summer haiku

Well, hello! I love a good haiku so I'm here to leave a little Review for Review Day!

I like that this haiku takes a humorous spin -- you read the title and imagine it's going to be about the joys of summer not the more... painful parts of it. The speaker can smell sunscreen all around them and so you imagine maybe they're at the beach or the pool (the smell description is great because you get a setting without having to spell it out). Then in that last line *boom* the realization that the speaker hasn't put on the sunscreen in the first line or hasn't put on enough so is sunburnt. Love it.

I have a couple suggestions. In a haiku, not just every word, but every syllable counts and makes a difference. So word economy is almost the entire point! In the first line you do a good job of using sunscreen to set a whole stage, characterization and setting of the piece. But in line two it feels used and repetitive. We already know it is summer from the title and could guess it from the first line, so there's no need to say that the smell is going through the "summer air" -- this is just redundant and a bit obvious given the context of the title & first line. I would use the second line to establish either more action or to delve into that almost cliche romanticized version of the summertime rather than just mentioning the season again. That way the last line cuts even deeper.

Overall, it's a refreshingly comical haiku that maybe has a theme of disillusionment or just the message that people should put on sunscreen. I think you have a few parts you could twist around to add even more meaning though!

Best of luck in future writing!

~alliyah
This review was brought to you by Team Cardinals! Happy Review Day!

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I thought a haiku like this would've already been out of the Green Room, but apparently not! Nonetheless, let's jump right into this by saying that this is fine. It's nothing special, I admit, though at the same time there's nothing inherently wrong with this haiku of yours. The main part of the poem that I wanted to talk about is the repetition of words that have a connotation with the sun. Sunscreen, summer, sunburnt. They're fine and can help build the tone or atmosphere of the poem, but at the same time, it does get a little stale.

Play around with words that aren't as obvious. Use more subtlety to be more effective. The other aspect of the poem that I wanted to touch on is the last line, which is a little confusing to me for you to end on that line. It feels a little awkward, which is what I'm trying to say. Play around with the last line and consider changing it, because as it is, it's a weak ending to just make the statement that the speaker is sunburnt.

Maybe choose a different adjective to describe the air too? That'd give some more character to the poem if you found a stronger adjective than 'summer' in this case. Mostly, I think if you're going to make any future edits to this, you should probably work on the third line and the execution of the ending. Other than what I've talked about above, there isn't that much to not like about this haiku, as most haikus are hard to be dislikable due to their pure lack of length.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

It's cute, but it's a bit blunt as in I don't feel the flow through the poem. Also, I'm not sure if the comma is needed after fresh (Idk though. For some reason when it comes to poetry, the part of me that deals with punctuation has a nervous break down). Other than that, I completely love the summer theme!

Hey Iridescence! Becca here for a quick review.

I thought it was interesting that you wrote about the smell of sunscreen blowing through the fresh summer air, since sunscreen is a commercial chemical product. Not usually the first thing I think of when I think about what summer smells like, but sunscreen is definitely in the air.

My main issue with this haiku was the last line. If sunscreen is involved, why is the narrator sunburnt? I just didn't think the plot of the poem made so much sense. Maybe the last line could be about the other forgetting their sunscreen?

Obviously your call. Keep writing!