Young Writers Society

Hey! I'm going to review this poem. Let's just skip the introductions and get into it then.
First stanza:
It got my attention quite quickly, I liked it but it just didn't flow.
I could feel your emotion, though, so you get points for that.

Second stanza:
this one was way shorter. Mostly stanzas are kind of the same length. Not always, though. This one flowed better and I think you portrayed the plot of this story quite well.

Third stanza:
You don't talk to me,

Unless I talk to you,

Even then it's like

Those lines flowed and in my opinion they were perfect! The syllables were 5, 6, 5. Even and awesome. The message was well put. Blunt and without a hard, over-the-top metaphor.

But then:
You don't really hear;

I'm nothing but a ghost.
It sounds a bit off. Maybe change the wording??

The fourth stanza:
Golden! No complaints. I liked how you used the word me at the end of each line except for the last. The bitter pain made my heart beat faster. *claps*

Fifth and final stanza:
I loved the way you ended the poem. Not a high note, exactly, but I felt the end was just the right amount of dramatic.

OVERALL:
This was good. I give it an eight out of ten! Keep up the good work, and I hope this helped. I'm not trying to be rude or harsh.
Your friend,
Jade

Hello FireSpyGirl! Katja here to review your poem! As always please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions I make, should you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, onto the review!

Overall Opinion & My Interpretation

My overall interpretation of your poem is that it expresses a deep sadness, seemingly caused by an unnamed/untitled person who has grown apart from the narrator. They even seem to avoid the narrator and their communication with them has changed even when they do interact.

You don't talk to me,

Unless I talk to you,

Even then it's like

You don't really hear;

I wish you would tell me,

What happened, what I did.

Your silence cuts into me

It is me, already here! lol. That was so fast.


First off, I wanna say that this kinda caught at my heart, it made me sad, (In the good way if that makes enough sense)

Your last stanza:

I try to cry, but cannot,

The pain has won.

I can't even bring forth a tear,

No matter how hard I try.

This is why I'm now a ghost.