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Gabe's Garlic Bread

by DeerInBacPac


Garlic bread,

And me.

Really now, this is meant to be.

Lounging in the sun, you and me,

In love with the breeze.

Come on now, time to be what we were meant to be. 

This poem was for a close friend of mine, so do not take this seriously and I wrote this, not caring about grammar and such. 


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364 Reviews


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Tue Nov 14, 2017 3:47 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Garlic bread,

And me.

Really now, this is meant to be.

Lounging in the sun, you and me,

In love with the breeze. {Breeze doesn't rhyme with your rhyme scheme}

Come on now, time to be what we were meant to be.


My interpretation:



... it feels like a love poem, but "Garlic bread" is just random.

Also which close friend? I know it's not me haha

Overall:



Overall? I liked, but the "garlic bread" concept is very jarring for me. What does it meannnnnnnnnnnnn?

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image


this is in honor of big brother's birthday




DeerInBacPac says...


I wrote this for a close friend of mine, Gabe. He LOVES garlic bread. I have no idea why. Seriously, its a problem.



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Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:29 pm
Danni88 wrote a review...



Hi there,

Danni here for a review!

Love the acrostic part. That's really clever. You know, about an hour before reading this I ate some garlic bread! What a coincidence. Or maybe the all-powerful god of garlic bread drew me to it. Whatever.
OK, now the serious stuff:

You say you didn't care about grammar when you wrote it, but I can't find any grammatical errors! Well done.

I don't really get the bit about 'time to be what we were meant to be', because surely garlic bread is meant to be eaten? Or is that the whole point and I am being dense and missing it?

And also, how come the poem is called Gabe's Garlic Bread when there is nobody called Gabe mentioned? Or is Gabe the narrator?

That's about the only nitpick. I liked this poem!

See you around,

Danni




DeerInBacPac says...


Gabe is the name of my friend whom I wrote the poem for.



Danni88 says...


Ah! That explains it



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58 Reviews


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Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:15 pm
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IzzyIsHappy says...



This is honestly the best poem of existence. @Flumadiddle




DeerInBacPac says...


So great. Like YAS BECKY.



IzzyIsHappy says...


YAS BECKY??



DeerInBacPac says...


don't ask.



IzzyIsHappy says...


No really



DeerInBacPac says...


Its a thing between me and Gabe and bf.



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Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:59 am
DeerInBacPac says...



@LordTachanka @woahhitherepal @DemonGoddess @Saruka @WhosabellCanWrite @Sheytato




Saruka says...


pfft I love it



Clairia says...


y u no tag me!1!!!11! so r00d11!!!!1



DeerInBacPac says...


I MEANT TO BUT GOT DISTRACTED @Londone



Clairia says...


UH HUH THAT'S WHAT THE LAST ONE SAID xD



DeerInBacPac says...


I AM NOT LYING




Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going.
— Christopher Darlington Morley