"I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light." -Helen Keller
"Night brings the darkness,
to me, something so pure and clean.
The dark holds no lies,
though the dark is where the lies, lie.
To me the light is dirty,
compromised by the sins of a sinner world.
The light is what holds the shadows of the dark,
amongst them,.
sitting in wait, are the claws
of anguish and pain.
And as each hallow sound of my,
lonely footsteps echo through the empty streets,
I can hear the seductive whisper of the shadows,
that originate in the dark.
They call out to me,
beg me to visit them, to be their friend.
Instead, I smile,
a sweet, innocent smile.
No, I am not afraid.
No, the shadows, they can wait.
They can wait for someone else
to enter their hold."
-Myjaspercat
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140,206 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hi, here to review your poem.
I'd take out "a sinner" or replace "sinner" with another adjective.Grammar/Spelling
2nd stanza you have extra punctuation marks here "amongst them,."
I feel like there are way too many commas, especially in the 2nd to last stanza. I'd go back through and make sure you need all of them and aren't just throwing them in randomly.
Other Suggestions
I thought it was an odd choice to put the entire poem in quotes, and also somewhat distracting. I would consider maybe putting the opening quote in italics if you want to be especially clear where your original work is and where you're quoting.
This is a redundant use of the word "sinner"
3rd stanza I love your play on words with "hallow" because normally I feel like people might say "hollow" but putting "hallow" instead is really interesting.
3rd stanza could be a little reworked though
it reads a little weird that you say "each.. sound... of my..." "footsteps", and "echo". It's like you're switching between plural and singular something needs to be switched around not sure what. In fact just reading those 4 lines over again, you are like switching between what you're talking about a little confusingly. Is the point of this stanza that the footsteps are hallow, lonely, echoing, or that they originate in the dark? Mostly the last line is confusing because what does the visual darkness have to do with your audio senses?
Repeating the word "No" in the last stanza is a little confusing to me as well. What question are these answering and why the 2nd "no"?
Overall
Your assonance is really good especially with the "i" sound from "lies" at the beginning. The poem has an overall nice ring to it. You also establish a good consistent tone and are able to stick with.
You show both the threat and the beauty of darkness, and express some unique thoughts throughout the poem. I couldn't really tell if their was some bigger metaphor of just what the "darkness" was, but I'm sure it could be interpreted in a deeper way than I am interpreting it. For me it was just an enjoyable read with good imagery and sound devices used. My only other big suggestion would be to maybe try breaking up/ squishing lines together so that each stanza has the same number of lines for the sake of rhythm and consistency.
Good job, and good luck in future works.
Alliyah
I really liked your poem, It was really good. And I really enjoyed reading the quote by Helen Keller, at the top of the page, but morely I really loved this poem.
What was interesting to me was how the poem was entered in the text. You acted as if you have already said it a million times, and acted like it was one quote that you stated. I liked how you did that, because you don't really people do that in their poems all that much, and you do. I like that, so if you write another poem, you don't have to do it, but you should write it like you did in this one, because I think people would really like that form of text. To me it's interesting. Well that's all of that, back to the review!! XD! 
I can't say a favorite part, because... Well. THE WHOLE THING WAS MY FAVORITE PART!!! XD!
Alright I didn't really see any nitpicks, but what was really interesting was this... This takes a spoiler box, and if I mess up on it I am sorry, but this is I believe my second spoiler box, but the first one I did a long time ago, so please don't judge me if it's bad. Thanks.
Spoiler
Alright sorry that this is a kind of long review, I just had a lot of say about you fantastic written poem! Well keep up the good writing...
Dogsrule5 over and out! XD!
Love,
Dogsrule5
thank you, and glad you liked the quote. I am trying to add a quote somewhat relevant to the poem in the beginning of each poem.
Cool! I like that idea, but I won't do it since you are doing it and I don't want to copy, or for it to at least look like I am coping you, because that can hurt our reputation. And I don't want that to happen to any of us.
thank you for your consideration
You are so welcome! Keep writing!
I like your poem. I'm not entirely sure I understand it, though. The narrator mentions liking the dark and disliking the light, but by the end is refusing to enter the shadows. Why might that be? Also, what does the line "though the dark is were the lies, lie" mean?
Overall, the poem has an interesting mood about it. It tells of the things that happen under cover of darkness without actually saying what they are. It describes the light as being something bad, backwards of what we usually think. I think that's a pretty cool twist.
Good job, and keep it up!
Thank you, and answering your questions... First, it describes that the light holds the shadows (line 7) As stated through the poem, the light is bad. So the writer knows not to enter the shadows because they are bad and full of mischief. Second, the line 'though the dark is were the lies, lie' means that the lies of the world lie in the dark. Hope I made things clearer and again, thank you.
Yes, that's much clearer. I think I didn't understand that line because it's supposed to be "though the dark is WHERE the lies, lie," right?
yes, sorry, my mistake I'll go and fix that spelling error. Thank you.