The Skype call has ended. The words we tell one another every night, Still echoing in my brain.
I love you It repeats like a broken record, But on my favorite lyric.
Its only eleven, And I lay in bed. Watching Glee.
---
It turns one o'clock,
And I know that I am not ok.
It turns one o'clock,
And I wish that my other half was here.
It turns one o'clock,
And I wonder if I will be ok,
Or if I should cry.
But I won't,
Because I cry too much,
And I have had enough.
---
The lyrics, To the broken record, Play once more.
But more songs, Chime in.
And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine.
Hey there. Here for a quick review!
And this is how I fall asleep. To the memory of his voice. And the bitter sound of mine.
Love love loves this line.
Now I believe there will be times that I see it's 1 o'clock. It would remind me of this poem.
Nice job, keep up the awesome job!
Hey it's Izzy here for a review and yes I know IM REVIEWING STUFF AH! (only because no one is on the WFP XD)
I love this so much, it shows that you love this person a lot, (hehe I know who it is) and it shows how much you miss them, how you wish they were there. No one can cry too much. It's a natural thing to cry a lot. Or to feel a lot of emotions. And how you say "but more songs chime in", like, more thoughts chime in. My favorite line in this entire thing is "And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine."
Maybe my favorite poem of yours ever. Seriously!
Love ya sis!
~Izzy
Hey it's Izzy here for a review and yes I know IM REVIEWING STUFF AH! (only because no one is on the WFP XD)
I love this so much, it shows that you love this person a lot, (hehe I know who it is) and it shows how much you miss them, how you wish they were there. No one can cry too much. It's a natural thing to cry a lot. Or to feel a lot of emotions. And how you say "but more songs chime in", like, more thoughts chime in. My favorite line in this entire thing is "And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine."
Maybe my favorite poem of yours ever. Seriously!
Love ya sis!
~Izzy
I'm just surprised that you aren't being told to post it in the lyrics section. Mine about Helen is infinitely less lyrical and it was immediately unceremoniously relegated there with no further ado. This one is blatantly lyical and not one peep.
" And this is how I fall asleep. To the memory of his voice, and the bitter sound of mine." Such a beautiful line. The contrast is so bright and well put out that I can hear bells chiming loudly while peaceful music floats through the chaos. However, since you are describing a voice, tone and resonance you could put "sharp" instead of "bitter." You don't need to add that, but it's just a suggestion (I hope you don't mind). I am horrible at reviews 
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!Give me your soul.
With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overallStrikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.
Hello! Berri here for a review! ( ◠ ◡ ◠ )
Let me begin by saying, wow. I can relate to this too, too much. Maybe not the Skype calls or even being able to hear your SO's voice, but rather wishing that they were here with you...
(the problems of liking a fictional character)
But seriously, the formatting of this poem is fascinating. The way that the beginning and the end seem to be crumpled in a way, compared to the static stillness of the middle, makes your poem look like what a broken record would sound like, if that makes any sense at all. ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )ᕗ
The words used in this poem sound delicate and caring, like they were chosen after millions of other words, to convey a certain meaning. They probably were. This is more than a first or second draft; I can tell. You did a very good job with word choice.
I personally like the part where you said, "...it repeats like a broken record,/but on my favorite lyric." Something about this seems dreamy and sorrowful at the same time. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д`ﾟ)ﾟ｡
All in all, I love this poem. There aren't any grammatical or punctuation issues as far as I can see. But this is beautiful, and I think it would be cool if you actually published this. It definitely resonates with an audience!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*
Berri out ~ d=(´▽｀)=b
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