You'll sing me your rock songs
like lullabies, until I close my eyes
while I whisper sweet poetic nothings
which you know mean everything to me.
I will be content here
in this quiet existence,
for however long you'll keep me
fulfilled and sustained by you alone
If you should choose, I'll stay forever
as our skin dries and ages like parchment
and we become nothing more than petals,
pressed and forgotten between the pages of life.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I really enjoyed this poem! It's very well written, and I think that it was a very good decision to split them into different stanzas. Your description of your attachment and love for this person is done in such a way that it evokes such a feeling in the reader. I almost felt the feelings that you were describing throughout this piece!
My favorite line - the one that really made me love this poem - was:
"as our skin dries and ages like parchment".
I really felt as if that really injected the right emotions into the reader, and it was very well executed. Lovely done, rhiasofia!
Beautiful work here Rhiasofia!
But I think specifying that the songs are rock kinda takes away a bit of the, um... charm?
I love the beginning.
I like how you acknowledge that to most people poetry seems to be a bit of nothing. Just keep in mind that that isn't true! You just need the right kind of person to see what it really is. Don't let the world fool you.
I have to say that this is a much better love poem then most of the ones I see. You give enough to make the reader feel what you're feeling, but you don't drown them. It doesn't feel like someone's trying to force me to feel what is described here, it's more like someone is offering it to me just in case I want it. That is good.
I really love the metaphors in the last stanza. "as our skin dries and ages like parchment, and we become nothing more than petals" They're both quite beautiful.
The "between the pages of life" bit sounds a little out of place to me. That could just be me, though. Maybe it would be better if you referred to life as a book once earlier on in the poem? So then it seems like a reference to something earlier on, and then it would no longer look so out of place.
This was really beautiful. I usually don't like love/romance type stuff. But I think that's because most people make it into this big deal. And instead you where more like "hey this is here" which made it much more enjoyable then most love poems.
Great job!
~WW
Hey Rhiasofia, Strange here and I have a quick review for you!
One thing I liked about this is the simplicity and the size. When it is a small poem, it keeps one interested. When it comes to longer poems, it often drags in and out. When it is short, the message is simple and delivered. There is no words most of us don't understand, so that's good.
As you might know, I'm not a big fan of romance, but I liked this. You brought in heart and emotion, showing that you'll be with this guy forever as long as he keeps you. That's good, to be honest. I loved how you maneuvered that, and how well you did that. Oh, I am also midst judging Anti-Love poems, so don't worry. The results should come in a couple of days. You're no matter what in the top four.
Overall, good job
Strange gives you...
8.9/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo.
Oooh, making Strange like a romantic poem, that's exciting! Thanks for the review, and I look forward to the results!