''Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.''---Markus Zusak
I see everything as if it was painted with a thousand hues.
I wake up in the morning, I am always breathless,
For what I see takes my breath away.
And though this may sound redundant,
This is what I have to say.
The darkness of my room is dark,
Until the golden gleam of light,
Casts its artificial rays of sunshine,
And illuminates the night.
For once that line is crossed
And all is brightly, bright,
I see more than just the dark,
Misguided colors that had filled my room seconds before.
My eyes gaze upon the beauty,
Of life and all its splendor,
And so I think nothing,
Can take away what is pure and right.
I can feel the breath of the earth
Upon my skin, in the form,
Of a whisper made by the wind.
And as it caresses my ‘innocent’ check,
My heart mustn’t but skip a beat.
Because what I felt was
The kiss of an angle.
And when the dark fades slowly form this room
I feel free,
For I am not locked in a cage of obscurity.
When I step out in the cold,
A shiver runs down my spine,
Making me wonder if death himself
Has given me a hug,
Because it wouldn’t be like him,
To show any feelings at all.
Though sometimes we wish,
He had a feelings of his own.
And when I step out in the cold
And that shiver runs down my spine
And when I see the artificial light
Brush way the darkness,
I know that this is beauty
I see everything painted in a thousand hues.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hey there myjaspercat (interesting name, username?)
Here for a brief review darling. Got to admit that though you have written this
poem 5 months ago (just took me 5 minutes to locate the date this poem) the Title of this
lyrical poem was a captivating one.
'Beauty in a Thousand Words or Less'
This did relate to your poem for it was definitely lengthy
.. not so lengthy that i skipped stanzas
but lengthy in a good way that it was worth reciting the whole mouthful
of words all worth a dime and that the stanzas flowed together like they depended
on each other to spark.
Just a few patches to do this priceless work you got up there love. Wont want to
make unnecessary comments but this i thin you should consider.
'I wake up in the morning, I am always breathless'
Well reading this line was kind of a bit mouthful (probably because i have sore throat) and disrupted the smooth flow of your poem. So i suggest that you could construct it this way to make it effective to the reader to help them read it easier as it leaps off their tongue smoothly:
'I wake up in the morning, always breathless'
If you think it still sounds pleasing to your ear well let it stay as it is
but if you want more spiciness in there i recommend you consider my suggestion.
(do change it it bleeds my ear every time i read it out loud! (jokes).
'And as it caressed my 'innocent' check'
Okay that line totally didn't make any sense at all in my freaking brain.
(i may not have a brain but my eyes do not deceive me of the the spelling error).
Is it 'cheek' or 'cheque'? Cause it definitely can't be 'check' at all. You cannot caressed
a check unless you check a caressed cheek. (that did not make total sense what i just wrote, ignore that previous line).
Anyways,
Totally love the eye-candy title (i wanna lick the title off this poem)(jokes seriously! but i do want to copy-paste your title, well more like hi-jack your tile to my new poem.)
Okay thats enough nonsense señorita i have to go so bye!
And continue writing hot stuff like this ban you got right up this review!
Cheers!
Love you too!(jokes)
Hello! I am here to leave a review. Your poem was good. Your choice of words was well thought. The title caught attention. However, I don't exactly know how to say this: the idea was sort of lost along the way. Too many words maybe. Or I think what I'm trying to say is that you dragged it out. Maybe getting to the point quicker? Just throwing it out there. And one last thing, "Because what I felt was the kiss of an angle.." I'm quite certain you meant angel. Spelling is very important. Good luck!
Like Castiel, I detected an expressionist influence in the poem, but this influence caused the poem to become somewhat too free. There are times when the words do not contribute to the totality of the poem, and in one instance particularly, even contradict your primary theme.
In one line you describe the dark colors as "misguided." However, your metaphor for darkness depends upon the lifelessness of darkness. Darkness, in your metaphor, is the antithesis of life. It is total bleakness. By giving the dark colors personality, you affirm that they exist in the same capacity as light; it is just that you prefer the light colors to the dark colors. I apologize for my repetition, but I'm going to continue to provide evidence for my argument; the preface to your poem indicates that existence is beautiful. Therefore, I think the poem would be more cohesive if you maintained that "darkness" is absence, not simply misguidance.
As far as places where the words do not contribute, your tangent about death having feelings is out of place. It creates a conversation for four lines that the poem does not have enough time, nor focus, to continue. It removes the reader from an assertion that life is beautiful to a question about death. If the poem continued to defend life in light of death, it would have more value in the context of the entirety of the poem.
Although meandrous, your free verse reads easily, which is good. I would suggest, however, becoming more practiced with fixed forms so that you can "corrupt" them in your free verse to create more interesting poetry. Your vocabulary is fairly varied, and you do some interesting things with the language that you use. Overall, good job.
Hello!
First of all, I want to say I really like this poem. It was a little long for my taste, but that is just my opinion. The poem reminds me of Anne of Green Gables, you know, the way Anne always looks at things and sees their beauty?
There were some things that I saw that just seem like grammar errors and such. For example in the middle you say " all is brightly, bright". I do not think you need a comma there. Also, at the end of the second to last line I think there should be a period, to accentuate that you are about to end the poem.
I like how there are no specific stanzas.
Thanks for the read!
shinobithief
Well, Helloooooo, this is Tay01 here and thank you for reading this review of mine, and you would want to, because, why not?
First, you write pretty good here. I believe that you can do better, I do not know. Too good for me. You write perfect, good rhythm, I guess. Rhyme is okay,Everything is good. Not too bad you know. Anyway, how would you rate your own poem. I'd rate about 8-9/10. That is not bad. Actually quite good, not excellent but very good.
Thank you for reading.
~~Tay01, Lover and Great Fan of an Old Film of Walt Disney's; Finding nemo.
P.S. Separate stanzas with "Shift+Enter"
P.S.S. You are real good
P.S.S.S. You described everything. But try describing anything.
Hey there, Castiel is here for a review. I love this! It kind of reminds me of the mind of Vincent Van Gogh. (If you ever watch Doctor Who, they have an episode with him in it, and its really awesome and my favorite episode. it makes me cry EVERY time.) How he painted with the colors and boldness to really capture EVERYTHING in the picture. I feel you did the same in this poem. it really captures EVERYTHING and it gives a great visual. overall, i think you did a great job. keep up the amazing work!
Your friendly writer on the block,
~Castiel, Angel of the Lord