z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Everything in Between

by myjaspercat


"The true beauty of music is that it connects people. It carries a message, and we the musicians, are the messengers." ---Roy Ares

The melody, so sweet and sublime
Holds this bewitching feature
Which never fails to catch my eye.
That flows from the tips of his fingers,
As they gently bang away
Upon these piano keys.
And, the beauty of which
I feel each soft newborn note
Ripple through my body,
Sends shivers running down my spine.
And I cringe slightly at,
The magic which is held between
Each of the baby grand's strings.
It is these moments
On stage and off that reminds me
Why I do what I do.
And it's these memories,
That let me  know I have made
the right decision...
I am a musician and a dancer
And everything in between.

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71 Reviews

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Reviews: 71

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Sun May 31, 2015 5:24 am
ashtheawesome12401 wrote a review...



Hey hey I hope you're well!
Okay.
So I am here to review. (I'm trying okay please forgive me if this isn't exactly helpful)
Okay:

First of all, beautiful piece. I love this. It's powerful and yeah. Great job!

But sadly there are some things I did not like. :(
Okay the "ands"
honestly you can cut them out. Like theyre tacky and tacky isn't good when it comes to poetry. Like I read the poem without the ands and it sounded a whole lot better and yeah.
The rhythm was okay to me. Plus poetry, I noticed it doesn't really need rhythm to be honest Well it does sometimes but yeah . Anyway I hope this helps and I can't wait to read more of your works! Bye friend!




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Points: 522
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Sun May 31, 2015 5:20 am
WishUponAStar wrote a review...



Really lovely piece, but just a few things that could be fixed up:
-The flow of the lines doesn't seem too natural, so it might be helpful to try and play with it so it flows more evenly
-As mentioned already, there are some unnecessary commas, but it also might be helpful to add some in and maybe mess around with it and tweak it until it sounds more balanced.
-I really loved your word choice though, so beautiful! Especially "gently bang away", that's a great oxymoron! The description of every little detail is incredible, so keep up the nice work!




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5 Reviews

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Mon May 18, 2015 8:11 am
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Tobiah wrote a review...



Hello there,

Lovely poem you have here. I can certainly relate to the passion for music and rhythm.

And, the beauty of which


I feel like that 'and' isn't really adding to anything. In fact there's a few 'ands' throughout that I don't think really do much for this poem. They just make it bulky, in my opinion.

Though this piece you're talking about music, and musicians, instruments, etc. But then, you throw in a mention that you're - or you know - is a dancer. It's just kind of random- not completely of course, obviously dancing has to do with music. Though it could have been a bit smoother. Reading it again I can see that certain things could be perceived as indicators that this is about a dancer as well, such as:

I feel each soft newborn note
Ripple through my body,
Sends shivers running down my spine.


That gives the impression that they have the dance bug- if you know to look for it. If you don't, it just kind of blends into the music side of the poem.

Why I do what I do.


Why not tell us what it is they do? This line is quite vague, and although we do know what they're talking about... I still think you can do better then that. I'm not sure how; that's up to you.

Thank you for the read though! I look forward to seeing more from you. :D

~Toby~




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Points: 343
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Mon May 18, 2015 4:16 am
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Bball41 wrote a review...



This poem is pretty descriptive and well portrayed. It gives you a new perspective on music in a way a lot of people will be able to get. The joy and passion this narrator has for music is bled out through the words written. It's amazing! You know how to make a reader interested and intrigued. This poem made me think of classical music and the calm soothingness it can bring. Whether that's what you were going for or not, it was really well written. Overall it is a very great poem, but I do have some problems, which are really simple and easy to fix (if you choose to take my suggestions).

1. The flow is a little choppy. Whether you did this for effect or not I'm not sure. I would suggest messing around with the formatting to make it more flowy

2. You have some commas that really aren't needed. I would suggest reading through your poem out loud and see if you needed a pause where you have a comma or not. This will also make it flow more easily.

Now onto something's I liked.

1. Some of your wording is beyond amazing. The way you describe some of the music is breathtaking.

2. You have a way to pull someone in. I love the feeling I get she I realized how the title is related to the story. This all made sense with the last sentence. You captivated me from start to finish.

Keep writing bro!

~ #41





Nothing says criminal activity like strong bones. ;)
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