A/N: sorry guys, but I haven't really mastered the whole formatting thing yet. The spacing in inconvenient I know but I at lest broke up the different stanzas for you. Hope you enjoy this poem.
Beauty,
Pure and simple.
Sweet kindness that so slightly
Touches my heart.
A smile that smiles,
From cheek to cheek
And a laugh that takes my breath away.
*****
That is him,
Every thing he is.
But people can’t seem to see past
His rough edges,
The darkness that cloaks him.
In the shelter of band t-shirts,
And gages.
******
I am afraid,
Not for myself but for the gentle,
Innocent child that hides away
Within him.
For the hand that reaches down,
When you are on the floor.
Or for those eyes,
That look at you with everything but hatred.
******
I am afraid for him,
Someone who has not seen evil
But who has bathed in the light of love.
I am afraid that the world will harm him,
Tear him down and break him.
I am afraid for the day when,
He no longer sings the song of my heart.
******
When his breath doesn’t sync with mine,
When each step he takes
Is a step farther from me
And when I can’t feel the tenderness
Of the touch made by his strong, callused fingers.
******
I am afraid they are going to take him from me,
And that is selfish
For that I think of myself before others.
But my fear is strong,
Maybe more so then my hope.
This world we live in is cruel
Only dotted ever so slightly by those.
As true as him.
******
Humanity is flecked with anger,
Passion. lust and hurt.
We think bad thoughts, and say bad things.
There never is true peace.
Where we could live as one.
So yes, I am afraid.
I am afraid they are going to take away my rock
And turn him into something he is not.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
LadyShadows here to review!
Keep writing.
Firstly I liked the poem. I have read another poem or two from you, and I'm becoming a fan! Your poems, in my eyes, hold power and truth and that's what I like. It holds uniqueness and boldness.
Secondly, I have noticed that there are some issues, however. I've read the reviews, and it looks like some covered what I was about to say, but I'm still going to say it. Formatting can be an issue. And you know what? Don't sweat it. Sometimes those can be silly mistakes. I have problems with that sort of thing too. But keep practicing at that sort of thing. Also, I want to ask one question. What truly is this talking about? I keep getting the vibe that it's a child in general, and you're afraid that society will turn him into something he's not, or that he is something, and yet society will make fun of him for who he is. What I'm saying is, the poem kind of lacks clarification. Other than this I think you're good!
Hello, I'm Phoenix and I'll be reviewing your poem today.
First off, I really enjoyed this poem. I love what it's about and your really have all aspects of your content down. Great Job!
Secondly, of course the format is an issue. I'm glad you got it separated into stanzas, though, good job, I struggle with that too, haha. Another issue with format is the fact that you capitalized words that were not at the beginning of a new sentence, and needing capitalized! You might want to look into that!
Keep writing, and never give up! Have a lovely day!
thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it
Besides the formatting and everything i believe that somewhere your poem is very confusing because it does not really highlight the subject clearly. i read the poem twice to exactly understand what are you trying to convey. The details you put in though were very tochy especially the lines
" I am afraid for the day when,
He no longer sings the song of my heart,
When each step he takes,
Is a step farther from me"
You have beautifully expressed these lines exactly indicating how the way Parents have concerned over their kids and what keeps them bothering about the world around them because parents always give the child the environment that is totally different from that the world around him. They nurture him, love him and act as a roof always.
In real world things turn out to be quite different because people take advantage they betray, they lie, they cheat, they mistreat, mistrust, etc. this was something i really liked the way you described in your poem because that`s something closer to the reality. i completely second that!
The poem is some how related to all of us especially to me because at this age i am just 24 i still feel pampered and my Parents keep me under their protection, shelter and teach me how good i should be although the world around is harsh like i mentioned above.
It is not something like my Parents are not aware how bad the people are around but they feel what goes in comes out. They say do good and find good!!!
On the whole its a good attempt you can do still better looking forward to your future poems!!!
good day!
thank you for your review