Young Writers Society

Hey there FireSpyGirl!!

Here for a quick little review!

You've got quite a piece here, very descriptive, emotional, and relatable. Thank you for sharing such a piece with us.

Alright first off, although I didnt notice my first analysis, you've got a little bit of (potential) personification going on here, Ill show u what I mean,

I see this poem in two distinct sections.

The first section,
Words can't describe how I feel --- I never thought I'd meet someone who could ease my fears like you can.

This section is more of the brighter/positive-ish side, perhaps personifying how the heart feels about your specific other. Describing how much it values, appreciates and loves the specific other.

But after the "However" phrase, there is a shift in tone, almost as if its your mind being personified.

"There's always a darkness that refuses to be shut down."

This to me, kinda seems like your mind is referring to its doubts, fear and anxiety slowly starting to creep in.

I dont know if its just me that sees this but this is purely off a analytical point of view so please do not feel any offense.

Overall its a fairly decent piece, cool transposition of tone and great use of descriptive and emotive language, well done!

As opposed to your suggestion for advice. Although I have never been in a relationship, I have also liked someone, and gotten really close with them but in the end I managed to screw it up because of my own doubts and fears. What I suggest is that, whilst you work on the relationship with this significant other, you should also work on the relationship with yourself. I used to hate the phrase "Love yourself before you go into a relationship". It was so annoying, probably because, I dont have that much love for myself, as much as I hate to say it. But everyday im trying to be better, both mentally and physically.

Definitely follow the advice of other peoples as well, but I am suggesting you work on yourself as well as the relationship with others.

And whenever things seem hopeless, just know that you are stronger than you think, braver than you feel and your future self will really thank you for always staying strong.


Hope any of this is useful, if u need, I am always happy to talk more on PM.

Best wishes, and have a nice day!!

Howdy hey! I’m here to give a review. As someone with GAD, I’ve also sometimes worried that my friends might leave me some day for someone better (the poem’s about a lover, though, so maybe I’m just projecting). My only criticism for this is that you should change the genre to romance.

I know you’ve probably heard this a billion times, but things do get better in the end.

—GengarIsBestBoy

Hi, hello there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes here. I am here to give you a comment/review on your poem.

I found it sweet how you said that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and that you don't wanna lose that person. But when I read deeper and deeper, it is really sad. Like you don't want your lover to get hurt no matter how head over heels you are for them, you still hear that voice in your head saying, that one day you might disappoint them. It is kinda sad too that you also have a disease and you feel this way towards this person you are in love with. Overall, I think the poem is okay and painful and my advice, even though I don't date, is that you ask this person what they feel about you and lovingly tell them. Also, did you tell them about your disease? Just asking. I hope you and your partner is okay in everything. Just PM me, if you feel worse.

Thank you for sharing such a poem. Have a nice morning, day, afternoon, or night.

This is such an amazing and interesting piece. I for one find this extremely relatable as I find myself constantly questioning and contemplating the fear of losing my current life and its best events. The way you describe it in such a few words is truly phenomenal. Great work!

To help explain this: I have fallen head over heels in love with my boyfriend, and it's definitely more than a crush. I have major anxiety, depression and I have an autoimmune disease. So that negative little voice is always in the back of my head. I also haven't written in a very long time, so I apologize for the roughness and chaos of this poem.