There are white tiny flakes, falling slowly, slowly
From high up above they gather, gather
One-by-one they stick
And one-by-one they freeze
As the cold winter air blows through the trees.
Inside this house, there’s a fire burning, burning
Sweet oak ash floating, floating
Peppermint displays
Hanging from the trees
As the cold winter air gives us
A breeze.
Children are sleeping, sleeping
Dreaming, dreaming
Of candy and cookies
Santa and elves
Their sweet soft
Breathing, breathing
As the cold winter air
Brushes their faces.
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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey!!
So I see nothing Much to review. This Is so very simple yet elegant. great job.
I love the fact That you repeated certain phrases to make a point. This is really a very great and wonderful and excellent piece of ART. I could not have done as greatly as you did creating chis pIece and I hope you are proud.
Great job, Once again!!! This is truly A beautiful poem and I lo've it.
Keep writing!!,
~Tiff
Thank you.
hey there
this is a lovely piece.as someone who loves winter and snow i found this very fresh and pure
something you could imagine and live easily while reading the lines,it is not complicated but also not silly ...that kind of poetry which is simple and elegant.
what i found interesting in this piece is the repetition of some words,it's really catchy and it makes it even more ...sweet.
but -for me- you should try to give the lines the same length,because there's a very noticeable difference which doesn't give a good overall look about your poem to the reader.
keep writing
thank you
anytime
Great great great writing!!!
Certainly have a real poet here!!! Love love love the way that you say things twice sometimes like "sleeping, sleeping", "dreaming, dreaming" and "floating, floating". Maybe thats just cause a character in a story I'm writing always repeats things twice sort of like you do, but nonetheless this is amazing and I wouldn't change anything about it! Gives a very clear picture of what this would look like in my mind and the emotion of "dreamy" is evoked very very well!
Great Job! Keep writing!!!!
-Zanda
thank you so much and I would definitely like to read this story of yours sometime.
No problem
This one is amazing and I really liked it. done. No reviews here.
Thank you so much. Glad you liked it.
Wow, that was simple and elegant. It seems like you had an inspired idea, but you couldn't find the right words, like a dead end dream when you're about to wake up. If that's the case, can describe the snow? I'm also going to give you some advice that was given to me, which is to not directly say what it is, but to show it. So, when the fire burns, describe the burn. Describe the soft, pale moonlight, half hidden by the fluffy white clouds against a starry night. Describe the taste of the cookies the children dream of. I mean there is so much you can add to this. I'm sorry if I sound rude, it's just so exciting to think of all the possibilities with this and where you can go with it. You can add a tone, like happy dreams with vivid scenes and bright colors, or a dark tone, with black clouds covering the moon and blank dreams. You can also add a moral at the end or a quote from a famous author or celebrity. Or even something of your own creation that's inspirational and engaging. Ok, I got to go. See you later, and keep writing
thank you for suggesting to add detail, but I kind of want this as a very simple piece. If I end up changing it eventually, I will definitely keep what you said into consideration.
Cool, and I understand wanting to keep it simple. Good luck in your writing:)