Young Writers Society

I love the repeated use of, "I lie awake at night," it really sinks in that way. It's the part I remember most. "Hatred coursing through" that part really hits me. There are things in this world, that I disagree with. And lying awake at night, I can't help but think of them. I'd like to have peace, to have no problems of any kind with the world. But it's just my morality, which I sometimes question, that holds me back. Everything I think is right, is sudeenly wrong. And we can only but let the tears flow, take the pain, let it pass, for we can never stop it's lingering feel. "Dreams that I long to make true." That is so relatalbe. There are dreams we have, resting in our minds, dormant, waiting for something to happen. But for a long time, there is nothing. Just awaiting it's day out of the dark. And all we can do, is lie awake at night.
FireSpyGirl, you've melted my heart yet again. Your my favorite poet.

I love the repeated use of, "I lie awake at night," it really sinks in that way. It's the part I remember most. "Hatred coursing through" that part really hits me. There are things in this world, that I disagree with. And lying awake at night, I can't help but think of them. I'd like to have peace, to have no problems of any kind with the world. But it's just my morality, which I sometimes question, that holds me back. Everything I think is right, is sudeenly wrong. And we can only but let the tears flow, take the pain, let it pass, for we can never stop it's lingering feel. "Dreams that I long to make true." That is so relatalbe. There are dreams we have, resting in our minds, dormant, waiting for something to happen. But for a long time, there is nothing. Just awaiting it's day out of the dark. And all we can do, is lie awake at night.
FireSpyGirl, you've melted my heart yet again. Your my favorite poet.

This so Sad. I understand you completely and remember that we’re here for you. I love the poem because it shows so much emotion. It puts the reader into the same thinking as you and I should know.....it opened MY mind

This so Sad. I understand you completely and remember that we’re here for you. I love the poem because it shows so much emotion. It puts the reader into the same thinking as you and I should know.....it opened MY mind

Wow. Ummm.... Just an idea? I think this is wonderful!!! You really do inspire me as a writer, and a person, as well. Thank you for always being here for me and for being my friend... I really do appreciate it... More than you know..... And this piece just goes to show you are a talented and creative person, full of heart and character. Don't limit yourself.. I know that's cliche, but, it's true. The SKY is the limit. I am rooting for you!!! Happy Writings!!
'Tato out

OHHHH, So hi! It is me. I was wondering if after all this time you would like me to review this.

So I will.

I want to start off by stating the positive:

I loved this, it showed your feelings well. you did very well with your word choice.

The semi-picky parts:
Your capitalization:
You should work on your capitalization, because at the end of a line, you put a comma, then the next line is the same sentence, and yet you still capitalize. You shouldnt do that if it is the same sentence.

For instance,
"I lie awake at night,

Crying, letting my

Tears flow."


You can make the bolded letters lowercase.

Other than that, I dont see very much wrong with this.

OVERALL:

I love this, keep writing.

~B.