Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I wish I could be the kind of poet
who found it easy to write two simple words,
that could capture your struggle.
Like... "love sucks"
Or... "fuck you"
but I can't quite work it out.
I mean, I've even tried "fuck love"
and "suck you"
however, the last one kind of hinted at
subtle suggestions that just didn't seem
...appropriate...
See my problem has to be you.
Like don't get me wrong,
I enjoy having you apart of me.
Without your weird, squishy,
synchronized, built-to-a-standard-tempo
heartbeat, I'd be dead.
So i still appreciate you, yes
but...you suck.
HA! There I found it.
"You suck"
now doesn't that work quite nicely.
Anyways, like I said, I appreciate you
I really do.
But couldn't you be just a little less finicky.
Seriously bitch, pull yourself together
you're starting to make us look like a snarky,
teenage drama queen-
and we worked so hard at bypassing
that goddamn social stereotype.
I mean if you can't learn to calm this shit down
I'll have to call in reinforcements
and we all know that when father brain gets
involved, no one goes to bed happy.
Listen, Heart, I get it. You're lonely.
And for some reason you hate yourself so much
you just can't seem to get enough of those
sappy romantic TV shows
that we all know were written for
middle aged white woman.
But this tyranny has got. to. stop.
I'm putting my foot down, wait...
Crap! OUR foot down.
The left one incase you were wondering
and I'm putting an end to your circus.
As of right now,
you're no longer aloud to think of anything.
Nothing, nadda, zip.
You've been impeached from this office
go on and take a fucking vacation.
Thank you and goodbye.
.
.
.
.
Um... Heart, did you...
I mean you saw him too right?
Like it wasn't just the eyes...
No? Okay.
So... wanna continue Vampire Diaries?
Yeah? Alright.
Me too...
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
hello, Ash here for a review
SO this is a great poem, however, there are just a few things that i need to point out for this reviews sake.
"I enjoy having you apart of me."
here i think that the wording could be a little better.
like maybe it could be
"i enjoy having you being a part of me."
because with the line originally it sounds like youre implying that you like having your heart youre talking about being away from you, but with the rest of the stanza youre expressing how much your heart means to you. so that line makes it just slightly contradictory.
"but...you suck.
HA! There I found it.
"You suck"
now doesn't that work quite nicely."
here it also seems kinda contradictory with what you had previously stated, unless i have completely misunderstood (please let me know if i have haha)
okay so what im trying to say is that a lot of this is contradictory, but with that being said i think that also helps with the internal struggle youre describing so in a way it makes sense?
iDK I STILL THINK THIS IS REALLY WELL WRITTEN THOUGH AND IT WAS A FUN READ
keep up the amazing work
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
best!
>Ash
Wow, that was...intense. I am familiar with the internal struggle you’re describing. I like the way you write it as if your heart was a person you’d talk with daily. (I mean some people do metaphorically)
I know poetry has different grammar rules but during “But this tyranny has got. to. stop.” (haven’t figured out how to quote yet ^^) you should capitalize “Got”, “To,” and “Stop” Unless you did that on purpose. Otherwise a quite relatable piece.
~ScarredSecrets
Thank you so much, I'm glad you like the poem.