Romance?

I really, really love this. I love the premise of a girl falling in love with a girl. I love the way you depicted the shame and the guilt and the hurt that everyone, regardless of their gender, feels when they fall in love with someone that society considers "forbidden".

I hope that you continue to write poetry like this, poetry that exposes the true beauty of love, and the saddening pains of it as well.

Sincerely,
E

This is sooo pretty ahhhhh
I never wrote a review on this because I was afraid I'd give too much personal insight.
But awwwwww

hi there!
Appreciate what you wrote.
but that 'but' in the middle is something i think came out of nowhere.It is kind of distracting the content.

Hi Kara, I'm here with the promised review!

So first of all, I'm really sorry if that really happened to you. I don't really like the fact that people treat others differently depending on their orientation. I think your poem hit on a theme really well and I can feel the raw emotion here. I also agree with KAL that the formatting here wasn't working so perfectly.

But...I feel as if there's a lot of telling here. Now, I'm probably going to drive you crazy by bringing "Show, Don't Tell" here even from the prose aisle, but I think your poem could be much, much more powerful if there's more showing. I do see your emotions on the page--but they aren't enough. Stating them isn't enough. For example,

Whenever I write her name, next to mine,

I feel happy,

content,

elated.

Hey,I must say I like your poem,its okay but I think you should have;
:Given us a proper description of her,what she looks like maybe she's dark,has a black curly or silky hair,how tall she is

..You could have also let us know what her character looks like,maybe she has a pure heart,the kind of human she is

...We also need to know why you fell in love with her,maybe the way she smile,laugh talk or real are with people

But I love your poem

Hi there! So, to start off, I like that you have this formatted, but I don't really like the actual format, sorry. When the emphasized word was a verb, it flowed from line to line, but when you added adjectives, it doesn't hold the same effect for me.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you - I can't believe that even though we're in a "modern" world, awful people still exist. I get that you're trying to show how you felt in these moments, but some of that gets lost in translation on my end, because some of your lines fall a little flat. It's not that I can't tell you're in pain here, it's just that the way you have it formatted doesn't to your feelings justice, if that makes sense.

You have a good outline here, you just need to expand on all of these different moments in your life. I would also recommend that you try to put some of these stanzas together, and mess with the formatting, unless you're committed to it. If you are, then that's perfectly fine, I would still tell you to add more to the single-word lines, to add more to this poem. By adding a few more thoughts, you can add so much more imagery and get your reader to connect more with your poem.

Overall, your memories kind of fall short in really getting your reader to feel how you felt, but writing is all about being able to grow and develop, so don't worry. This is a good starting point! I hope this helped a little!

Hey KaraStevens, Queenie here to review your poem. To be honest, I really liked this poem. I think that the message was really good. Also, I think that there are people who can relate to this which is important. Now for the critiques, part of me liked the way you wrote your stanzas, but the other part of me was hoping for more. Maybe you could add on to them a little more, maybe go a little more in-depth with the emotions and reasons why the narrator likes that girl. Also, in those stanzas maybe change them up a little bit because so much of the same thing over time can get a little boring and to be honest I wasn't 100% sure I liked the poem until the end because I loved the ending (so good job on that). So all in all, it was a good poem, but there are a few things that you can consider to bring it to the next level. I look forward to reading your future works. And as always, keep writing.

Hey Kara!!! Scythe here to review (yay, gotta go back through this again)

I did love the concept (definitely needs to be more LGBT+ in the poem corner), but the emotion wasn't getting through so well. I think rather than it not being real, the wording was just off a bit. I loved how the girl described her happiness "I feel happy, content, elated.", but also her inner hatred of herself, being the sexuality that she is. It really put an impact on how people coming out may actually feel, but it doesn't just stop at "coming out", there are so many points in our lives where, because of common belief, we question how right or wrong we are. It's just unfortunate that people still see certain sexuality as a disgrace. You didn't directly state that though, but instead wrote the poem from the perspective of an actual person going through that stage so it made it all the more relatable. Great Job!!! I loved this so much. I seen you stated something about your poetry not being good or whatever, but I think it's quite different; you have fabulous ideas and definitely the mind to create it, I think you just need time to continue improving!

Keep Writing!! <3

- Scythe

Hi there. I don't have much to say, just that you need to work on feeling and imagery. As a reader, I saw the words, I read the words, but I couldn't really feel them. I couldn't really feel the emotions of the writer. That's all. Hope this helped.
Midnightmoon.