The Skype call has ended. The words we tell one another every night, Still echoing in my brain.
I love you It repeats like a broken record, But on my favorite lyric.
Its only eleven, And I lay in bed. Watching Glee.
---
It turns one o'clock,
And I know that I am not ok.
It turns one o'clock,
And I wish that my other half was here.
It turns one o'clock,
And I wonder if I will be ok,
Or if I should cry.
But I won't,
Because I cry too much,
And I have had enough.
---
The lyrics, To the broken record, Play once more.
But more songs, Chime in.
And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hey there. Here for a quick review!
And this is how I fall asleep. To the memory of his voice. And the bitter sound of mine.
Love love loves this line.
Now I believe there will be times that I see it's 1 o'clock. It would remind me of this poem.
Nice job, keep up the awesome job!
Oh, thank you wendy! And I really like your name!
Hey Flumadiddle.. my name? Its a common name.. anyway, Thanks!
I still like and you can't tell me otherwise.
Oh You! I like you too!
Thanks!
Hey it's Izzy here for a review and yes I know IM REVIEWING STUFF AH! (only because no one is on the WFP XD)
I love this so much, it shows that you love this person a lot, (hehe I know who it is) and it shows how much you miss them, how you wish they were there. No one can cry too much. It's a natural thing to cry a lot. Or to feel a lot of emotions. And how you say "but more songs chime in", like, more thoughts chime in. My favorite line in this entire thing is "And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine."
Maybe my favorite poem of yours ever. Seriously!
Love ya sis!
~Izzy
Hey it's Izzy here for a review and yes I know IM REVIEWING STUFF AH! (only because no one is on the WFP XD)
I love this so much, it shows that you love this person a lot, (hehe I know who it is) and it shows how much you miss them, how you wish they were there. No one can cry too much. It's a natural thing to cry a lot. Or to feel a lot of emotions. And how you say "but more songs chime in", like, more thoughts chime in. My favorite line in this entire thing is "And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine."
Maybe my favorite poem of yours ever. Seriously!
Love ya sis!
~Izzy
I'm just surprised that you aren't being told to post it in the lyrics section. Mine about Helen is infinitely less lyrical and it was immediately unceremoniously relegated there with no further ado. This one is blatantly lyical and not one peep.
wait this is lyrical
Yep
Well, that was an accident. To make this lyrical.
So was mine yet I was called on it immediately.
I wouldn't worry about it. W. H. Auden has an entire book of poems published that are meant to be lyrical -- "As I Walked Out One Evening: Songs, Ballads, Lullabies, Limericks, and Other Light Verse"
Ignore this post. YWS freaked out in me
ok
Quite nice. Well done
" And this is how I fall asleep. To the memory of his voice, and the bitter sound of mine." Such a beautiful line. The contrast is so bright and well put out that I can hear bells chiming loudly while peaceful music floats through the chaos. However, since you are describing a voice, tone and resonance you could put "sharp" instead of "bitter." You don't need to add that, but it's just a suggestion (I hope you don't mind). I am horrible at reviews
Its ok, really. And thank you for the review!
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Gosh, why won't this work? Anyway, I hope it helps.
yes, thank you!
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Next time you mention grammar mistakes, list them and the lines they are in. And thank you!
I'll keep that in mind, thank you. And you're welcome.
Hello!
I'm not great with reviews so this will be short.
I loved this poem. Very romantic, but there are a few things you need to check. For instance, you have a few apostrophes missing here and there and a few grammar mistakes.
Overall this is a great poem. I hope this helps.
Keep up the great work!!
Damn I forgot to press the review button thing
we all do it, no worries!
Hello Flumadiddle! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
The Skype call has ended. The words we tell one another every night
Give me your soul.With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough= removeUnderline = krazy Kara komments.
Spoiler
,Still echoing in my brain.I love you It repeats like a broken record, But on my favorite lyric. {but I'm always annoyed when that happens. how do you stand it?}
It{'}s only eleven, {But} I lay in bed. Watching Glee. {yusss}
---
{As i}t turns one o'clock,
AndI know that I am not ok{ay}.{As i}t turns one o'clock,
AndI wish that my other half was here.{As i}t turns one o'clock,
AndI wonder if I will be ok{ay},Or if I should cry.
But I won't,
Because I cry too much,
And I have had enough.
---
The lyrics, To the broken record
,Play once more.But more songs
,Chime in.And this is how I fall asleep, To the memory of his voice, And the bitter sound of mine. {child yours isn't bitter}
My interpretation:
another love poem. **le cry**
Overall:
I really liked this! This is definitely one of your stronger poems <3 keep up the great work!
Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --
Kara
Thanks Kara!
Hello! Berri here for a review! ( ◠ ◡ ◠ )
Let me begin by saying, wow. I can relate to this too, too much. Maybe not the Skype calls or even being able to hear your SO's voice, but rather wishing that they were here with you...
(the problems of liking a fictional character)
But seriously, the formatting of this poem is fascinating. The way that the beginning and the end seem to be crumpled in a way, compared to the static stillness of the middle, makes your poem look like what a broken record would sound like, if that makes any sense at all. ᕕ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )ᕗ
The words used in this poem sound delicate and caring, like they were chosen after millions of other words, to convey a certain meaning. They probably were. This is more than a first or second draft; I can tell. You did a very good job with word choice.
I personally like the part where you said, "...it repeats like a broken record,/but on my favorite lyric." Something about this seems dreamy and sorrowful at the same time. ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д`ﾟ)ﾟ｡
All in all, I love this poem. There aren't any grammatical or punctuation issues as far as I can see. But this is beautiful, and I think it would be cool if you actually published this. It definitely resonates with an audience!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*
Berri out ~ d=(´▽｀)=b
Why thank you Berri! Are you new to YWS? You don't seem like it. Hmm... I love your review style by the way.
I am new, actually ~
And thanks!!
No problem!
@Dreamworx95 @izanami @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee @269609 @Lake @LordTachanka @LadyLoki @AnneTaylor @Danni88 @GreenTea @Murphy2493 @Helena13 @emolemon @wordwing @SpaceSnickerdoodle @LJF
ayeeeeeeeeee
AYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
"Thank thee,
"
eyyyyy
sup...!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT SO MANY PEOPLE
WOOOOOO!
WOO