So, I know two fantastic people.
Together we all feel needed,
And one sends love letters,
Yet another likes cheddar and laughs when things aren't the best.
I wrote this very quickly so, it is very choppy! Just a forewarning!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
So
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
,I know two fantastic people.Together we all feel needed{.}
And one sends love letters,
Yet another likes cheddar and laughs when things aren't the best.
My interpretation:
These are the best people in your life?
Okay I'm guessing the one is @LordTachanka and the other is your sister.
Overall:
Overall, I liked. It was short and sweet. I don't think it's choppy for an acrostic poem. Just a thought -- separate your author's note from the rest of the poem. It'll make for less confusion
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
Your actually halfway correct it's about mr (Lordtachanka) and our close friend Gabriel
Oh I don't know Gabriel
Yeah, just garlic bread and Gabe in general
Hello Flumadiddle,
I'm here to review your poem entitled 'Goofballs' - and the title is very important for this particular review
Let's just say I'm a bit confused about how the title correlates with the rest of the poem. Goofballs suggest something out of the ordinary, something quirky and is colloquial language that suggests someone to be naive or stupid. I see the stupidity of mentioning things like 'Cheddar' but I don't really think the link is that strong and in my opinion, I think you should name it something else.
I now know that when reading your work, the anagram says alot about your personal style and know it will be one of Flumadiddle's if there is a significant anagram at the side
BUT....
this one is confusing and I don't really get the random 'I' at the end. STAY makes sense to the love vibe and all, but what is the I about. Is it the fact that the person has been left alone and now they are just an 'I'. Even so it still reads like 'STAYI' I may have interpreted as completely wrong and the final bit is simply an 'authors note' but it isn't the first time when you have implemented a side note into the actual anagram.
Reading through the other reviews reveals to me that this is a personal poem, not one that tugs at your heart - strings necessarily, but I'm still sorry for anything that you personally went through because I know break ups can be tough, even though I'm not fully educated on the situation. I kind of thought that the poem was talking about a 'boyfriend' of such and then another boy who acts as a brother towards you or is seen as a best friend, which is probably where the 'goofiness' comes from - but even so.
Apart from that I think it's pretty good and with the improvements, it will be even better when you write likes this again. I find that stories from the heart can also be detected.
If you have questions in regards to my review or any other literary inquiries, please don't hesitate to PM me!
PenmanshipPriority
Thanks Penman. The anagram stay is basically me asking the people who mean the most to me not leave me, even when I am at rock bottom.
Ok, and in this instance it's your boyfriend and another boy who you describe as a brotherly figure?
Yup.
Heya, Flumadiddle. Casanova here to do a review for you! So let's get to it, shall we?
Alright, so let's start with the entirety of this. I feel like this is lacking some depth, in all honesty. I know it's titled Goofballs, but I don't see anything funny or anything of the like here, but that could just be my sense of humour. I was expecting details of people you consider your friends, and I mean describing a situation or something of the sort that made you laugh and you thought that you would make a poem out of it, it was that funny. I honestly don't know what to make of this, so yeah. Anyway, onward.
The first line makess me think the poem is gonna be a praise poem. The last two lines really don't have anything to do with each other and makes me wonder what their purpose is. One likes cheddar and the other writes love letters. I honestly don't know how the two intertwine, maybe you could give more detail that interlocks the two to show us exactly how it does intertwine.
Anyway, overall I think this could use some practice and the like to get it where it needs to go.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Casanova
REVIEW TIME!
Personally to me the flow is a bit weird not bad per say it just doesn't feel quite right on the tongue. I'd say the word letters and cheddar almost rhyming but not exactly rhyming is a big contributor to the wonky flow
But other than that the poem is great! (Do to the fact it's about me and all) Keep up the great work hon!
*looks over at LT, whispering narcissist under breath goofily.*
@LordTachanka
Carly's corner;
This is a very short work, Sony review may be very short as well.
I liked your work. it was nice and quick. But quick question, was this about two lovers? because I showed it to someone else, and she said you were talking about the two types of lovers in the world, like two type of people in the world and how they love. We've are debating over it right now.I'd like if you were more exact with your messages. I know poetry deals mostly with encrypted messages, but there should be something hinting the central message.
uhmm hope this little whatever makes sense
The line "And one sends love letters" Is talking about my boyfriend while this line "Yet another likes cheddar and laughs when things aren't the best. " Is about a friend who is like a brother to me.
wAIT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND
YES. Long distance. Its where the poem Distance Hurts, came from. @DemonGoddess
AYYYYY DATS ME!