like a wave" enough?

**The Review's Almost Ending**

This poem soothes me. It is good.

Keep writing!

~Memo

P/s: There is no extras in review day. Sorry.