"Eat something."
I tell myself.
"But... I don't want to eat."
I murmer.
"Eat something".
My mom tells me.
"Okay."
I say but never eat.
Why do I do this?
Starve myself some days and others,
Eat like normal?
Somedays, somedays I cannot even chew, for if I do,
I feel rather sickly.
And others, I want to eat but I don't by choice.
"Eat something."
LT tells me.
"Okay."
I tell him.
It had been 36 hours.
And then I ate.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Hey!
You already have some awesome feedback, and there's nothing more I could say to make it better. I think you don't need to repeat somedays in the twelfth line. I love the ending. I think it has potential to ever start it's own poem. counting down or up the hours of control before allowing your body sustenance. I always enjoy reading fresh works about hard topics like anorexia because unless you've gone through something like that it's hard to explain and imagine. Thank you for writing this and allowing us a glimpse into the life of control and demise. I hope all is okay, and I want you to know I am always here if you need to talk, advice, or just need someone to listen and pass around interweb tissues.
Bravo!
Rascalover
Thank you! It surprises me just how many people tell me they are here to talk. Its a nice change.
Definitely! This is a pretty amazing community
Agreed
Hello, I enjoy this poem. It has potential to be even better. The title really strikes me with its directness. I enjoy the emphasis on "Eat something" and "Okay" like it's a constant battle. The bolded words are interesting. The significance of "don't, this, choice, hours"... My only suggestion is to alter the tenses of the final two lines:
It has been 36 hours.
Now I eat.
Thank you! AND YOUR AVATAR YES.
uuuuuuuu you have anorexia too
Never went to a doctor about it. I've been eating more lately but i dunno.
same
*stress filled sigh*
Hello E.E, Adrian here for a review
as you already know i really do like this poem. i think its very well written.
the flow is very nice. you get your point across very clearly and truthfully.
i like how it ends kind of abruptly, i feel like it adds more to the meaning and tone of this poem.
i like your use of bolds and italics they also add to the meaning and tone and i thought that was very good.
but for review purposes im going to say a few things that kind of bother me.
i feel like maybe you could have switched
from "Why do I do this?" and ending at "And others, I want to eat but I don't by choice."
with starting at '"Eat something."' and ending at "And then I ate. " around so it goes along with what people and yourself are telling you, which still would be an abrupt ending... but in a different sort of way if that makes any sense at all.
here '"But... I <b>don't</b> want to eat."' i think the emphasis should instead be on the word "want"
here "Somedays, somedays I cannot even chew, for if I do,"
is there are reason why you repeated the word somedays? because honestly i dont exactly think it was necessary.
but i think that's all i noticed. i didnt see any grammar or spelling or anything so good job
and yeah overall great poem i think its amazing
if you need to talk you know you can talk to me okay pal?
(at least i hope you know that, i hope its safe to assume)
have an AMAZING rest of the day and happy holidays
>Adrian
@DemonGoddess @LordTachanka @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee