Young Writers Society

So first we start with, "You walk around me, I walk around you." This is perhaps the first meeting of the two charcaters. The two are checking each other out, but I don't belive they'd judge by apperance, I think they are simply looking for anything they can that could give some sort of an impression of each other. But never judge a book by it's cover, I always say. But they could simply be struggling about how to speak to each other, or how to properally connect. Which is something i feel somestimes I speak to someone. Correcton: everytime I speak to someone. Social anxiety, same old story. "When we talk, we are careful and nervous." I can tell the two have difficulty speaking to each other, they both don't want to say something to scew things up, or make an akward scene. Again, I relate to this, i'm always worried anything I could say might ruin things for me in a confersation, and I always try to aviod that. This really makes a connection with me, on a personal level, and it truely give the poem a special meaning to me. "You don't show your feelings," both are frightened of getting close. They don't want to open up so easily. Possibly in the past they have, and iit did not go well. Maybe the person they got to know, was not worth getting to know, and they were hurt. So in this situation, they will be hesitant to opening up again. "Were too scared." Of getting hurt again. "I love you, I don't know How you feel about me." The speaker is confessing her feelings, but not to her lover, to herself. But she has no way of knowing her compainions feelings. She is likely hopeful that they are the same. "Love is nothing but a dance." This is a beautiful comparison. In a dance your always going to try and impress your parter, without making a fool of yourself. And your going to be careful not to step on their toes. You don't want to hurt the person who has put faith into you. In a dance, one will put faith into their partner, not to let them fall, and not to move them into any uncomfetable positions. Or even, agian, not to get their toes stepped on, no one wants to be hurt, in a dance, and in love.

Hi there! Just stopping by to leave a few thoughts -

So far, you've picked a great metaphor to work with: comparing love to dancing. I understand the poem to be about a speaker who is discovering as they fall in love how conplicated it can be and recognizes the same give and take, hesitancy, and complications in the world of dance. Dance is such a rich imagery filled activity - I'd love to see how you might expand that dance imagery a bit, maybe by describimg the movements in more detail, or even the music and interactions.

I think it'd also be more powerful as a poem with more specifics - why does the speaker love this person? What are the concrete complications in their relationship? What are they scared and nervous about?

You have given the framework of a story here, but the plot and characters have yet to develop. Adding any of these details will take your poem to the next level.

Good luck in future writing, and reach out if you had any questions about my review.

-alliyah

This is a very good poem, I like your focus point and can tell you know these feelings well. In some of the stanzas though I felt the wording or punctuation threw the rhythm off for me while I was reading it. For example in the first stanza the line

It's a complicated dance

Cool poem!!

It’s fun to read new things Every time!:)

Next year am I going to have a new years eve ball at school, so It’s fun to read!
I rekognised a lot of the sentences from movie and stuff...
Have you been to a ball? Like in school or something?

Lot’s of hugs from
WSis.

This was an interesting piece--