Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
The knives still hurt.
I was trying to tell you about my day,
The times I tried not to cry,
The one when I did in class.
But you switched it to something so different.
He didn't hurt me. He never would.
I lay in my bed,
Talking to Kara,
And Sam.
Crying behind the screen.
You put the knives right back.
Laced with posion,
And now,
With hooks along the blades.
You made my day worse,
I just want to go home.
Or go my grandmas.
To someone who gets me.
If I could, I would go and visit Paw an Gram.
I would run to the cemetery, sit in front of their graves.
At least they would listen.
I know you are trying,
But please,
Don't insult that which means more to me then you think.
Don't tell me it's fake,
It won't last,
That i am fucking pretending to be in love.
Don't tell me that a friend on the internet isn't a real one.
That a boyfriend isn't.
Because they are the only thing I have left somedays.
Take the knives out of my back.
I get that I am immature, a child.
But I know more then most about life.
So,
Take.
The.
Knives.
Out.
If you even can.
After all, you poisoned them.
And barbed them.
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
Wow! This poem has caught me in a limbo of loving your work and admiring you and felling bad for you and relating to your situation in some way. I understand how horrible it can feel to have your father use words as knives. Mind you, it is not his fault, and I have learned to deal with his words as he has learned to control them better than he used to be able to. The fact that you added the names of my friend. Kara. Made this feel more real to me. Karastevens was @DemonGoddess' last username, and it makes me feel like you are writing this poem from your heart, which makes me want to say... I love you. You are a dear friend to me. Never give up, and let YWS and your poetry guide you away from pain and misery.
As for the poem itself, I loved the abstract form of changing from centered, right-aligned, and left-aligned every other stanza, making it feel like the side of a screw, or a never-ending wave of despair. The way you emphasized was incredible, even if there were a few minor spelling errors that made it feel rushed. It felt like you wrote this very quickly as a way to express your feelings in the moment of the occurrence. One last thing was how you used knives. I had assumed it was self-harm by the title and the 18+ content (hehe... it's not the first time I have ignored age warnings on media/literature, and it is certainly not the last) warning, but I was wrong. I loved the imagery of your father using the knives, as knives hurt much less than the right words on the wrong day...
That's all for today. Take care of yourself, keep writing, and have a happy Review Day!
~ZeldaIsShiek, OUT!
Thank you Zelda. And same to you.
Yo it’s Ella here with a review! I’m typing this on my phone, so sorry for any typos! Firstly, I wanted to say that I liked the emotions of this piece. It’s clearly a poem you care a lot about. I applaud you for being so open and pouring your emotions into a piece. Well done!
There were two things I think could help you improve your poetry. First is formatting. I’m not a fan of italicizing, bolding, etc. This is just personally not the thing for me, however, I have tried using it before, and I can appreciate it when used appropriately. I liked your use of these things in a few places. I think bolding “pretending” was ok, I think italicizing “Don’t” was ok, and I think bolding, “Take. The. Knives. Out.” is ok (although I wouldn’t bold, “So,”), but beyond that, I think it kind of gets repetitive. Using bold and italicize tools should be reserved for only the most important messages in your poem, so I would cut back on the usage of them. It would lead to a more impactful poem by drawing the readers attention to only what is most important.
The second thing is imagery. While it’s clear that you are good at communicating emotions, imagery is lacking from your piece. Remember the notorious rule: show, don’t tell. I think it would add so much to your already emotional poem. I could see your emotions when I read the poem, but I couldn’t feel them. I didn’t feel drawn in enough. Imagery helps with this by taking the readers to where the poem is, what it’s about. I can see that this poem is a poem to (the narrator’s) father clearly. But if you put me in the narrators shoes and describe why the narrator is upset, what is happening, then I will really be able to relate to it.
Overall, I think this piece has a lot of potential! You’re clearly very passionate about it, and I think if you worked on it, it could be great! I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!
ella
Woooo I have a cameo! Also I loved the poem
Thanks!
"If i don't know how to love you..........I'll leave you be...." a quote from a song that people should use all the time, in this case, your dad shouldn't have aid what he said, he should've just let you do what you wanted to. And I promise that you will feel better, whether people disagree with what you believe in or not. I hope I was one of those friends that you were talking about in, "Don't tell me that a friend on the internet isn't a real one." I might be wrong, but I hope so! And I love how you worded problems as knives, that explains my entire life completely, so i can relate to this Fluma!:) Keep up the most best, most fantastical, most everything good, work!:)
You are one of those friends, Lake. I promise. And thank you.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*BIG HUGE ADORABLE GASP* didn't mean that to be all caps, but omygooshness! I feel so special, you have made me beam with joy today Fluma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!
X)
@Dreamworx95 @DemonGoddess @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee @269609 @Lake @LordTachanka @LadyLoki @AnneTaylor @Danni88 @GreenTea @Murphy2493 @Helena13 @RavenLord @BlueAfrica
Some of you I tagged because I could.
Sorry.
ayeeeeeeeeee
heeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllooooo fellow cinnamon roll!
that was... quick
I am confuzzled! Am I a cinnamon roll, too?
I am not the only one that says that! Yes! I tagged you since you liked my poetry.
jk, and i LOVE the poem!
I will start tagging you too @emolemon!
poor @emolemon XD
nah it's fine!
and thx fluma!
i'm just gonna say it again IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL! i keep coming back because i get it... thx! <3
Waaaaaasap
A little late to the party but welcome!