Terrified

Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

@DemonGoddess

Hi! *holds up pencil* I'm here to review! (also you're my first one on here so yay haha)

I absolutely resonated with this. The narrator (I'm guessing an already quiet type) is struggling with someone (I'm thinking someone close to them?). This particular antagonist can only see and is only willing to see things from one point of view and won't even listen to a different one, hence yelling and disparaging the narrator, making them out to be stubborn spotlight seekers. This scares the narrator into a deeper silence, making everything harder to explain and inducing a fear of the antagonist.

The only critical comments I have is the spelling of "to(o)" on line 4 and a certain part of line 3 that just seems to be a bit awkward to me:

{Scaring me and (my mind crawls into a corner)}

It feels unbalanced. Perhaps you could employ the use of parallelism with {...(sending me crawling into a corner)} or simply {...(sending me into a corner)}? You might have meant it to feel this way so take my thoughts with a grain of salt. XD

Overall, I really enjoyed your poem, especially how simple and emotional it was, and how much it connected with me on a personal level. Keep up the great work! ~DaggerChild89

This poem very effectively describes a situation where perhaps an adult is being abusive towards his or her own child.

Sometimes the abuse is physical and sometimes psychological. Sometimes it involves a combination of both. The sad part about it is that sometimes the parents don't realize the damage that is being done. Maybe because they were brought up in the same way and it didn't bother them as much.

That having been said, I enjoyed reading the poem because I can identify with the sentiments being conveyed and because the sentiments ring genuine. Whenever a poem can involves a reader emotionally that is a plus. Especially when the reader feels the desperate somber mood is genuine as it is in this poem.

Can the poem be improved? Well, any attempt to improve it would need to be very careful in not weakening the mood. For example, Deleting the "you" at the end in order to have "pride" and "terrified" rhyme would be a mistake since it would indicate more concern with form than in expressing genuine emotion felt at the moment that it was being composed.

Substituting "like" with "äs" would weaken the characterization or personality-projection of the writer. The same applies to changing "try" to strive


So the only tweak it really needs is to change "To frazzled...." to "Too frazzled...."


Thanks for the read! keep up the good work.

Hello Flumadiddle,

Here today to review your piece entitled 'Terrified'

So you used the anagram 'LISTEN' and am intrigued to see how these two words are connected

I'm guessing this person is getting bullied? Bullied over difference?

There is a spelling mistake as well ----> It should be 'Too' instead of 'To' for line 4

I'm really digging the flow of this poem, I could read this and sense some inner rhyming, especially towards the end.

'If I try to get you to see my point of view' This particular line feels a bit laboured and I think you can change it slightly to fit in with the pre-existing flow ----->

If I try to ***** my point of view.....

Words to use:

'speak'
'voice'
'state'
'plead' - repetition of the sound 'P' generates the plosive sound with 'point'

But besides that, I think you did a great job with this poem - especially the rhyming!

If you have any further questions in regards to my review or literary inquiries, please don't hesitate to PM me

PenmanshipPriority