Oh my.
I guess it's happening again.
One second we are fine,
And then the walls come falling down
Like twine.
I am fine.
Is what you told me.
But I need a hug and am not okay.
Is all you mean to say.
I know.
Is my only response.
For this is hard to bear.
I am here,
And you are there.
Now the walls are built again.
Us both on different sides.
It feels so long, the distance does.
I know.
Is what we say while the wall muffles what we say.
I love you.
Love you too.
Is the words we speak when nothing else feels complete.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
I think this poem is something a broken hearted soul would read to ease their pain, I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying that maybe for anyone who feels unloved, or just broke up with someone special in their lives, and you're eating all the strawberry ice cream out of the container like an animal striving for wholesomeness, you need to read this. It might help everyone to understand what it's like when someone feels upset because of a failed romance, I certainly did. Now, everyone must go and read this, this is probably the only thing to feel a little bit better than eating ice cream, in the living room, making a mess on the couch, watching soap operas on your wide screen TV. I said GO!!! No more getting fat! It's time for a change in your life, I know it won't solve life's problems, but it will ease the ache in your heart for now. Thank god we have writers like these who understand.
*begins to happy cry.* You have no idea how much this just upped my mood @Lake. Thank you so so so much.
Aww, no probs!XD If you don't mind me asking, how did it up your mood?:) You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
I was just rather down, is all.
Hello Flumadiddle! Wordwinnnnnnng here for a review!(Agh, this intro has gotten boring!)
)
1.My interpretation: This is about you and your bf LordTachanka if I'm not mistaken.
The walls simbolise the distance between you two.
You are talking about how hard a long- distance relationship can sometimes be and I like the last line where you both say "I love you" like some kind of spell that helps you forget the distance.
2.I think your rhyming scheme is a little off.
It's something like this: abcdc ceff ghi jj...
3. I think the "is" should be are in the last stanza.
4"falling down"( Aww, thank you I immediately thought of a song I have forgotten long ago.
" The summer sun, it blows my mind, falling down on alllll that I've ever known)
Keep writing,
your addicted to RP friend( I must add some spice into my reviews sometimes, don't I?
Yes, yes I am and thanks for the review.
Thanks for sharing this poem concerning barriers which seem to arise suddenly ad from seemingly nowhere when all seems to be going well. I like the rhyme among “bear” “here” and “there” and between “twine” and “fine” and “say” and OK”
It weaves a tapestry of assonance and alliteration that skillfully adds to the poetic nature of the composition and helps to separate it from mere prose. I like how the poem uses dialogue and monologue to convey the precarious relationship. Also the use of a wall as a symbol of an obstacle is a nice touch.
But there is something that baffles me. The poem describes the obstacles between two people as walls that separate them but also tells us that everything is OK until the walls come tumbling down like twine?
If indeed the walls are the barrier, then when they come tumbling down the situation should improve not get worse. That discrepancy made me pause and seek to reconcile both parts but to no avail.
Suggestions:
The introductory explanation of “Oh my! I guess it’s happening again.” seems too flippant for the seriousness of the situation described after it.
Quotation marks to separate dialogue and monologue from the narrator’s statements would make the poem read smoother.
The close repetition of words say, say, is unnecessary.
The wall is representing the mental or emotinoal troubles the couple is going through. When one is fine the other is crying and freaking out. Thats why it is falling so easily.
You know that's it when you come home Sunday we're doing a damn colab
YES PLEASE
@DemonGoddess @LordTachanka @Saruka @woahhitherepal @DarkPandemonium @Steggy @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee