Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
You only ever yell, it seems.
Over and over, the sound echoes through my thoughts.
Under and over, it passes your ears.
For me, I need you to listen, please?
Unjust it seems, that you turn what I say right back to you.
Could you just listen, please?
Knowing that you will just ignore me and what I am telling you, screaming at you.
Even though I try, you only ever see the surface of what is really brewing.
Really now, this is why I trust so few and only truly love a single few.
Feel free to nit pick this and tell me what you think. Any personal question you would like to ask me about this poem or about Dry Tears please, PM me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Thank you for posting another great poem for me to review! This is ZeldaIsShiek, and I am going to review your poem and make it clear for all to hear! I'll also be the savior of the Witches in the final hours of Review Day and stop the Werewolves from winning! That being said, we should get started on the reviewing!
This poem really stood out to me as something different the second I saw... the language warning... You never ever put any kind of profanity or many sensitive topics in your work, and seeing this meant that you really meant this one, and that you were writing from inside your heart. This is something that I fully condone, and I think you get a lot more out of you writing when the meanings come from within, not from an outside inspiration.
I noticed that the person this poem is focused on was dealing with some issues I used to deal with, and that made me feel more comfortable around this poem. I used to have a lot of problems with a certain person not understanding me and not fully listening to me, and I can relate to trusting few and loving few. The only thing that is so perfectly fitting is the message, which actually creates the feeling that the person writing the poem secretly hates who they are talking to for their actions.
-ZeldaIsShiek
Thanks Zelda! Yeah, I don't normally swear in my writing so great job on noticing that!
Hello Flumadiddle! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
You only ever yell, it seems.
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
Over and over, the sound echoes through my brain. {This isn't the strongest line}
Under and over, it passes your ears.
For me, I need you to listen, please?
Unjust it seems, that you turn what I say right back to you.
Could you just listen, please?
Knowing that you will just ignore me and what I am telling you, screaming at you.
Even though I try, you only ever see the surface of what is really brewing. {Oof, this line was powerful}
Really now, this is why I trust
so fewand only truly love a single few.{Wait wait wait I'm wondering if I'm one of them}If this is about T*****, then I will literally b-slap him HARD in the FACE. God, he's so annoying. I couldn't find anything wrong with the poem, except that some of the lines aren't the best... overall great job and keep up the great work!
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
I shall PM because who this poem is about and such is more private. Ok?
Hi Flumadiddle! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this.
After the second 'over', it seems like a good spot to put a comma. Also, 'echoes', in this case, has no apostrophe and an e.
I know that you need this K here, but if you're going to type 'knowing', the thought needs to be finished. Maybe replace the 'what I truly need to say.' about how you feel when the person does this.
The 'few' gets a little repetitive, maybe say something along the lines of, "Really now, this is why I trust only a few and truly love barely anyone."
And... that's it for constructive criticism! I really like this, and I can see you in this piece. As long as you do that for your poems, they'll continue to be just as great.
Keep writing!
Thank you! I will fix those things when I can.
@woahhitherepal @alliyah
hey, can you start tagging me in your works?
Of course!