This is so good, @FireSpyGirl!!! So good! You explained your emotions really well, you chose the best of words, and you made it so simple to understand, which is lovely! Buen trabajo (That's spanish for good job!)! Keep on writing!
I thought I was strong,
I've been through so many tests
This one however, may be one of the hardest.
I am so tired, my body feels like it is dying some days.
My heart is breaking, my will is struggling,
Struggling to keep going, to keep fighting.
My body is tearing apart,
Tendons are starting to rip,
I am in so much pain,
Physically and emotionally.
I know I can keep going,
I have to.
My will won't give up,
Even when the rest of me does.
I can get well, I must.
But I am still scared.
This is so good, @FireSpyGirl!!! So good! You explained your emotions really well, you chose the best of words, and you made it so simple to understand, which is lovely! Buen trabajo (That's spanish for good job!)! Keep on writing!
Hey, @FireSpyGirl, 'Tato here for a review....
First of all, I must say I know how you feel, especially the line you wrote, "I can get well, I must. But I am still scared." I struggle with this thought every day, fighting for a reason to give myself to be happier. Sometimes, I tell myself if I was happy, all my friends would be happy too. It always helps to have something to be strong for. I also happen to know that a lot of tests we are put through are only to make us stronger. They are never something we can't handle. If you need to talk, I will do my best to be here for you, to listen to you, and to help you in anyway I can. Just let me know what I can do. I am here for you. This is really good writing. You really have a way with words. You make people think when they read your writing, which is a gift. 
Anyways, Happy Valentine's day... I hope I get the privilege of reading more of your writings in the near future! Have a great day!!!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 'Tato
Hi @FireSpyGirl , Rav3nB1ack here!
First of, I have to say that I'm sorry that you're going through what you're going through and even though you don't feel strong right now, the fact that you wrote this and are willing to put your issues out in the open to share with readers - that right there takes courage and I commend you for doing this.
Second, this was very beautifully written and well thought out. The length of the lines to me illustrate your emotional process and thoughts. At first you were doing well
It's simple yet effective because even in this line you doubt yourself and I think that's something we can all relate to."I thought I was strong"
Yet you force yourself not to give in"I'm in so much pain"
This line is so powerful for me because even though it sounds like you don't want to give up, the choice of words emphasis your will power - you don't want to give up for the sake of yourself and the people you love."I have to."
You could've easily ended this on a happy note but the sense of realism in this line creates a stronger impact."But I am still scared"
Hey, FireSpyGirl
I enjoyed reading your poem. You did a great job! I think it's really good that you decide to share your feelings. I think you should write about it more often if it's a copping method. I know it is for me. You shouldn't hold anything in, especially negative feelings, all they do is build up, and take over. I''m glad that you did write this.
I want to encourage you, Stay strong! This life gives you so many worries, pains, and hurts, but you can't let them stop you. How would you know what it feels like to be happy if you were never sad.
"I am so tired, my body feels like it is dying some days.
My heart is breaking, my will is struggling,
Struggling to keep going, to keep fighting."
This part really hurt my heart. Don't give up, keep on going. Be persistent. You can't change what happens to you, but you can control your reactions.
If I had anything to correct it would just be the stanzas. You may want to show which ones are you stanzas and which ones aren't. Other than that you made no mistakes that I saw. Great job!!!! Keep Writing, and remember to stay strong!
~Giginicole
122,150 Literary Works • 657,443 Reviews
Points: 825
Reviews: 453
Donate