Another collab with @woahhitherepal!
bold- pal
normal- fluma
Everything seems to be falling apart, no?
The seams coming undone,
the whole quilt tearing?
Each stitch
Comes unlooped,
And finally
Breaks.
Why is it now, that I finally break?
A flower vase,
shattered against the wood floor.
the flowers
that were once there
are scattered
The petals are worn
And weak.
And yet,
it grows stronger then before.
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140,790 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
This was amazing E.E.! I think that this shows how people are sometimes not ok inside. How they say they're fine but they know that they aren't. It's emotional, like your breaking inside, and I love how you use two different people to describe it. I love how you two come together to say what you feel about it! It' so refreshing, even if it isn't the most positive thing in the world.
Thank you!
Aww man, you should publish your stuff. This is really sweet!
So, I didn't get this part, where at one point you describe the quilt and then describe yourself as the flower vase. Sticking to one or neither would be a bit better, I think.
Saying "wooden" floor sounds better.
I think the part where the flowers are scattered is too obvious to put into the poem.
But I really liked this poem! Keep it up!
Thank you!
Hello Flumadiddle and @woahhitherepal! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
Everything seems to be falling apart, no?
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
The seams {come} undone,
the whole quilt tearing?
Each stitch
Comes unlooped,
And finally
Breaks. {Maybe do a little formatting with this one, like "b r e a k s" to make it look like it broke}
Why is it now, that {I} finally break?
A flower vase,
shattered against the wood floor.
the flowers
that were once there
are scattered{.}
The petals are worn{,}
And weak.
And yet,
it grows stronger then {ever} before.
My interpretation:
I like the imagery in this piece, portraying a person falling apart through a flower vase.
Overall:
Overall, I did like it. Both of you are definitely improving. However, how do quilts and vases go with each other? They're two different things. I would include something -- like a stanza -- in the poem to connect the two. Keep up the great work!
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
you find quilts and vases in old lady houses. thats how they go together
yes. and old ladys die. Which means bad emotions.
^
@woahhitherepal ADRIAN LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK
It's so good! Can't help myself must review!
Yesssss
@Dreamworx95 @DemonGoddess @LordTachanka @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee