A setting sun,
A sky full of colors,
Desert sand
Grass and bushes become shadows.
Small animals hop about,
Also becoming shadows.
Wait!
A movement on a sandy slope,
A long, lithe body
Big feet and a smooth, muscular body.
A huge mane of hair at the neck,
It is he!
The King of Beasts,
Walking along this sandy slope.
No, he is not becoming a shadow,
He refuses to become a shadow,
Even the setting sun cannot hide
The King.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hi FireSpyGirl!
I really enjoyed the word choice in this poem (lithe especially, and the repetition of certain key words) and the images in this poem. Probably my favorite part is the last four lines: it's such a clear, vivid image that you show here. My only true criticism is that the first few lines feel a little bit awkward compared to the rest of the poem, but it warms up quickly. For a minor nitpick, the exclamation after "It is he" doesn't feel entirely necessary, but that's more of a slight stylistic difference. Overall, I enjoyed this poem: it feels polished, sticking to the short and sweet philosophy.
Thank you for writing!
Hi @FireSpyGirl, this is amazing...
Great work.... Keep it up
Thank you so much!
Hello there FireSpyGirl
I am Costia and I will give you a brief review and my opinion on your work!
First of all that was a decent and easy read. I liked your use of imagery and the coloreful mood you gave to your poem. It made it pretty amusing to read!
Even though I usually recomend the use of stanzas in this case it is not needed. The writing style of this poem doesn't need any stanzas since the verses are brief and clear and there is no greater theme or meaning to be expressed. It is straight forward and simple.
I don't think you had any structural, grammatical or spelling mistakes what so ever.
Disclaimer: I could be wrong about this since I am not a native speaker.
Overall it is good enough for what it is intended for so good job!
Keep writing!
Kostia
This is wonderlandifuly amazing! <3
I had to search up what 'lithe' meant but I got it! XD
You have done a really amazing job!
Thank you!