"Stray bullet and a Momma cries,
Her baby won't be coming home tonight.
Sirens screaming down the avenue
Just another story on the evening news.
Politics and predujice,
How the hell did it come it to this?
When everyone's gotta pick a side."
That's how the song goes.
Has it ever been more true?
How do you pick a side
when all the "sides" are wrong?
Men, women, children, fighting,
burning, crying, screaming, bleeding,
starving and dying.
In every sense imaginable.
Fear and anger of depths
Those of us over here
Can never, ever understand.
Religion used to excuse it all,
History used to justify it all.
No one ever held accountable,
no one willing to break the cycle.
Why?
We're told that killing is wrong,
that genocide is never the answer
Yet,
genocide is somehow always the answer.
I'm not well informed
I'm barely informed,
but it's all wrong.
My political hatred grows daily,
But I can't ignore.
I don't want to.
My words won't change anything,
Nothing will.
The self absorbed mentality will prevail.
Concerned with individual survival, sin, pride and vanity.
Who looks better, who looks worse.
What are all the celebrities wearing?
Constant fighting over insignificant BS.
"I can't believe you said that"
"How dare you disagree with me!"
"How dare you eat that!"
History is repeating,
Perhaps worse than before.
If we could all come together,
If we could all take a stand,
Maybe something would change.
Protest without protesting
The deplorable
"Affairs of State"
Across the ocean.
Enough!
So with a full and heavy heart,
I sign off by saying;
FREE PALESTINE!
STAND WITH PALESTINE!
mom
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
So, let's do it! Today it will only be a very quick and short review, although in the future (ideally as soon as possible) I would like to return to this work). Okay, so; you chose a topic that is really relevant (I won't comment on it here), and you handled it well. I think. I really like the formatting! It is unique and separates the individual parts of the poem. It's hard to say anything about the poem itself - I'm not exactly a great expert (actually, I'm no expert) on poetry, so I can only evaluate it from the reader's point of view. The poem flows well most of the time, but it is free rhyme, so you have to be careful with the flow at times. I feel like the poem gets a little...stuck at times? I don't know, I'll try to break it down better the next time I start reviewing and I'll really try to clarifysay everything I wanted to say.
Hi! I love this SO much. I absolutely agree with you about people using religion and history as an excuse. Thank you for writing this poem.
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
HELLO! I did say I’d be back, and I’m back with my review (after like 3 days but that’s irrelevant)!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This poem is very relatable, as you do talk about how people publicise the Isreal-Palestine conflict through specific scenes, like the one mentioned, that force/plead/ask really nicely but it’s implied that if you refuse it’s the wrong thing to do. The way you just present the ideas just flow very well, fron what everyone is saying, to your take on it all, to your own opinions, then to your views for the future. It’s very readable.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I’m a bit confused at this part, what is it supposed to mean? The change seems a bit jarring without a clear reason to do so.
I assume this is meant to show how people don’t really care all that mich about what’s going on around us, only choosing to fixate on trivial things? The transition to this segment is a bit abrupt, and you could make it clearer if your point is about how we’re not focusing enough on this event/giving it the attention it needs, or if I interpreted it wrongly and it’s actually about something else.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I know I already said this, but I love how relatable it is! I suppose I’m a bit biases considering I actively agree with this poem, but the imagery and everything just feels so palpable! I’ll just slap all the highlights for me over here:
The way the news really focuses on the saddening stuff like these, really trying to tug at your heartstrings. And the distinct “us vs them” mentality that’s so common with these topics, just beautifully illustrated.
It’s true, though. Both governments actually did something wrong. (IIRC, Palestine attacked first effectively committing terrorism, while the Isreali authorities overreacted through an extensive aerial bombardment) Why should we choose a side when people died on both sides, and this is only a result of the decisions made bu the government, not the people?
Ahhh you just put it so beautifully, we’re over here talking about something happening on the other side of the ocean, trying to explain the history behind it all and the reasons why it happened, but we won’t actually understand as we aren’t personally going through it.
Just- relatable. Pure relatableness. How you (the speaker?) doesn’t know that much, but all this just feels so wrong. I’m just paraphrasing you at this point, so I’ll let your words speak for themselves.
Referencing all the not-so great historical things that happened in the name of your God-given right or just because the enemy has a slightly different skin colour than you?
Agreed! Wars suck, a lot.
Ooh. The sheer whiplash at the end. The set-up of saying all sides are wrong, people are suffering, we don’t really know any better, only to end off with basically choosing the side that most are choosing (i.e. Palestine). I mean, social commentsry is noce and all, but you can’t just change what’s already established, so might all well join them, right? At least some good will be done this way.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
I do hope I interpreted everything you’re trying to say correctly! I swear this wasn’t going to be so long, but then I started writing and…this happened. I liked reading your work a lot, and reviewing (with a bit of analysis sprinkled in?) definitely helped me to understand it better. If I came off a bit strong due to the sheer amount of my personal thoughts that may not be that relevant, do tell me! (I may also have completely ignored the method towards the end, heh…)
WELL that’s it for today, hope my review is useful to you! Keep writing, and remember to go outside and take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/somehow it’s sunset or sunrise and you’re not sure what it counts as??
Cheers,
Horizon, or
NoOneInParticular, Really
P.S. I hope the formatting works
@NoOneInParticular
Thank you for the review! I love the "S'more method" for reviewing! So glad people are reading and commenting. I went back and made some small changes, I think it flows better now.
All the best!
Wow! This is a very captivating poem and the way you presented your ideas just feels so natural. I might leave a review later on, but I’ll be a bit busy for a few days, so I guess we’ll see what happens? I’d like to say that my opinion in the conflict is, in four lines with seven syllables each:
Terrorist attacks are bad,
Overreacting is bad,
People suffering is bad,
And wars should be illegal.
TL;DR: your work was awesome, and wars suck. Thanks for reading my poorly thought-out comment and have a nice day/night/somehow it’s sunset or sunrise and you don’t know what it is? I’ll stop now.