Why...

Hello IvoryRose again for a review! I see you and your sister do not always see eye to eye. Anyways this was the way I saw your poem. *ahem* The narrator always looks forward to the holiday season. A time to spread joy to everyone, but their sister is always there to ruin it. Such as when you called her a "Scrooge". I hope this takes place in the holiday season because I'll look like an idiot. As LadyLoki said before me this poem lacks emotion. It isn't bland or bad. It's just that you could have given more. Maybe humor could have worked? I get that it is a short poem, but that doesn't mean you can't add some depth. I still think it's a good poem, but keep this stuff in mind.

Hullo! I'm not very good a reviewing so you don't have to listen to me! XD

First impression: For me this poem was a little lacking emotionally. I like the poem and it seems like something I could really relate to, but I think you only scratched the surface of both your ability, and the topic you're addressing.

I really like the format, it's creative and thought provoking, I like the whole "hidden messages" vibe, it reminded me of a tattoo I saw that said something positive, but something very depressing if you look at it upside down. That kind of thing gets me,so this definitely has potential.

The flow of it is fine though sometimes a little bit awkward.
None of it was confusing, which is helpful obviously XD
I think word choice could improve, maybe some more complicated vocabulary could help you communicate better and clarify what you're trying to make the readers feel.

Anyway, once again you don't have to take my advice, this was just my opinion-Anne

Hello there. My name is KQK and I am an honest reviewer. For starters, I think your poem has potential yet at the moment seems to be somewhat reserved.

In terms of what I like about it, let it be known that your title was eye catching. It was the ellipses. Also, Ilike boldening the first letters of each stanza. It spells NOT AGAIN. To me, it sounds like another argument or complaint.

That was good. What was not so good were a few specifics. Why Scrooge? Why is your sister doing this? Some elaboration is needed. Also, like another poem I have reviewed recently, your narrator comes across as whiny.

A good poem. It just needs a more assertive narrator who doesn't sulk so much.

Hello Flumadiddle,

I have definitely had days where all I write is poetry like this one. I am sorry your sister is so...so... well, to be honest, I am having a hard time finding a nice way to say a mean word...hmm... obnoxious? Sure. For now, let's say she's obnoxious.
I am not positive if this is a piece you actually want a review on, or if it is more of a way to say, "SCREW YOU!" to your sister. Regardless, I like it! It does convey the feeling of frustration and anger I feel towards people who treat me similarly. I'm not sure about you, but I tend to bottle my rage in the moment and word vomit out poems or stories with it later. It tends to work out pretty well for me as I don't escalate anything at the time and can get out everything I need to say without the other person, or people, talking back.

I can see that when you wrote this, you had (perhaps have, still) some pretty strong feelings. I get that. My review will be geared towards encouraging this poem to feel just harsh as I think you want your voice to sound talking to her--if that makes sense.

Some ideas:

-'never' and 'really'. 'Never' is a good word, but it has started to become overused in everyday life. Because of it's growing popularity, it has started to lose value as a word. Instead, I would opt for something more uncommon. For example, 'not once' which still keeps with the NOT AGAIN acrostic poem. 'Really', unfortunately, has the same problem and has become a weaker word. Consider replacing it with 'truly'. This ties into the posh feel you seem to go for in line six when you refer to her as a "rather horrid' sister. "Not once have I been able to truly be who I am," has some stronger feelings associated with it.

-'seem' in line 2 partially takes the blame off of your sister and makes it sound as if she might not truly be all that bad, she just 'seems' like it at times. Omitting words like 'seems', 'perhaps' and 'maybe' force the person in question to take the brunt of your anger head-on. "Over and over you are a cold-hearted egoist." (While it is more than fine to call someone a Scrooge, it can be more fun to describe them as what you are comparing them too).

-try to be as specific as possible about 'things'. If you want to be vague, try saying "the few achievements I have". It allows the reader to see you as both lacking (few) and accomplished (achievements). Because of this, the reader will sympathize and grow to detest your sister even more.

I just want to say one more time that this is an awesome poem and I commend you for writing it! There are so many things I have wanted to say for such a long time, to so many people in this poem and I cannot thank you enough for doing so. Please let me know if you don't understand something or if I was unclear. I hope I didn't step on any toes because I really did enjoy this piece. Your voice was very clear throughout and I know there are a thousand more voices behind it, waiting to be heard.

Good luck, keep writing, and I hope to see more from you in the future,

Lady Loki

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