A/N: So I'm not sure if I have posted this yet but when I looked at my work I didn't see it so I'm posting it anyway. Review harshly. Thanks.
"Raindrops are the perfect lullaby" ---Unknown
I sense it, before I see it
The sweet droplets of water
Falling from the sky.
As they hit the ground
In a uniform pitter-patter
Penetrating the earth,
And soaking beneath its surface.
The smell of the moist,
New Mexican dirt
Floods my nose with its
Fresh, muddy scent.
This is an unexpected surprise
Like it normally is,
The rain.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Wow, that was short...Probably the shortest I've read today. Anyways, on with the review. It's subject was something small, but you expanded the meaning into something greater. You had feeling into it, and the wording was great too. Not only were you explaining the rain, I felt like you were explaining the person too. Maybe it's just me, but this reminded my of when I was sitting in the rain. I felt like I revisited that memory and held onto it for the time I was reading this. Everything was beautifully written, and may I be the fifth to say this was awesome. You did a wonderful job! Good luck Jasper!!! And may you find a four-leaf clover today.
(I always say that now that I think about it...)
~Laelle
Thank you so much
Your welcome!
Hello!
I wasn't sure what to expect (hehe... unexpected) with this title, and the poem about rain was definitely a nice surprise. I must say, your imagery here is amazing. It feels so simply done but it's amazing. I love it.
I like how it wasn't just about rain, but it was about the unexpected surprise of rain. Although it's not a HUGE difference, it is nice to have a different thing going on.
A couple parts were a little choppy, but I felt like it was almost better this way, even though choppiness usually isn't good. But I like the shorter lines, it adds a certain feel to the poem.
Lastly, I would like to say I love the quote at the beginning, and I love how you used a quote! It's so interesting - but the idea of it is beautiful as well. ^_^
Please keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Thank you
Hey there Kat here to review for team WHY?
Oh what a nice title , it makes sense in this piece the way you tied it in. Kind of intimidated here I am probably not as helpful or harsh as Strange sorry .... but I really loved your poem.
I also thought it was interesting how you started with a quote. This whole poem was an oxymoron <3 goodness I really just can't find anything wrong, sorry?
~Kat
Thank you, I try to title my poems to make them tie into the poem itself and I prefer to use a quote that ties with the poem as well. Glad you like it
Thank you, I try to title my poems to make them tie into the poem itself and I prefer to use a quote that ties with the poem as well. Glad you like it
Hey myjaspercat! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
So, in the last few poems I've reviewed, only one has managed to surprise me, though that had some major problems. Let me get this out of the way, so far it's the best one. Being not the biggest nature poetry fan, it made it even better. Let me get onto the good stuff!
The vocabulary you have here is spot on. It's the way you described the rain falling that sets the atmosphere for me, and atmosphere is the best thing I can ask for in a poem. I actually could imagine the rain falling, which was odd, because rarely had poems done that for me. That was just really impressive.
That right there felt golden. I loved it. The way you use pitter-patter was perfect and made me smile for some odd reason. Especially the ending, you had this subtle word play that just settled in my skin. It wasn't a bumpy roller coaster, but it sure was fun.
The biggest criticism I have about this poem is your choice of capitalizing every time you hit enter. It made my eyes hurt, because I had to track where I was. I think without capitals like that, it would be one of my favorite poems. The style was good, the wording was good, it was pretty darn good!
Good job, thank you, and keep writing!
Thank you, i'm glad you liked it. In fact I thought pitter-patter was going to be to childlike so I was actually afraid to you it. Again thank you.
Okay, so this poem is nothing less than pure greatness! I have learned over my reviewing here that I kinda suck at 'reviewing harshly'. I think that some people are better at that than others, I am not one of those people. So, I will let others review it harshly, while I just simply review this amazing piece.
So, I love the overall idea of it and how it sorta absorbs a cool vibe to it. I can honestly say that I have never read a poem like this before, and that's a good thing. I like the idea of using rain as a main topic, and how it contributes to the feel of the poem.
Although this may not relate to many people it's a clever poem with a lot of potential! The detail is amazing! You know how to pack a lot into a small poem, and that takes a lot of talent to make it nice, short, detailed, and very organized. So, yeah good job on that.
You definitely have an insane talent! you have a great poetry mindset, and a great outlook on how to write them. Your format was nearly perfect, and yeah everything was simply great! Keep using your gift!
Keep writing bro.
~#41
Thank you. Many may not relate to it, since it's about my love of rain and New Mexico. I grew up here, so yeah. Also I wrote this about a few weeks ago when we were having rainstorms out of the blue. So yeah, I'm glad you like it and thank you for your review.