If I'd known that night would be the last time I saw you
I would have said more, said something different.
If I'd known that was the last time I'd get to drown
In your amazing, gorgeous, deep, stunning, magnetic gaze,
Would I have said everything on my mind?
I was preoccupied with my world falling apart.
That's always how it goes, isn't it?
We didn't have anything special, I knew that.
It was special to me though.
Even if I was just a filler for you, I don't mind.
Is that bad?
I got attached and watched you leave.
I'm hurting, I'll probably never see you again.
"I love you"
"Please, Lord, let him be okay. Keep him safe, help him be happy."
Those words stay on my tongue, every day, burning like silver chains.
People keep saying all the normal platitudes and I hate it.
It does not help.
You've done what's right by you,
I'm doing what's right by me.
You're gone, I love you.
Can I fall in love with someone after this?
Is there a deeper level yet to reach?
Missing you is pain that goes bone deep.
Will my story ever change?
My place in life is always second place,
To show others love, to fall and never be caught.
Will someone ever love me enough to tear the world apart for me?
I don't think so.
You've done what's right by you.
I'm doing what's right by me.
I guess that's all that matters.
I guess that's all there is.
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139,601 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Hi, Kilroy here,
I'm here with a quick review. I think that the story could use more riming, it is a poem after all. the riming would also make it flow more. but if you are going for more of a love letter stile then it does not need to rime.
also, I just wanted to say if this love letter is really real, and the event it talks about is something that you had to go through, i just wanted to say, that I hope you are doing better now. And i hope one day you find someone that will catch you when you fall.
hello 👋 FireSpyGirl,
That's the point where I can feel those deep emotions flowing. You can be so in love that it seems that there can't be a stronger/deeper one that you could ever feel. And that's I believe a strong statement to make, but it gives power to every other sentence you read,showing how deep, emotional and painful the situation actually is...
Firstly I wanted to say thank you for sharing your work with others!
Now going to my personal few words regarding your work:
I love how you can really feel emotions that are coming from the deepest place in persons heart. (if this was written not from personal feeling, big props for making it feel so real and present)
Actually before I never use to write because I believed that poetry requires to contain 'posh' words and should be written in a really 'mysterious' way, but thanks to people like you, you show that it isn't all about that. The most important thing is to be able to connect with readers and you can do that with really simple and straight forward work. And this work of yours is exactly what it was able to do. With those simple thoughts that anyone might have, made the connection really strong and kept me interested in reading more.
So thank you again for sharing your work
Therefore, the lines:
"Can I fall in love with someone after this?
Is there a deeper level yet to reach?"
left me the most impressed and amazed. It's sooo simple, but it hit like a driving car hits a bird
Hope to see more <3
Have a lovely day!~
Hello, I'm here to leave a little comment/review!
I remember reading "A Jumbled Love Letter" awhile back and it's nice to see the narrator remains consistent even though the relationship is over (by still wishing the other person well without them).
You wonderfully capture the questions and regrets one has when reflecting on past events, things you could've said or did, especially in the sense of a relationship.
I love the imagery on this line: "Those words stay on my tongue, every day, like burning silver chains"
I can imagine how much hurt could come from being burned, all while being unable to escape it. It perfectly captures the mood of the narrator.
Also really nice touch tying in "magnetic gaze" like you used in the last poem to connect them! Well written!
Keep writing!~