One time I was walking,
down the street.
I came upon a man,
whose name was Pete.
He said that he had,
some extra feet
that he could spare,
if you gave him some meat.
~
It just so happened,
that I did have some.
I had been to the butcher's,
a quarter after one.
So I gave him the meat,
and he took out his thumb.
He rolled back his pants,
and not two, but twenty-one!
~
He had big feet and short feet,
skinny ones too!
Feet with extra toes,
and some awful smelly goo!
Feet with lots of toe-nails,
and some with only a few!
I knew I could use another,
so what was I to do?
~
I chose the best that I could find,
a short one with a long nail.
It smelled pretty good,
(and my old one smelled like snail)!
The old man Pete said,
"That one will come in the mail!"
I nodded, a little nervously.
This foot had better not fail!
~
So I walked on home,
went to my mailbox, and sat.
When finally I saw,
our old Mail-man, Matt!
He smiled and said,
"I've got a package for Pat?"
He handed me the box,
with a tip of his hat.
~
I opened up the package,
and there was Pete's feet!
He had thrown in an extra one,
that good old man Pete!
So if you ever are in need,
of any type of feet,
just go to old man Pete,
and give him some meat.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
In Jo Rowling a.k.a. Robert Galbraith's newest novel Career of Evil, the story begins with a foot arriving in the mail! It's possible that she took inspiration from this sweet poem of yours!
Hello! So this has been sitting around for a while, so I'mma review it the best I can.
Shel Silverstein is a great poet. ^^
Okay, aside from the strangeness of this poem, which I guess appeals to little kids but not really to me, this poem is pretty good. You do have some just general errors in here with grammar (like, check your use of "I" and "you" and such in your first stanza. That read pretty awkwardly at the end. Also, for example, you said "there was Pete's feet" which should be "there were Pete's feet"), and I think you tried to get a rhythm down but there were many, many places where it was missing.
Silverstein's poems are great not only because of their whimsical subject matter and rhyming, but also because they have a sing-songy rhythm. In lots of places in this, you're cramming too many syllables into one line and you're not paying attention to stresses. If you don't know how to use rhythm (it can be tricky sometimes!) let me know, I can give you a nice little beginning tutorial.
I think rhythm would bring this all together quite nicely, and I think you can do it without messing up what you're trying to say too bad. One thing about sing-songy rhythm is that you can give exceptions to it easier than a serious like, sonnet or something.
As a children's poem, this was pretty effective! Good work!
I hope this helps you in your poetical endeavors!
Keep writing!
~fortis
Thanks for the review!
This one doesn't have the sadistic humor he usually writes with, but other than that it makes me smile.
It is a really cool poem and it made me smile, Nice job!
This sounded so... ADORABLE!
It's hilarious. Comedic tone! And colorful too!
Twenty one pants, ahahahahaha. Aww, Pete, you sure gave the guy a treat!
The last 4 lines are a little spooky. Almost as if Pete just ripped off his foot. Wow.
On second thought, when I re-read the first few lines. It feels like Pete might have been a feet collector. A guy who collects human feet.
Comedy and tragedy eh? Nice touch, my dear mate!
Definite goosebumps!
Really energetic poem! Keep wrizzling! (Sizzling + Writing)
Disgustingly hilarious! xD