I Feel Numb

Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

Hey it's Izzy here for a review!
*my plan is to review everything of yours*

I really like this poem, and I have a feeling I know what it's about.

This is more of an in depth poem that you have written and I really like this. I can feel your emotion in this poem and what you must have been feeling as you wrote this.

Make sure you don't repeat yourself as much though.

That's all!

This is one of my faves

Izzy

Hi flummadiddle I think this is one of your more successful acrostics because you delve a little deeper into the actual conflict of the poem. I think you establish a tone of panic quite ell in this piece although it seems to be a bit odd to contrast with numbness. I think you could delve into why those two emotions work together a little better.

I'd also suggest putting a line break in between the two phrases, "I'm afraid and I'm scared" just to clear up any confusion a reader might have. Your imagery was pretty good, but also be sure to watch out for repetition for instance you use the idea of heaviness and falling more than once in this without necessarally describing them in different ways, this gets a bit redundant. Again I did think overall this was one of your more succesful pieces. I could see a clear tone and conflict and the theme was actually sort of unique as well.

Best of luck in future works, have a lovely rest of your day!

Hi, LittleLee here for a review!
Since this is only your second poem that I am reviewing, I do not know your style of writing. As a result, my review may go against your style of writing. So, sorry in advance!
Let us begin with the negative points.
The background you have set up is just too vague. I think you could add a couple of lines that talks about the narrator's relationship with the man. I mean, it's not clear - is it like, say, the narrator loves the man but the man does not love her back in that sense? Or are they in a relationship?
Just make that clear.
The third line... Well, I will not comment on that, because I simply do not understand it! Do explain, PM me if you have to.

This does not make any sense - if the man actually cares about the narrator, he should KNOW that something is disturbing her! Right? I mean, speaking for myself, i know when one of my friends is upset. They do not need to tell me anything, I just can tell from their behaviour.

The last line isn't really good... Look, you have successfully stirred up strong emotions within the reader, and that last line is just - no offence - lame after the catchy sentences before it.
Okay, that's all I have to say about it which is negative!
Your use of words is fascinating. They play about in the reader's head, creating a beautiful sense of understanding.
The imagery and description is really, really nice.
Well, that's it!

@ZeldaIsShiek

First thanks for sharing this fascinating poem!


My understanding of the poem:


I understand this poem as representing the inner conflict of a person who has lost his faith in God because of the many personal problems he has faced during which God seemed totally indifferent ot totally unaware of his plight. The poem expresses a desire to see some evidence that God really is aware and does care.





Life is represented as a screen where awful things happen and where such things are viewed as monsters that can attack us at any moment. We feel isolated. as if not only God but all others only care about themselves. we feel angry tat we are forced to plead for things that should be obvious and no pleading should be necessary.





We sometimes feel that pleading means that he doesn’t really care otherwise why make us plead. In short, the poem, as I understand it deals with the theological problem of the existence of evil in the world despite the exitance of a benevolent loving God. how do we reconcile the twain hasa always been a major theological issue for which many explanations have been proposed.


The poem is fine as it stands. However, if it were mine I would tweak it in the following way.





I sit hunched in front of life’s screen.


where his smile means everything but...


[Thinking]doesn't help. I still feel unseen.


The [ponderous] weight [only] get heavier , the [deep] darkness [closer]


- the monster is coming for more.


Even though I try acceptance, some days are merely numbness.


Does anyone know what this is like?


I need him to know [] I’m not well,


Just a speck of him knowing I’m going through hell,


might make everything okay.


Telling him I’m falling,


Hearing myself weeping some nights,


Alerting him that thing's aren't [right]


Bothers me in many ways.


Though I hope he cares, that people care, I fear they won't


Do I have to feel this way?

--------------

Kind Regards and once more thanks for sharing this very thought provoking poem.

Hello E.E I'm here to review your poem a little
BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE ACROSTIC FORMAT I SEE.
N I C E.
okay now that I'm done being an actual meme, I'll actually review.
This is a very good poem and I really, genuinely love it. I think mostly because you put so many feelings, that I can't exactly word, into sentences.
the only things that did bother me was the flow, I felt like there were some spots where some things just didn't fit.
And I kinda had a problem with the rhyme scheme, it's really all over the place, and then there are like four likes where you rhymed words with the same exact word. If you doing that so it fit the story then please disregard this.
You said to tell you how this story makes me feel, and I know this might sound strange but it made me happy.
I love seeing poems that so perfectly capture what I'm feeling, because in that moment I know that I'm alone in my thoughts and feelings. but at the same time it made me sad because I hate that someone else in this universe does have the same feeling of numbness. I don't know so many mixed emotions, but hey you have me thinking!
again I love this poem, its very nicely written, just work on the flow a little fren
Have an amazing day and tHE SPOOKIEST HALLOWEEN EVER!!
>Adrian