[A/N]I normally don't post back to back but I was going through my things and found this poem that I totally forgot I wrote. Enjoy
"I'd rather die tomorrow then live a hundred years without knowing you."
--John Smith/Pocahontas
I think about you all the time now,
even when I don't intend to.
I just cant help it anymore
as if somehow all my thoughts
turn against me
and find a way to conjure-up
your face, and your voice
and everything that you are.
What's worse is the fact that
I know I can never have you.
That's why I'm terrified to ask you out.
Because deep-down I know you'll say
no,
because why would someone like you
ever fall for someone like me.
When our roles are reversed in which
you're the beauty
and I'm the beast.
Yet, at the same time,
I regret to inform you that
I have hope.
Hope, that is utterly hopeless.
But it is what it is;
hopeless hope.
And I wonder why.
Why is it that someone could
have such a strong hold on another
without realizing it?
Maybe I am just a walking-
-hopeless romantic,
a teenage girl with a stupid, petty
crush.
However, maybe I'm on to something.
Something I don't quite realize myself.
Maybe it doesn't have anything to do
with you,
or maybe it does-
who knows...
Life isn't just one huge
cliché happy ending
fairytale.
Everyone is built up,
broken down and
glued back together.
We fight to be who we are,
to not be lost or forgotten,
we fight for the love we think we deserve
and wait for the love we have, to
go away because we think
we're not worthy-
That's how it is with you.
I don't think I'm worthy
not pretty enough,
or funny or smart.
So I'm just trying to wait out this
eternal storm-
because I know,
that if I wait long enough
this love I feel will go away.
And I'll forget about you, maybe
and you'll forget about me.
And we'll both continue to live our lives.
You one way, me another
and we'll find the right person
someday.
Because that's how life works.
I think about you all the time now.
Even when I don't intend to.
"True that he's no prince charming, but there's something in him that I simply didn't see."
--Princess Belle/ Beauty and the Beast
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139,604 Literary Works • 672,617 Reviews
HI,
Simple and sweet poem. The starting was superb. I was reading it with patience. I was loving it. I didn't see any flaw in your poem. It is constructive. The feelings hidden inside it were phenomenal. I love to tear off poetries. I loved it. I am so keen to read more from you.
Keep writing. Good work.
thank you.
Hi myjaspercat, Becca here for a quick review.
and was poetic since thoughts can't literally turn against you, it was a great example of your use of figurative language.I've read your poem twice now, and I was actually thinking it might read better as a personal essay/memoir. What do you think about that? Obviously there are prose poems, but this didn't really seem like it had any rhyme schemes/meter/musical qualities/images/or intended line breaks.
And since you're telling us a lot, instead of showing us, it seemed more like an essay. I also wasn't too fond of the beginning or ending quotes around the piece. They were a bit distracting to me.
I thought this was very relatable:
I also like your idea of:
in terms of this part: I really liked the idea of it not having anything to do with that person, but I thought adding the "maybe it does/who knows," kind of weakened your idea. I would just get rid of that part.
In terms of the ending, I think it could have ended with This part: we already knew from the rest of the poem, and you don't need to say it again at the end.
Obviously everything I said is just a suggestion, and as the author it's up to you what you want to do with it. Keep writing!
P.S. I hope you feel better if this is based on a true story. I hope you will find someone who will love you for your awesome self! <3
Hey there! Akelia here for a review!
So I would just like to start of saying, I LOVE THIS POEM. I loved the Disney references, and how they really went along with the poem. It was an awesome choice.
Now, onto the review. I usually like to do my reviews in two sections, sours, and sweets. Sweets being what I loved about the poem and what you did well, and sours being what you could improve on. To get it over with, let's do the sours first. On with the review!
Sours:
1. The poem didn't rhyme. Although poems do not have to rhyme to be a poem, it does help tremendously if they do, as it helps with the flow and the sounding of the piece.
2. The stanza's were broken up, and the sentences where placed differently. A sentence can be used into two lines on a stanza, but here I found them to be very choppy and unevenly placed. It made it a bit hard to read, but with some easy fixing, it would look and sound amazing.
Now, onto the sweets!
1. The title was very enticing. It drew me in, and made me want to read it. As titles are meant for this purpose, you did an excellent job in doing it.
2. As I said before, the Disney references were an awesome plus. They really made the mood of the poem stand out, and really made me, the reader, think about what the words were saying, which is important in a poem.
Overall, awesome job! You did great with this poem, and with a few easy fixes, it can be amazing. Keep up the good work and remember, never stop writing!
Thank you for the review. Yeah, I normally never rhyme. I prefer free verse because it doesn't tie me down with word choice or anything like. Honestly I almost hate writing a poem that rhymes. Thanks, I chose Disney quotes and beauty and the beast references because the guy I wrote this for loves Disney and beauty and the beast in particular. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you again for the review.
No problem!