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E - Everyone

Numb? Not Anymore.

by DeerInBacPac


Snap!  

Something breaks. 

Then I shake. 

Its fine. Your okay. I am here. 

Someone whispers into my ear. 

And I decided that I won't disappear.  

Please, don't leave. Please, I need you. 

Leaving is not an option. 

And no longer shall corruption reign over me. 

Because your okay. 

Because I am okay. 

I wrote this in the middle of Spanish so bear with me and it took me about five minutes so eh. Also, I AM GOOD. *cough cough @LordTachanka cough cough* 


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Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:20 pm


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Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:41 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Snap!

Something breaks.

{And t}hen I shake.

{"]It{'}s fine. {You're} okay. I am here.{"}

Someone whispers into my ear.

{So} I decided that I {wouldn't} disappear.

Please, don't leave. Please, I need you.

Leaving is not an option.

And no longer shall corruption reign over me.

Because {you're} okay.

Because I am okay.


My interpretation:



Depression sucks, man.

Overall:



Overall, I liked, but your flow and stuff could be worked on. One question: Did Señora Huff catch you writing this? XD I would give anything to see that. Also, I'm sick, so don't ask where I am please :P

also we should totally collab on poetry sometime about one hooman breaking down and another hooman's perspective on that

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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DeerInBacPac says...


No senora Huff did not catch me. Actually, I finished all of my work so she was okay with me writing. AND YES THAT IS A MUST POETRY CALLAB YIS



zaminami says...


YIS

who would be the depressed person? me or you?

I mean I want to be the dp because "hello" and "dear you" and stuff but you know



DeerInBacPac says...


Sure!



zaminami says...


okay, um google doc?



DeerInBacPac says...


yerp



zaminami says...


bOOM SHARED



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Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:31 pm
IzzyIsHappy wrote a review...



Hmmmm I am just like okay....

I don't know if this is about wanting to leave like, dying, or actually leaving, like a place. Could you clarify that for me?

I really like this. Either way, this person really wants you to stay, and wants you to know you are safe and that yeah.

Good job E.E. I mean, this is awesome considering you did it in spanish lol.


Izzy




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Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:22 pm
DeerInBacPac says...



@LordTachanka @DemonGoddess @Saruka @woahhitherepal @DarkPandemonium @WhosabellCanWrite





Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi